A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been separated from my wife for over a year and looking forward to get divorced soon. My question is this: My hormones are killing me and I want to know if it’s all right for me to date even though I’m still married officially, or is it considered cheating. Of note, my wife cheated on me which caused our breakup. Our divorce is going to be amicable and without complications…no children or major property to divide. For whatever it's worth I am already over her.I have the desire to go out and date, but a part of me is uncomfortable about it. Am I wrong for feeling this way? If I do date, and should I lie to women I meet and say I’m divorced? My penis is starting to dry up here!
View related questions:
cheated on me, divorce, my penis Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): Hi,
No i dont think your wrong, she was the cause in your divorce you have nothing to be sorry for. She let you go, so it is only fair that you gert back out there and find what makes you happy again.
Coming from a women, i would not judge you for being previously married, its all about trial and error, you know now that she isnt the one for you, dont let that stop you from finding the right one.
Divorce isnt a disease, you will be fine and you shouldnt feel bad at all.
i hope it works out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOOps! My dog jumped on my keyboard and made me submit before I can finish... i was going to say...i wanted to wait couple weeks since i already held out this long then I can say with truth that I never cheated on my wife. But come Fbruary 9th watch out! THanks to everyone for all the support. FOr any eligible ladies, just heads up, i will be free soon! YEEEEHHAH!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLadies and gents I have great news My divorce will be official in a couple weeks so pretty soon this question will be moot. In the meantime I have been going out to a couple clubs...meeting nice girls, and I have been honest with them about my status. After I get my named signed on the dotted line Ill be checking on a few girls I got numbers with. I can hold out a couple weeks then I
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLadies and gents I have great news My divorce will be official in a couple weeks so pretty soon this question will be moot. In the meantime I have been going out to a couple clubs...meeting nice girls, and I have been honest with them about my status. After I get my named signed on the dotted line Ill be checking on a few girls I got numbers with. I can hold out a couple weeks then I
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Just make sure your wife and everyone else around you two already KNOWS the marriage is formally over. And make sure your wife isn't of a mind to use something against you in court.
She could theoretically take the evidence of you dating now (when you thought the relationship was freely agreed to be "over"), and insist that your relationship was not over yet whatsoever and therefore it's proof of infidelity (and thus, wrongdoing) on your part.
...............................
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Hi buddy. I know you didn't intend to provide some humour, but be heartened that you made me smile with what I thought was your suggested chat-up line!!!!!!! Read the very last sentence!!!!!!!!!
Good luck - Richard
(Go ahead and date if you are happy you have past the point of no return).
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): I started dating and having sex 2 months after my ex and I separated. I never felt any guilt and I never lied to any woman I dated about my marital status of being separated but NOT divorced. I got that confession of the way BEFORE I ever dated any woman. With some it was fine, with some it was not. However, I found plenty of willing women out there in spite of me being separated but not divorced. My wife left me. In essence, she was the one witholding sex and that was happening a lot even before we split, so I felt justified in finding it elsewhere. The fact of the matter is I really started enjoying my new found sexual freedom, and very much enjoyed the new bedroom experiences after being married to the same woman for the 10 years we were together and NEVER once cheating during that time. We officially divorced some two years later.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOne more thing to add...The reason I asked about lying about mt status is also based on a response given to me by a popular dating website that rhymes with watch.com They took my would not allow me to join them because I am separated!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers... I think I can go out and date using some discretion and be ok about it. And no I won't lie about my status. You guys are right, theres no point in lying. I've just never been in this situation before. A part of me feels shame being in my situation. My life crumbled around me after my breakup. Just trying to clear my head still...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): Just go for it! You are not going to get back together, are you? so what is the problem.
take care
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, muffy +, writes (4 December 2007):
 ok,first off,it's ok to date but whatever you do dont lie to the girl because she will find out and it will ruin everything.just tell her it is officially over with you and your wife and that your interested in her.if shes the right one then she'll understand.ok.i hope i helpedlove and kisses
...............................
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I've seen this issue alot in here, the whole I'm not divorced yet can I start dating thing.
When I separated from my husband I deemed we'd broken up. I spent time recovering, but basically I was dating a fair bit before the divorce was official. I was honest with people I was seeing, and no one ever said anything to make me feel as if I was doing the wrong thing.
I wasn't out looking for a serious relationship to replace the one that had just finished. I was just looking for companionship and some fun.
Go for it, start getting out and having fun.
You have broken up, it takes time to get the official stuff dealt with, but in your heart and soul its over.
Have fun, lifes to short.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I totally can relate to what you are saying and feeling. However, I did wait till I was divorced before dating again. The reason is, because I knew in my heart, I did do all I could do to try and save my marriage and mean what I said at the alter. The only difference was it was a matter of life or possible death in my situation. I was married to an alcoholic with a mean streak in him who did want help...but, by the sixth attempt, he had gotten even worse. He had cheated several times and even with that, I still tried to save our marriage...but, I finally had to let go. It wasn't till after we divorced, that I felt better...inside...for making that decision. Sure, I did long for a man's arm around me - you have NO idea...just to sweep me away I guess and tell me all the wonderful things I longed to hear..and yes, sex, but...I knew "for me", because of how I grew up...what I was taught from my parents...and I also have morals that I believe in. Today, it's not like that anymore...but, you have to do what makes you feel best. Just remember, don't do something you will regret...maybe not today, but later down the road. Always know whatever you decide..feel at peace with it and leave it be.
Also...NEVER lie to woman no matter what...it's the number one thing that will totally destroy ANY type of situation or relationship. Even if your trying to pick someone up...honesty IS THE best policy.
Good luck in your decision.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I agree with 'birdynumnums'. If you two are no longer living together and have no intentions and no possibilities of rekindling your marriage, if you have already settled on the terms of the divorce then it is okay to date. I wouldn't shove it in her face, and I wouldn't make any major commitments until the divorce is finalized.
I also wouldn't lie and say that you are divorced. There is no sense in lying, it's never good, it always ends badly.
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 As long as you are living separately and have already agreed to the terms of the divorce. How sure are you that it will remain amicable if she finds out that you are dating? If you are ABSOLUTELY sure that she won't change her settlement, I'd say go ahead, but be discreet. No sense rocking the boat. As far as your feelings about it go, I'd say you sound like a pretty decent guy, considering everything that you have been through. I don't think that there is anything wrong with dating again under the circumstances that you have described. Good for you. I hope that you meet someone who is worthy of you. Best of luck!
...............................
|
