A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend moved away to university recently and since he's been there he's met this girl who's seemingly very keen on him - but he's always vague as to what he thinks about her, and "doesn't know what he wants."Last night they both got very drunk, and she 'hurt her ankle' so she couldn't go upstairs to her own room, and 'had to stay in his room' overnight. I still love him and I know that if I find out what happened I'll either feel the same as I do now (if nothing happened) or much worse (if something DID happen.) How can I find out what actually happened without him realising that I still love him? It's really stupid, but she's making me insanely jealous, and I need to know.
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drunk, jealous, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (3 December 2007):
I'm just gonna add to the many responses telling you not to bother yourself with the details.Personally,i know that as a natural instict you'd want to know and that you feel jealous.It's really pointless for you to bother your mind about this.HE'S YOUR EX! It seems you are finding it hard to move on.I suggest that you spend less time with him and find someone for yourself.Get your mind off him and think less of him.All the best.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 I think "hurt my ankle" means "let me sleep in your room". Sounds like a pretty aggressive move on her part. He didn't kick her out of bed, whether he slept with her or not, so he IS interested. You need to come-to-terms with the first thing that you said in your letter. You are his ex. It's really none of your affair anymore, and if you can't handle being a casual friend, then you have to stop talking to him, for your own sake. You are driving yourself crazy over something that is totally out of your hands. It's going to eat you alive. Make it a clean break-up and stop talking to him. Really Sweetie. No good can come of this. Give yourself a chance to get over him. There are loads of very great guys over there (british boys - very cute!). You deserve to be happy and this is making you miserable. Take care.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (3 December 2007):
 I could understand you feeling the need to know if he was still your boyfriend, but he's your ex, and what he does now isn't a whole lot to do with you.I only say that because you are quite clearly torturing yourself over it.But it sounds like he is open to her behaviour towards him, if he wasn't interested in her wouldn't he have offered to help her up the stairs to her room?I would distance myself from him for a while until you have healed and are over him. The last thing you want is to embarass yourself in front of this girl. I know it's tough not to compare yourself to an ex's new girlfriend or love interest, but it's only going to make you feel worse if you carry on.
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A
female
reader, maggie1987 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 ok well if this is your ex boyfriend you shouldnt need to know what happened, if you still love him then maybe you should tell him that. knowing what happens with two people especially if you love one of them will just make u feel a lot more jealous sometimes not knowing is better for you as you arent seeing him anymore.
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A
male
reader, Mexiborg +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Dear Anonymous,Why get jealous at all in the first place? Why not tell the green-eyed monster to go jump in the lake? I highly recommend this OnFaith article; it applies to your current situation: http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/richard_dawkins/2007/11/banishing_the_greeneyed_monste.htmlAll the best,Mexiborg
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Its normal for you to feel jealous about this new girl that has came into his life because obviously you stil love him and you are trying to hide that fact. Im pretty sure he already knows you still love him so if you want to know then you should be straight forward and ask. The both of you arent together anymore so there shouldnt be any reason for him to lie to you. But seriously honey, i honestly think you should try to convince yourself to let him go because obviously that is actually what he is doing. Dont put yourself low for him or any guy that comes your way. If he wasnt interested in her, he wouldnt be so confused on " what he wants". Be careful about this one.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (2 December 2007):
 I don't think you are ever going to know for sure what really happened that night. Whether they just fell asleep drunk, or had sex is anyones guess. You don't go into how the pair of you split up, but i really think you need to move on and stop beating yourself up over what an ex boyfriend did on a drunken night out. Even if you asked him he is hardly going to admit to you that he slept with her anyway, so the likelhood is you are never going to know.
All the best x
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