A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and i recently separated, mainly because i gave him an ultimatum, me or the dog.He did choose the dogs.I miss him desperately and would consider going back, but he says that no one is more or less important to him than his dogs.I said surely i mean more to him than his dogs, he replied no, why should you.Am i the one with the problem?Do dog lovers really think more of their pets than their partners?And do they risk loosing their wife, kids and homes for them??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): Oh you poor love! He's so not worth it, you're better off without him by the sounds of it.If I were you I would get your closest friends and family members to rally round you now. With their support and love you will find a new home and a fresh start for you and the kids.What a jerk, I can't believe it, you deserve so much better Sweetheart!Good luck x x x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I really feel for you. Your Man is almost a dog himself. Dogs are loving animals but if he thinks dog is to man and not woman and children. He deserves non of you love or affection. If you go back to his house you are going to be treated worse than an animal. It is plain simple HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. May be he practices Beastianity.
Please Run take the kids far and refer your man to a Shrink
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I answered my below posting before reading your 'follow-up" and I wish I had seen it, first. He's taken it too far, dear. If he is displaying more affection to the dogs and giving them all his time and attentions, then I agree...your husband has taken this too far. He sounds like an unhappy person, who gets some sort of weird, emotional fix out of nurturing the dogs. He needs some counseling to learn how to gain the confidence to be a better husband and Father. I am sorry for what you are going through. If you want the kids to have their Father again and have you back in his life, then he'll have to give up the animals..plain and simple.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Sounds like things got out of hand here. You both had a recent argument where perhaps you both did something wrong. You both lashed out..you at him with a threat/ultimatum and him at you with an answer, you never expected. It's time to be mature, calm and grown up about all this. Both of you. You know your husband best...you know his thought processes, his habits, his quirks...everything. How serious was he when he stated "no one is more or less important to him than his dogs". Was he lashing out at you? Your husband is a dog-lover and you married him knowing this information about him. Some people do have interests...some enjoy collecting stamps, some enjoy collecting old cars and fixing them up, some enjoy animals. Frankly, I don't think he wanted to choose the dogs. I think he felt backed him into a corner with an 'ultimatum' and he resented that. So he may have said what he did, in anger. There appears to be a lot of 'meaness' in this marriage of yours and it's could be you felt giving him an ultimatum, would help your 'cause' to fix this marriage and make him think. You both had underlying problems and you both must've been feeling lost and unloved in this marriage, to both have reacted this way.. But I feel threats and ultimatums never work. They cause people to recoil in indignation and then a person gets stubborn.. Could this have been him? Couples need to focus in on their committment and come to decisions as to how they compromise and mediate problems with each other. Relationships are equal and both people treat each other with respect. If the dogs have been a of 'problem' for you, then you needed to ask him to help you with making life more manageable, but not asking him to give up something, that is meaningful to him.
I would give this time and space. Then talk to him. Right now, he's mad and clearly doesn't want a relationship with you. Or it appears that way. But for you to state that you miss him...tells me there is some love there and a sliver of commitment that can be possibly, worked with. If you can't reach a happy compromise just talking, then get into marriage counseling. To be honest, I don't think either of you are wrong. I could be wrong on my opinions here, but it sounds like you do love him and that he may love you too. But his actions are giving you a clear message..."you want to be married to me, then you respect me and accept the dogs" Now you have to decide if you can live with that. good luck, hun.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I wrote this letter and maybe theres a few things i should add.
My husband who i've been with for ten years, had an affair 4 years ago and left me. I took him back after 5 months and 6 months later we got married.
I supppose i have nevr really gotton over this,
He bought me a dog fof a valentines present, which was lovely, we then decided to get another on e to keep it company, ok thats fine.
But then one day he came back with a third which i said i didn't want, but that didn't matter he wanted it, so it stayed.
We then found out we were having puppies, so 6 lovely pups were born 5 rehoused but the last one we couldn't find a home for, so we ended up with 4 collies.
we only lived in a house with a yard so then decided to move to another house, with a big garden for the dogs, we built a pen for them and they had a shed to live in.
Unfortunatly the dogs then started to fight so one had to be seperated, as my husbands mum lived just aoround the corner, he decided it would be easier to take it there every morning and collect it every night, but the it couldn't slepp in the shed, so had to stay in the house.
WE then unfortunatly lost one of the 3 others last year. and since then my husband has become obsessed with them
They are conctantly in the house, he treats them like babies, kisses them and never leaves them alone.
We argued because they were never meant to be in the house, i did all the house work, cooking cleaning etc plus worked full time.
He use to come in from work then go on a 2 hour walk with the dogs, whilst i made tea and looked after the kids.
it got to the stage where i wasn't seeing him.
And if i did all his affection went to the dogs.
We then decided we needed 6 months apart , but it was me and the kids that had to move house, as he couldn't find anywhere for hin and his dogs.
