A
female
age
36-40,
*hanendoah
writes:I fell in love back in high school. This guy is imprinted on my brain. I love him. It gives me chills to be in his presence. I try and get the message across that I love him. He talks to me and responds but he never initiates a relationship that is more than friendship. 2 years later, he is married and I am in a relationship with someone else. I haven't seen him in those two years but I am still in love with him. I know I should appreciate the relationship I have now and that there is no chance that we will ever be together, but I can't stop loving him. Why am I still in love with him? What should I do?
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female
reader, Shanendoah +, writes (7 February 2008):
Shanendoah is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding. It really helps to have you guys input your thoughts so I can sorty mine out. Thanks!
A
male
reader, j3ffo  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Why do you love him that's probably the first question I woudl ask. And what about him that makes you love him? That would be my second question
I mean maybe he's just gonna be a best friend that you can talk to down the road.
If he's married, I would suggest not to do anything that would hurt his relationship with his wife, NOR you with your boyfriend. Yes you should cherish what you have and love the person you're with if you really do love him.
I mean I can't help much because mine isn't any better but this is what came to my mind first :) you take care now
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 He is immortalized in your hall of fame. There is no harm as you do remember those friends that you like.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (6 February 2008):
 There has been some press this past year over a recent study that showed that we never actually get "over" our first love, in a sense. It is a "definitive" love that is forever imprinted on our memory, the one that we hold up and measure all future loves by. Pretty hard to get past that!
But the other half of our brain recognizes that we all have Ex's for a reason, that there were flaws in the relationship that drove us apart. We actually can control our thoughts and the things that we dwell on, that would be a start. You know that he is married, and you also deserve to be happy in your own relationship - and your partner deserves a fair shake. If you can't get past this on your own, perhaps a bit of therapy would help you sort it all out.
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A
female
reader, Scarlett.K. +, writes (6 February 2008):
There is no real answer to "why am I still in love." I mean, it's really hard to get over someone you love. But, maybe you have some unresolved issues with him, maybe you feel as if you love him because you haven't "gotten him." Looking at your question, I doubt that is it. You're with someone else, it's not fair to them that you think about someone else all the time. Give yourself time though, and remember, he has moved on. It's hard to realize it, but there's not much you can do at this point. He's married, you're in a relationship and he only wants to be friends. You should stop trying to send him messages, you might break his marriage. There's nothing wonderful about being a home wrecker. If you can't be "just friends", move on.
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (6 February 2008):
There is always that one person who we sorta feel got away.... the good guy who we left behind, for one reason or another! You are a relationship and you state that you "should" appreciate so i suppose you do not? Did you ever have a relationship with this other guy? Was it good? And you never know what the uture holds, how do you know ten years down the line that he wont be divorced, and you can rekindle no one knows the future. it is hard to give advice without the whole story....good luck
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