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female
,
anonymous
writes: I met up with my ex last night (we broke up 2 months ago). He said he still loved me and missed me and couldn't get over me and we ended up making out. He said we should try dating again. I agreed to it last night, but then freaked out this morning and texted him saying we should only be friends because of our different religions. He is catholic, and I am a christian, but he isn't practicing and I am. I believe in waiting to have sex before marriage which he doesn't but he respected me last night. When we were together I always gave into him because he made me feel bad if I didn't. Another reason I broke up with him was because he was always trying to change me like things such as trying to get me to smoke which I hate. Last night I was telling him how I felt disrespected by him throughout our relationship and he said I just needed to not make a big deal out of little things. He said the pressuring me to smoke thing was done and over. But, even last night he asked if I wanted to! Anyway, he asked if I still wanted to hang out with him this weekend and I said I didn't know. Then I texted him saying how I'm still in love with him too and how I can't get over him either. But, he hasn't responded. I know he is snowmobiling today but I don't get why he hasn't called me back (I called him too). Just last night he was saying how he was going to marry me, he didn't care how long it took. Anyway, I'm probably just over analyzing things but, I couldn't sleep last night and I lost my appetite today and I can't stop crying. If I love him so much shouldn't I be happy that we reunited last night? What is going on with me? What do I do? I'm afraid to trust him again because I don't want to get hurt again and I don't know if it is worth it again.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Forget this guy. You deserve better then this. He will never ever change. Pray and God will lead you. Good Bless you.
A
female
reader, citris  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Good for you!!! Listening to your gut instinct is the best possible course of action you can ever take when it comes to these things!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. Yes, I have decided to not answer his calls because really, explaining to him a hundredth time that he is disrespectful when he doesn't see it that way, is just going to keep making us go in circles. I want to be free from him and his abuse. And the feeling literal physical sickness being with him is making me realize that it is my gut instinct telling me to run, run, run! I may have not listened to it in the past, but I'm going to listen to it this time.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 You didn't say how old you are and you didn't say what he was pressuring you to smoke. Pressuring anyone to do something that they are not comfortable with is controlling behaviour, especially if he already knows that you don't approve and that you had already turned it down once before. Repeating the request is bordering on being abusive. This reaction that you have had may be your common sense kicking in and telling you that he is not the guy for you. He is not respecting your decisions as an autonomous individual. I doubt he will within a marriage either. Read back the one line that you wrote - "Last night I was telling him how I felt disrespected by him throughout our relationship and he he told me that I needed not to make a big deal out of little things". Isn't it funny that the "Little Things" are all of your opinions? I think this guy is a pretty bad bet on having a good future. You should stand up for yourself and dump him again, for good this time. You might love him, but you can't change his character.
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A
male
reader, ShyGuy78 +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Your ex seems to be manipulating you easily for his needs. Also, he wants to change you into something that you are not.In a mutual love relationship, neither party demands the other to change, it just happens naturally. If your feelings and beliefs aren't being respected its best that your ex remains your ex!By saying that you are afraid to trust him again, you have answered your own question in a way! Its simply not worth it, move on, time will heal all wounds!Wish you luck!
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A
female
reader, citris +, writes (4 December 2007):
First, take a deep breath and try to calm down a bit. It seems like you're really worked up about this and I hope that you can breathe and think rationally.
Second you need to ask yourself a few questions, all of which it sounds like you already may have the answers to even if you don't like the sound of them. Is this a guy you can picture your life with? Does he respect your decisions without question? Does he support your decisions? Can you live being "just a friend" with this guy? Is he someone who's you honestly believe would be a positive influence in your life?
It sounds to me as though you are a smart lady. You have personal values that you refuse to compromise, regarding yourself, your health and your belief system. That is admirable! You shouldn't ever have to stoop, apologize or make an excuse to any one, man or woman for those things. You (just like most everyone out there) deserve a parnter who loves you just the way you are, applauds your strength and never attempts to sway you in a negative way or push "peer pressure" on you. You deserve a man who knows the true meaning of love and adoration, not some guy who's going to put you down, demean you and presure you to do things and act in ways that make you uncomfortable.
I think you have all the answers you need already, you just have to accept that you know the best course of action for yourself and have the strength to take it. It's a tough road to take, loving someone who you know you are better off not being with. I know because I'm walking that very road myself.
Best of luck!
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