A
female
age
41-50,
*ahlan
writes:Ive been living with my partner for 7 years now and i still find him attractive.Ours has always been a close relationhip.For the past few months it been more like a brother-sister relationship and though i know sex isnt everything in a relationship it is an important part of it.The lat time we made love was months ago.He says nothings wrong and he still wants me.I dont even try to come on to him any more as getting knocked back all the time is humiliating.Even before we stopped things were getting into a rut.Has anyone any ideas on how to turn him on?Everything else in our relationship is fine. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): How intuitive these Aunts are - especially Annalisa - and I echo everything they say.
Despite outside appearances of being macho and all that, underneath we're very, and I mean VERY sensitive creatures. The image of a naked woman dressed in sexy underwear alone, won't necessarily get him going if there's something troubling him. The trick is in finding out exactly what. Many things could cause this. Bear in mind all the other suggestions here, but here's another: Did he perhaps have a performance failure at some stage? If he did, did you roll over disgruntled? Have you ever made him think that his technique isn't quite up to the mark? If so, you've now got an uphill struggle.
Communication is the key. He needs to open up and be absolutely honest with you, and most importantly himself, about everything and it won't be any good interrogating him. If he's got any anxiety about his performance he's not likely to admit it, not to you anyway, maybe only to himself. I mean, it's not 'manly' to admit that sort of thing, is it? But the truth is, many men have these sort of problems and it's almost certainly a lot more widespread than you'd imagine.
If he's willing to accept there's a problem, he might just agree to a medical check-up. Both high blood pressure and the pills to counteract it can have this effect - so anyone with that particular problem is in a 'no-win' situation. Smoking, drinking, drug abuse and lack of exercise all take their toll on a man's libido.
If there's a medical problem, there will almost certainly be a medical answer to it. But first you've got to get him through the door of the surgery!
PM me if you feel like it, I might be able to give you a little more insight.
Phil
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 I actually think sex is extremely important within a marriage. It provides intimacy and togetherness, and that helps with every other part of a marriage. Is it possible that he is depressed? Has he hit a brick wall at work or lost his job recently? There might be something else going on that you don't know about. He is at the age where a lot of men have mid-life crisis'. You could try marriage counseling and try to get him to open up about this problem. Perhaps a few long weekends away would get him out of the rut that he's in. You could also try and join a sport or a dance class together to get a little closer physically. There are week-long marriage courses and courses on improving your married sex life, I have seen them on the documentary channels, but I'm afraid I have no information on any. A good book that might provide insight is Gail Sheehy's Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (2 February 2008):
 Well you could try arranging a romantic weekend away, if funds allow it. Maybe some romance and a nice hotel will set the mood. Is his job tiring?, Is he under stress? sometimes that can affect a mans libido.If a weekend away is not possible do something at home, nice meal,bottle of wine, candles and wear something alluring. Have fun.
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