So not only have i lost my husband, but i've lost my home.
Now he's struggling and is toying with the idea of askin me back!
And me i am so confused and fed up.
Surely your wife and kids are worth more!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): You deserve much better and count yourself lucky as to get him out of your life. He isnt a dog lover so forget that one. Move on and the next time get a cat!
take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Firstly, I do agree with everyone here that you have to come before the dogs, but let me tell you my experience when I was younger. I had a dog that the greatest, loyal pet. When I went to college, my mother did not want the dog around, even though my dad wanted to keep it. My mother made him give it away. He gave it to a hunting buddy that my dog knew, so that he was not a complete stranger. The dog ran away and found his way back home. My dad took him back and the dog ran away again, never to be seen again. I worried about my "pal" for years, until the time that he could no longer be alive. I had 2 dogs after that and I doubt that I could have given them away if my wife had insisted. Luckily, she loved our dogs as much as I did, so it never came to that. I can't believe that I would have chosen the dogs over her, but it would have been very difficult for me to ever give a dog away ever again. Just a thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I am a huge animal person and my pets do mean the world to me - they are my life as most of it I have either owned or worked with different types of animal.
I can understand the bond that is formed and it is true that animals dont answer back, lie or cheat but when faced with the question partner or dog? - partner has to come first, perhaps this guy is not worth the breath you waste on him afterall.
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (7 December 2007):
Your hubby's really a nut case.How can anyone choose animals over your spouse.If you hadn't written,i'd laugh that such things could never happen.I see that your husband has an inferiority complex and takes comfort in the company of dogs.However,i do see a cover up.He could be using it as an excuse for letting you go and rather give you the real reason why he wants you to seperate.Personally,i don't support divorces and would suggest you do all in your powers to salvage your marraige.However,if your husband is so naive,there's really little you can do.Even God can understand that you were rejected.So pick up the pieces and move on.You deserve better.
All the best.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 I agree with baby ducks answer. Most people know the difference between a marriage and the love that they have for their pets, except for crazy cat lady on the Simpsons. It's an excuse for him not to have to explain his behavior. It sounds, unfortunately, like you are much better off without him. Take care.
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male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (7 December 2007):
 i gonna agree with babyduck also. I think this was his way of getting out and you getting some of the blame as you gave the ultimatum.
Why would you make him chose you or the dog anyway?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Again, I agree with Baby Duck. I don't think this man really chose his dog over you. I think this is just his way to dump you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Well, be honest with yourself, did you drive him away with nagging? Were you miserable about the dogs? Perhaps he was so unhappy that yes, the dogs are preferrable. You are only giving one side of the situation, and there are always two. If someone was tormenting me about my pet and their hatred of him, I would consider leaving. I have had my pet for much longer than any man, and there will always be another man to come along, not another pet like my old friend.
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male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 I have three dogs that I love dearly, but I would never ever choose them over any woman whom I loved.
I’m about to enter the dating scene after my marriage breaking up (nothing to do with the dogs). She left me with three dogs to care for on my own. Frankly, I have to date women who will accept them at least for now, just as I would have to accept any children or pets they had. If a girl just walked into my life now and asked me “me or the dogs?” Honestly, I would have to say “The dogs! I don’t know you well enough to give them up, sweetheart!” But that’s only with someone I just met. The dogs come with me right now, we are a package deal.
But your situation is different…he married you not the dogs! Did he have these dogs before you married? Because if he did its unfair of you to make him have to choose between you. When you married him you sort of also married his dogs too. But if you got the dogs after you got married, then it can be fair to ask him to give them up if he’s giving them more attention than you.
Whatever the case I think the guy is nuts! You don’t choose animals over human companionship. People who do have some real serious issues. Your husband seems to have problems and I agree with the others that say it’s not about him being a dog lover. It’s more about him rejecting you. He made a stupid and terrible choice…
I know there’s more to this story than him loving the dogs more than you… He’s a loser for choosing the dogs. He’s made his choice and now you have to turn your back on him and start life anew. I know this isn’t easy because I’ve been there too. I hope and pray you find a better life with someone who will love and appreciate you…someone with common sense.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Im sorry but if he has chosen the dogs over you then you are better off out of it to be honest. I think your husband is a very selfish man, how could anyone ever choose animals over their own wife. I certainly don't think you are the one with the problem here, i think he is acting like a child to be perfectly honest. And no generally dog lovers do not think more of their pets than their partners, i have never heard anything quite like this truth be told. I would not consider going back, certainly not if you are going to be playing second fiddle to a set of dogs.
All the best x
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female
reader, sexyhunnibbe001 +, writes (6 December 2007):
 no he's the one with the problem hunni!
i'm a dog lover but my boyfriend comes first.
you don't deserve him!
you deserve someone better who is gonna treat you right and put you first.
especially as you are married and had kids together.
hope i helped :)
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