A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, this is a long one so sorry if it takes time. I recently found an old text on my old sim from my one and only boyfreind of about 4 weeks, we split December last year, (this is not all of the text he sent). I never really read it properly before, it said look Sara you're a really nice girl but all you do it sit there, and that you need someone on your own level? and he does not feel the same way as I liked him a lot and we should stay friends. This was over a month ago and I've not spoken to him since. I have seen him and he's said nothing to me, his mate still talks to me sometimes though. Truth is I made out I had boyfriends and had slept with people (was I wrong?) and what does he mean by someone on my own level does he mean I'm thick? and we never did sleep together even though I stayed round his house a few times maybe I should have had sex with him so I would not be a virgin anymore?I think that's what he meant by just sitting there as I'm a very shy person, and deep, deep down I still really like him a lot and sometimes go and drive past his house to see if he's in.plz,plz help I think im going mad. I think what's bugging me the most is him saying I need someone on my own level.Thanks for reading, any advice much thanked sara lou xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): He was a tad cowardly for not telling you this, face to face, wasn't he? So why are you wasting your emotions on a guy who didn't have the respect for you nor the balls, to let you go, in a more gracious, nicer way.. Like telling you this ..face to face? You are immobilized in a very self-defeating situation, here. You made the common error of allowing yourself to get too emotionally attached, after only 4 weeks. You need to stop thinking that his rejection was such a horrid thing. Look at it from a different perspective. Rejection opens the door for you to finding someone much more compatible and well suited to you.. It takes you on a new life path but the longer you pine away for this guy, the more you hinder your progression toward healing. Dating prepares you for life and if he was your first bf, then girl, you have a lot of happier fun times ahead. This guy will definitely not be the last man. There will be others and with each guy you date, you will learn more about the complicated facets of relationships. You will also learn to go slow, and not to give you 'entire being' to making a man happy..you will learn to expect him to do the same for you. A guy who deserves you will have to work hard for you...believe that. So Sara, stop doing this to yourself. You are second-guessing everything he said and did...and that's where us females get ourselves in a pack of trouble, everytime. This type of negative, thinking takes us down and we start to obssess. So stop thinking about him..stop driving past his house ..today. Stop convincing yourself you weren't good enough, when you were. All that happened was you did not share the same relationship values and he saw it. You sound like an incredibly nice person...a caring , good, compassionate person. Yes, you may be shy...you and millions of other young adults. You need to be strong and start doing everything you can to move forward. Heal, recover and be happy-smile a lot and keep a good positive attitude about yourself and life in general. When you are this way, others can't help but notice you. But focusing on this guy is stopping you from accepting the reality of this situation. Leave him alone and be the happiest person you can be. That's a good, healthy place to start.
A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (4 February 2008):
 I dont think he meant it like that.I think he probably meant u were 2 different personalities.I cant see him meaning anything bad by it or trying 2 hurt u.He most certainly realized you were unexperienced and tho it wasnt a good idea 2 tell him u were,it,s understandable why u did.Theres nothing wrong with being a virgin so please dont loose it just 2 keep someone.I did that and i wish i hadnt.Anyway when he texted that all he probably meant was that you should find someone who is quiet and a homebody like yourself so i would try and forget it.If you are really still obsessing about it ask him.I know it isnt easy when u really like someone but dont drive by his house anymore and wen u talk 2 his mates dont talk about him all the time as his friend probably tells him.Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (4 February 2008):
Hi! Please don't "go mad." It sound like your old boyfriend really hit a sensitive spot when he said your level. As birdynumnums suggested, it might have to do with your activity level, but I think it might also have to do with your level of self possession and self knowledge: why did you feel you had to pretend you had slept with others and had boyfriends? You should accept yourself as you are! Being a virgin in times past was seen as the most valuable asset a woman had!! And in times present, it still is very cool! Being shy is ok, but don't pretend to be anything you aren't. Maybe he would've loved you for your real self if you had allowed him to see the real, fantastic you!!
Go ahead and be yourself. If you "just sit there" perhaps it is because you are still figuring things out. Take a deep breath and love being you!!!
Some men are fast movers, but others are slower on the uptake. Find your own pace in life.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Yeah your post doesnt make much sense. In one part it reads that you were sleeping around with his friends, and in the other post it says that your still a virgin
Let it go, the guy isnt intrested. Its time to move on. There are more people out there.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 It sounds like he was referring to your activity-level, not your intelligence or whether or not you slept with him. I think that he was saying that you are more quiet or a "home-body" type of person, and perhaps he is a hiking, skiing, always-busy-doing-something type of person. Perhaps he didn't think that you had the same lifestyles and outlook on life and that's why he did not think that you were both compatible as a couple. That means the love of your life is still out there somewhere, hope you find each other soon.
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