A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently found some sexually explicit messages on my younger brothers phone not only from him by a number of girls some even younger than him. I am really worried about his emotional and physical state as he has been really agressive lately. Is this linked? What should i do, tell my parents, talk to him and the others involved...? Please help! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): There is a big difference between looking out for someone and trying to run their life. I think it was wrong for you to look at your brother's phone messages. You shouldn't tell your parents either. Whether he chooses to have sex or not is his business, he has to live his own life, make his own mistakes and learn from them. It really isn't any of your business, any more than it's his business to tell you whether you should have sex with people. As long as he is not raping these girls and they are consenting to have sex with him, then what he is doing is normal. You could talk to him and caution him about the dangers of having sex at a young age, but that's all you can do, is try to give him advice. If you try to stop him from doing what he wants to do, he will resent you for it, especially if you tell your parents. Give him advice, like tell him to use condoms, but let him use the information to live his own life
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): Thankyou for all the help guys, he is 14. I came to looking at his messages as i suspected that something was wrong. Was this the wrong thing to do? I was just looking out for him. I think he is fully aware of the birds and the bees as my parents have been very open to talking to us about it and the dangers. I definatly think he is not mature enough to face the emotional strain of a sexual relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): he's going to learn about all that stuff anyway, and now kids are learning earlier and earlier. if you still feel weird about it, sure, sit down with him and talk about it; see what he has to say. many times going and telling your parents is not a good idea because they can overreact sometimes. about the aggression, he's probably just stressed or maybe he's hitting that time in his life when all guys get more aggressive. hope i could help.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 This I think should be brought to the attention of your parents. They should be better equipped to handle the situation.
As far as any agression he has been showing it is very possible that he is "acting out" because of this.
He may be experiencing emotional stress and it should be adressed soon or it could lead to further problems.
You don't say how old he is but I am sure he is not mentally mature enough to deal with this sort of thing.
Yes tell your parents immediately if not sooner! Doc
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 Questions: If it had been him who found sexually explicit messages on your phone, would you like it if he told your parents?
I wonder how it was that you found those messages. I suppose the phone is his, and whatever he has there is his own business.
I do agree with good Birdynumnums that a young man (a young person, indeed) should be aware of the responsibilities that come with sex. I just disagree that a sister is the person to keep an eye on him. I have a feeling that you're a little controlling.
If you really want to help, tell him that he should take care. Find him information and give it to him ONCE. And then, forget about his phone and his girls.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 Hi Honey,
When did your parents sit down and talk with you about sex? Do you think that they have sat down and talked with him yet? If you aren't sure, I don't think that you would be out of line talking to your parents about it. He needs to know about sex and contraception if he already has girls telling him explicit things. He also needs to sit down and discuss relationships with your Mom and Dad. I have said it may times before, it may seem like a good idea to become involved with someone sexually, but it's not much fun to run into them in the halls after a break-up. Better to delay this kind of relationship until he is a bit older and more able to handle all the fall-out (not to mention the contraceptive side and being able to screen for sexaully transmitted diseases). Sex is a HUGE responsibility. You are a good Big Sis to be looking out for him. A lot of really young people have a lot of misinformation and get themselves into huge problems. Sex isn't a casual thing, it's sole purpose is to create a baby, and I'm sure that your brother isn't ready for that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): You need to butt out of your brothers life. Reading his phone like that is bad form. If you tell your parents, he will feel embarassed and humiliated. He won't forget it and he will turn against you. You need to concentrate on your own life. You are over stepping boundaries. If he has a problem he will come and talk to you. Until then, leave him alone.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (8 December 2007):
 i would tell your parents as maybe its time they talked to him about the birds and the bees. Better do it now than him end up making mistakes soon.
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A
female
reader, LULU'S Advice +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Firstly,should you be looking at your brothers messages.You don't say how old he is.If you can talk to him then you should,but be prepared for a bad reaction.He's going to know you looked at his txts.
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A
male
reader, jm81690 +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Ahh... How young is he? That'd be my first question.
Is he a teen yet? If so I say you should leave it alone, but if he's just a child then yeah you should talk to him and maybe your parents about it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 December 2007):
 I would talk to him about it. You may also want to let your parents know it's time for the talk of appropriate and inappropriate behavior with the opposite sex.
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A
female
reader, agony anuts rubby +, writes (8 December 2007):
 yes this is linked as he is growing up .is body is changing. he maybe ready to start puberty everyone start's at diffrent time's in there live's.
this may be a reason he is being agressie.
if you are really worryed about him then talk to your mum and dad about it because it might be the right time to talk about the birds and the bees to him.plus he should nt be getting involved with girl's never mind girl's much younger than him hes still young.
but if you rather talk to him go a head he might go off in a strop has that is what boy's do just tell him you found what ever you found is worrying you and you think he is to young to be getting involved with girls and tell him getting with girls to younger than him can get him in trouble.
well good luck keep me up to date with this.
from
anut rubby.xx
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