A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My Girlfriend asked me if I was attracted to one of her friends, and I never want to lie to her so I told her the truth, that I thought her friend was attractive, but I don't want to be with her friend, I only want to be with my girlfriend and I love her very much. But now she is very hurt and doesn't feel like she can trust me, even though I would never cheat on her. What should I do or say to fix this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
Dont fret sweetheart,it will pass ask her if she finds jack sparrow good looking, All jokes aside hunny... Its cause its her mate and she has probably heard her mate say you are fit so she is double checking, And you came out looking worse. Just say yea your mates attractive hunny but your beautiful thats why im with you cause your beautiful inside and out. Then tell her what you have told us you love her hunny, Dont worry Im sure this will be fine. TAKE CARE OF YOU TWO LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): These discussions are always difficult for me to understand, as my girlfriend and wife of almost 29 years seems to be one of that other 1% that birdy referred to. Both my wife and I are both above average in appearance, but neither of us is anything that all members of the opposite sex would flock to. We both understand that and are comfortable with that. No matter how attractive, witty, sexy or whatever you are, there is always someone else who is better.
To the girlfriend in question: Don't beat yourself up for asking the question. You had a need for a boost in your confidence and you didn't get the exact answer that you wanted. However, in my mind, he did give you an honest answer that you should feel good about. OK, so perhaps she is prettier than you. You already know that. So what? He wants you and you are obviously more than pretty enough for him in his mind. This is how my wife and I think. We are both well above the "this is good enough for me" standard and we are happy with that.
I guess the problem is that you asked one question and he answered a different question. My wife caught that as soon as she read his question. The next time that you do this, both of you need to just take a little time to determine if the answerer is really answering the actual question. I know that is sometimes difficult and my wife and I have sometimes made the same mistake. The difference is that we talk out the misunderstanding until we both understand where the misunderstanding occured. (Did you actually follow that?) ;)
So now you both understand where both of you went wrong. OK, feel better, kiss and mske up in whatever way you like best. Go to dinner, have a drink, whatever and forget your hurt feelings and just feel good about yourself. You upset him. He upset you. You are even. Fall back in love and enjoy each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Um, I'm his girlfriend and I wasn't looking for a fight. I was just feeling insecure and ugly because everyone seems to think my friend is prettier than me, I just wanted to know he didn't. I didn't mean to set him up or put him on the spot, I just needed to here him say he wasn't attracted to her.
I wasn't asking him if she was pretty or attractive, I asked him if HE personally was attracted TO her. I didn't mean to overreact, I was just hurt because she's my only friend. And frankly, we used to be enemies. She used to say and do horrible things to me, and make me cry on a daily basis. And to think the person who's shoulder I was leaning on was attracted to her!
I am sorry I asked him, it was stupid and I should have just accepted the answer. I just thought that I knew him, and that he would always tell me he was only attracted to me.
I love him very much and I never meant to upset him this much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Being attracted to, and finding someone attractive are kind of different things (at least from my female interpretation), though honestly I don't understand why she would ask when she obviously didn't want to know the answer!There is only one right answer to that question, but really she is just looking for fights by asking that kind of question! She doesn't feel like she can trust you because you find another girl attractive and were honest about it? I would be willing to bet that the trust issues started before this and the insecurity is within herself.Birdy gave a great answer!
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 "You fell for the classic 'Is my friend good looking'... What you were supposed to answer was 'She's nothing compared to you baby'.
Hit the nail on the head there! Questions like do you think I'm fat? and does my bum look big in this? are a bit of a nightmare and of course if the answer to any of these questions is YES then you're doomed if you tell the truth so for goodness sake just say NO!
If you're asked all three of these (and I'm sure there's more) and you say YES to all of them she'll be devastated.
My EX asked me if her bum looked big and I said 'no, I love your ar$e!'
Mind you I wasn't lying. But if it were I'd still say the same thing :) I want to make the girl I'm with feel better about herself, and give her any reassurance she needs. This is more important than telling the "truth".
Obviously, this has to be taken into context though... You shouldn't really lie to your loved one but under circumstances like these it's perfectly normal.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Some people think you should never speak a lie but see what got you into?
Never say another woman is more attractive than your g/f or wife.
Apologize and treat her to a dinner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Birdy gave some really good advice - I would also add that you can be affectionate w/your girlfriend when her friend is around - putting your arm around your girlfriend, giving her a kiss, paying more attention to her, etc. but not too obviously! This will really help your girlfriend feel secure if you're physically affectionate with her in front of her friends.
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male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Females can be odd like this, u think they would be happy about you being willing to tell them something like that. Buts in most cases hey wont, this is one of the moments u should of told a little white lie.
Ok you are going to have to make things up to her prove what you said. Really show that you love her by treating her especially well, do something special for her for valentines day, or anything else like that. This should get her un hung up on that whole mess.
\
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): This is called a shit test. Examples of shit tests include:
* Q) Does this dress make my ass look big. A) No darling
* Q) Do you think I'll end up like my mother. A) No Correct answer your doomed.
You fell for the classic "Is my friend good looking" you poor bastard. What you were supposed to answer was "She's nothing compared to you baby".
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Yes - this is the exact reaction that 99% of all wives, girlfriends and partners will have. This is the exact time to use a "Little White Lie". Any of these will do - "She's not as attractive as you Dear!", "I actually had never given it any thought.", and "No, of course not.". Women are competitive too and having her think that her girlfriend is hotter than she is to you is a big deal to a girl. Put yourself in her shoes. It's kind of like saying - "I would have gone out with her, but I settled for you", even if that had nothing to do with what you said. The other questions that you should never be honest about? Does my butt look big in this? Am I getting fat? Do you like this outfit?
Fixing it. Definitely DO NOT spend any time talking with her friend, or if you must, put on a big show of indifference. I wouldn't bring up her name in any conversation either. I think that she is overreacting by saying that she can't trust you because of this - It was, after all, just a little faux pas. Keep up the flattery and prove to her that you are not looking. It's a very big deal to women when we catch your eyes following some other woman around, it really hurts our feelings. If you have to admire someone, do it surreptitiously.
I know that it seems unreasonable, but it is female logic. I apologize for the complexity of our species, but it is what it is!!!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Message from the moderator to the poster of this question.
If you want an answer to your question sign up so I can email you.
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