A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriend of 3.5 years has a crush on another girl and I was wondering what you all think... should I be worried about it? He has never told me and I have never asked but when she is around and he talks to her, I can sense an attraction. I don't think she has a crush on him (she has a boyfriend) so I don't think they will end up sleeping together or hooking up. Also, we rarely ever see this girl, just sometimes at parties. So as long as they aren't going to hook up and it's mostly innocent... should I just leave it alone? Or should I ask him about it?Thanks for your input!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 Since it is just a chance meeting and not regular, there is no issue with it. He may like her and that is all. Just like when you meet your men friend whom you like. It does not mean that you are going to have an affair.
This is just normal interactions between the sexes. Do not read too much into those meetings.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (2 February 2008):
 If you bring up the topic, he might clam up. Perhaps you could say something about a guy that you think is attractive the next time you and he are having a good chat, alone somewhere. It might open up the topic enough for him to talk about it. BUT I suspect that it might, however, never happen. He might not ever admit that to you, just because most men are very big on loyalty, and they would never want to appear disloyal. It's perfectly normal to be attracted to someone outside of our relationships from time to time, we're all human. The important thing is to not act out on every feeling that we have when it's inappropriate. I don't think that you should be worried about it or be jealous (in as much as it's just a little fantasy crush) unless it starts affecting your relationship, say if he starts pulling away or you let your jealously run amuck. It will probably run it's course and disappear in a short while. Just remember to be patient and let it pass and you can expect him to put up with it when it happens to you at some future point! Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (2 February 2008):
 it is normal for people to be attracted to others honey , surely you check other guys out when your beau is not around? i know i did and do when i am with someone, it does not detract my love for them in any way it just means that yeah i think some guys out there are sexy but it doesnt mean i want to sleep with them! im sure it is the same with your guy, the fact that he has been with your for so long presents his total commitment to you. if it does bother you , you could mention it to him if not directly in a joky way 'shes attractive isn't she hun' ... (just an idea) and watch for a response. but i really would not worry about it that much everyone likes to look in the honey jar from time to time but rarely do they lick for sweetness after all why would he want the picture frame when he already has the priceless painting?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): People are people, you are foolish to think that you or whoever you're with are not going to be attracted to other people its human nature. I would confront him about it, in an open, accepting way. Mention who you may have been attracted to at one point. It may be a new way you can become closer to one another. Making it into a joke takes the sex appeal out of it and turns it into a you and him thing. A privite joke just for you too.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Chris121  +, writes (1 February 2008):
To jump straight to an answer I would ask him. If he doesn't like her then it's no harm done, and will only show him how strongly you feel towards him. If he does, then it gives you a chance to talk it over, and see why he feels he should be exploring outside of the relationship. It could be something he may want out of the relationship but isn't getting? A good couple should never keep secrets or concerns bottled up.
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