A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I really do hope someone can help me, I love this man who recently proposed to me, however I am constantly thinking about my friend and I know that I shouldn't but I speak to him quite a lot, against the wishes of my Fiancee. I feel so guilty, at the moment, I am juggling with two people's emotions, one of whom has been in love with me for the past 7 years (my friend). I love my fiancee very much and I know that he loves me, but I just find myself in a situation where life is the same everyday, he is in a settled job and because I'm still quite young, I want to go traveling and see the world, but feel that he has been there and done that. I can see how my future will be with my Fiancee, it will be perfect, however with my friend, he lives life without any worries and is more spontaneous. I just dont know what to do anymore, I'm driving myself mad and really want to make the right decision. Please help me, I don't want to live my life with regrets, but I don't want to make a wrong decision and hurt anyone, I'm just so confused.Thank you
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Hi there,
This is like a cautionary tale for people who are very young wanting to get married. Your fiancee has been there done that ( I imagine he is a quite a bit older than you ) and naturally wants to put his feet up more. You on the other hand are young and wanting to break free.
I can't see how your relationship with your fiancee is going to work to be frank, for a start even if you do break contact with your friend and commit yourself to your fiancee won't it just be to placate him because you love him? The desire to get out and see the world will still be there and as time goes by it will weigh heavily on you.
But whichever way you go, your fiancee deserves to know what's going on. You have to stop playing around with your friend, he is like a spanner in a bicycle wheel and no wonder your fiancee is upset with you communicating with him, he knows your friend wants to steal you away.
The only way you can approach this with a cool head is to take a break away from your friend ( if he is a true friend he will understand ) to let you examine your priorities in life with a clear head. Your fiancee should understand if you want to go out and explore the world after some contemplation, that is what you get when you try and hook a much younger girl.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 You should have a very long engagement and make sure that you are absolutely certain that you want to marry this man. You are very young, and there is no reason for you to rush into marriage. But, having said this, you need to sort out your feelings for your "friend". If you are being honest, would you choose your "friend" over your fiance, but for a few changes? If you do think you might, you probably shouldn't be engaged to be married. I think that most people would agree that if you are engaged - your "looking" days should be over. If you really are not certain, and confused, it's kind of telling you that your heart isn't really in it. Well, at least, that's my own opinion for whatever it's worth.
Are you really viewing your life as over once you get married? Cause at 52, I guess I should get rid of the sailboat I just bought and stop building house down south! I'm doing more traveling now than I ever have! Most people have a lot more disposable income at this age and we travel all the time!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): I say you do two things tell your fiance that you want to see the world before settling down and in this time see this friend and find out who you love more :) and trust me I did my share of traveling and you feel like a new person when you come back.
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