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female
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anonymous
writes: Last night I talked to my ex that I was in the process of reuniting with and dating again and I had said that I looked at his myspace and was pretty offended that he had all these pretty new girls as his top friends when I knew he barely knew them. I was also mad that he said something how he loves blondes, but they have to have brains too. I don't know if he was trying to say something, because I am blonde and he I know I'm pretty smart and he always said I was. Anyway, he got mad and defensive and said that it was a random way the computer picked him top friends. But yeah right, I know that's not the case. Well, this was petty stuff. But then I started telling him how once he came back into my life (sunday) I couldn't sleep or eat and couldn't stop crying and felt miserable. It's probably my gut instinct telling me that he is wrong for me because he is disrespectful among many things. He just said I was making a big deal out of nothing and how nothing had happened. He kept saying he only wanted to talk to me if I talked about pleasant things. I couldn't express my feelings of concern about us and how I was afraid to get hurt by him again and how I don't think I can trust him and that he doesn't respect my opinions-just says I make a big deal out of little things when I have a difference of opinion with him. He literally wouldn't let me talk to him about what I wanted to talk to him on the phone. So, I just sat there while he talked about food he ate when he was younger and really shallow things. He asked why I wasn't saying much and I said it's because he won't let me talk about my feelings. So we got off the phone after he said he loved me and I just muffled the same back. After that conversation and talking with others I realized that I cannot be with him, date him, or be his friend because he doesn't respect me even if I do love him and can't get over him. He texted me later last night and said "goodnight baby" but I didn't respond. I guess my question is, we were planning on hanging out this weekend, so do I tell him it's really over for good or do I just ignore his calls? I feel like there's nothing left for me to say to him becasue he wouldn't understand anyway. And I don't want to keep running in circles and I don't want him to just manipulate me back to him again claiming he's changed when he really hasn't. What do I do?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 I'm afraid to trust him again because I don't want to be hurt again, Right? If you are the same person, you can't get over him unless you break up with him, once and for all. And once you do, don't talk with him or visit facebook or myspace and eat your heart out over him. It's not going to give you the distance between that you need to get over him. Go Cold Turkey. Nothing is going to change his character or make you any more compatable. He's disrespectful, shallow and not the slightest bit sympathetic, none of which are great qualities for a boyfriend.
A
female
reader, citris  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 This sounds all too familiar. If I were you, I would wait for him to call you and when he does lay it out for him. Tell him flat out that you are not interested in getting back together, not interested in being his friend and that you cannot see him this weekend or any other time. Cut your ties and go your own way. It may sound harsh, and it may be hard to do. I bet afterward you'll feel a bit of a rush and you'll feel alot better that you stood up for yourself. Let me know if you don't and I'll never give advice again!
Best of luck!
Citris
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (4 December 2007):
 First of all, I believe that people can change, but not that fast. He hasn't changed to be the man that you want him to be.
As for the girls being the top ten on his myspace, well that is to make you jealous and to make you think that he may be talking to them. He is trying to play mind games now and get all your little nerves twitching so that you will call him with your temple vibrating and he can sit on the other end of the phone and smile his big cheezy smile while you discuss the hurt this has caused you. (Needless to say, try not to let those girls pictures bother you, because they are only there to TRY to hurt you)
As far as him saying that he loves blondes and they have to have brains... this could go either way I think. He could have either ment to say that BECAUSE he thinks that you ARE smart, or he could have wrote that so that you would question it as you are now and possibly get all worked up over it. (Trust me, little things like this bothers me too)
In light of the fact, you can go back to him because you LOVE HIM! However, if you are only willing to go back to him if he'll change, then I suggest that you really try to move on. Things are not going to change this fast or this soon. So, if I were you, I would REALLY try to move on and find some body else. It sounds like he's got you all kinds of hot tempered and upset. No body needs that! If you are crying the moment he steps back into your life, then try to step right back out of his and make him cry.
The only way to get over one man is to get on top of another.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): don't be quite about it. let him no how you feel. tell him that you need respcet. because respect goes both ways. how can he be treating you like that. your much better than that. jus ask your self is this relationship where you wanna be. i hope this helps
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Well since this isnt the first time he has claimed he's changed then sorry honey but he isnt the one for you. A person changes because he volunteers to and it seems to me that after al this time he is stil the same person and he doesnt care about how you feel about that. You know for yourself that you deserve better. Someone that can treat you right. Someone that values your feelings and appreciates your love...NOT someone who puts their own feelings over theirs. When a person loves someone, they make their feelings a priority in their life. He is just pushing you to the side sweetie. You can do better. MY advice is to tell him as soon as possible before he tried to manipulate you once more. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, esepalo1 +, writes (4 December 2007):
 First of all respect is a big factor in a relationship if its not mutual then theres no teaching some to respect some one i mean come on hes not a dog you cant teach him to respect you.If you mean that much to him he should realize what hurts you and not be so shallow and not be concerned about your feelings.your guts usually rite if it dont feel rite it aint.You know how you wanna be treated and you shouldnt settle for less.I mean if you know it aint gonna change for the good why still go on with the relationship no one gonna hurt more in this but you he already proved its about him so why put your self threw more hurt and why?And why hang out so he can talk about him and only him nah why bother.Respect your self and be happy and not crying and being sad for just one guy find the guy who listens and willing to put you first and not them selfes.Your special believe it or no one else will if you dont.
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