A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Wife and I been married 5 yrs, 2 kids. 2 and half years into our marriage I deployed to Iraq for a year. Things were good till then, even when I was deployed we got a little freaky via webcam. I know she didn’t do anything like cheating, but our sex life has not been the same. Been home now almost 2 yrs but I can count on one hand the number of times we have had sex. I did treat work more important that our family, but soon as she asked me to change I did. Now I am totally Mr. Mom and do anything I can to be supportive. She says she just isn’t in the mood. When we do have sex I have to kind of nag her into it, she shows up like "OK I’m here, let’s get this over with so I can go". I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have an affair, I love my wife and want her, but I can only do so much. I suggested a therapist, she said no. Nothing works...Any suggestions.
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affair, in the mood, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBaby duck thanks for the answer. I hear you on the emotional connection, and we have talked about that before. I think thats where the issue lies. Our stresses of life, kids, money, military all play a factor in her loosing emotional feelings. Your right guys are easy, all women have to do is undress and game on! My problem is I dont know what to do, I mean, ive asked. And she says its me and thats it. Ive pushed, then its now Im being pushy about it and makes me look like all I want is sex. Its very frustrating. Especially when it seems like I have to do all the changing and adjusting (I need to be more open, I need to communicate more, I need to express myself more). When I ask or request the same changes in her, its a huge thing. I can totally see us not having an intimate relationship for 10, 20 years, Im the only one trying. I dont know....
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Why does she choose not to see a therapist? She would have to change her view of what sex is in the marriage, and that a therapist is not at all, mostly, a sex therapist. Changing her view would be from two people having sex, to two married people just enjoying each other to please the other person. It's not just about the act, it's about the love behind it.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Sorry to be nosey, but when you do have sex, is she having orgasms? She may not be interested if she is not getting enough out of it. If she is not willing to get marriage councelling, how about a sex retreat, the couples therapy kind? ( I know these courses are out there because I saw it on Oprah, and Oprah does not lie.) That could kick start your sex life. I think a couples sex retreat with qualified councellors would be just the ticket. Now would be a great time to explore something like this, because she is just heading into the years in which most women are at there sexual peak. What better time to get training? It would be a shame for her to miss all the fun and you would reap the benefits. Find a fellow colleague willing to trade-off child sitting and get going!
From an emotional stand point, when I was younger, I used to want every single interaction between my husband and myself to have been very good, with no conflicts that day, if I wanted to be in the mood. Men seem to have a conflict and be over it in twenty minutes. Women are annoyed for about two to three days. By the time I was in my mid-thirties, my hormones kicked in and I decided I was going to get over being annoyed and simply use my husband for sex! Eventually, there is a correction of the discrepancy that nature seems to have given to our human sex lives (men peak at 18 and women at 35? - thanks a big one...). I have no idea if any of these thoughts were of any help. Best of luck with everything.
Wow, Baby Duck, Great answer!
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