A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This question is to all the boyfriends out there...if you are truthful and honest to your girlfriend, and you really love her, wont u say she's a part of your family? My boyfriend didnt do that. We were at a cookout that his friend was having. And they brought up the question, "what would you go to war for" and my boyfriend said,"three things i'd go to war for are my family, my friends, and my girl"!!! it made me feel bad. Why did I have to be last. I should be his "family" too, but he says he doesnt see it like that. But thats how I see it. Can I get some advices as to why it may be like this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): I think you are totally overreacting. I am not trying to be mean right now, and I am only asking because I get very sensitive and hormonal around my period but is it possible that you were menstrual when this happened??? Look I am sure he loves you as much as he loves his family. I mean what if he had said "I would go to war for my family and friends!" Would you have assumed that he included you in his family? Then would you be happy? Look he was just being technical about how he explained it. Even a husband would seperate in speech his wife from his family, that is if they didn't have children. It's not uncommon. Furthermore, most people would not automatically assume he was referring to you too if he had just said his family. Just let it go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Family isn't always the people you love the most. Somtimes family members are the poeple you hate most in this world. Look at it this way: he might think that you mean more to him than his family, so you have your own special category!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): I think you did well to get mentioned at all if the relationship is new, dont read too much into this, i know how some lads can be. I have two sons and they can be pretty thoughtless at times, so brush it to one side and count your blessing that you were mentioned.
take care and lighten up.
xx
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Be proud of the fact he wuld go to war for you! He probably doesnt count you as family because your not,your his girlfriend thats it your not his wife or fiancee just his girlfriend, and he probably wanted to make you feel special by saying my girl i expect you would be pretty pissed if he just said family and friends and didnt say my girl. dont read so much into this atleast he mentioned you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanna say that I do agree with all of the responses I have received for this question. And I want to say "Thanks" to all of those who answered my question. I will take all of these answers into consideration.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Isn't the importance of the statement that he made the sentiment that he would go to war for you? He put you alongside friends and family! Speechwriters often save the best for last, mentioning the important point at the end for punctuation and to give it emphasis. You could look at it any number of ways, but YOU chose the negative. It's very important in a relationship to choose your battles carefully so that you are not fighting all the time. You ARE his girl, you are MORE than a friend, and if you want to become FAMILY, you had better start making him feel like you value his opinions at least as much as your own. You really missed the whole point of what he was saying. Did you intend to offend him? He stood up and included you and you got mad at him over semantics. You need to consider that you have blown this out of all proportion after making a mistake over what was really a declation of love on his part and you definately owe him and apology under these circumstances.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Jebus. I think you're overreacting. I think it's much more meaningful to be last, because it leaves the lasting effect. And, his friends don't know that you're his family. To them family means his mother, his brother, his siblings... not you.
You are a whole separate category. You are his girl, his woman, his lover. You aren't married yet, you do not have a family of your own. I'm sure he sees you as family, of course, but the reality is - you're not yet and if your boyfriend had just said friends and family, his friends would've assumed that you didn't make the list.
I think it's very sweet that he said what he said. You are overreacting (if you ask me). Next time, just say, "you're so sweet" and appreciate the meaning behind his words.
xx India
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A
female
reader, michel  +, writes (6 December 2007):
Becouse You re His Girl ;) Simply
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Oh! And if he HAD said just family and friends, might you be writing us now to say "why didnt he say he would go to war for me, too?"
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A
female
reader, Megan Deetes +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Family HAVE to come first even for us girls :) we know that the words family and friends allitarate- this makes his statement sound more important and he saved the best until last :)You!! x anyway your not actually part of his family unless your married. i'd be flattered that he mentioned me seperatley, his family and friends refers to a group of people and his girl refers to one person. If he really was going to war he'd go for a group of people who all have the same value and then that one induvidual person who means the world to him- take it as a compliment ;) message me if you want more help about it xxx
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (6 December 2007):
Part of the answer lies in how long you two have been together and how serious the relationship is. If you have been together for several years and are probably going to be getting married, then, yes, you should be considered part of his family. If that is not the case, than, no, you are not. Also, as a note, your significant other, be it girlfriend or wife, will always have her own catagory even though she is also included as part of the family. A guy might say, "my wife and family". Does that mean his wife isnt part of his family? Of cours not! But she will have a special catagory all to herself. I think you are being WAY over sensitive. After all, he did say you were worth going to war for! He didnt just say family and friends. You really should have felt good! I think you are twisting things around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): He said that he would go to war for you. That is pretty damn sweet. You are not a part of his family yet.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Putting you seperate shows that you mean more to him don't you think? Until you get married and start your own family you are seperate to his family, even then I think i'd prefer it if my wife said "my family, my friends and my husband". Shows you mean more.
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