A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating my bf for just around 4 months. We've both had our ups and downs, however every once in awhile he talks about how he wants sex. We're both virgins as he may be ready for it, I am not. I do not feel that 4 months is long enough for sex. Although I believe its truely dependent on the person.There was one time when we went on a trip and it almost happened but i stopped him because he had no condom on. Although we both show the affection we have for each other, I can't help but thinking, once I give him what he 'wants' he could just leave me. Maybe I watch and hear too much about those things happening in dramas and what not. But I mean, a relationship should not be based on sex. How can I bring this up and about, without making him feel not trusted? Some advice please!Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, softwings +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Oh and also, the fact that you are still with him, and that you are even bothering to explain these things to him, AND the fact that you guys had even gone as for as you had PROVE that you trust him. All he needs to do is prove he is worth your trust and wait!
A
female
reader, softwings +, writes (4 February 2008):
I agree with what she said.
First off you need to just go up to him and say you want to talk about his sexual needs. Explain to him that you have waited all of your life for the right person to come around, and that the person should be willing to wait for you. Let him know that despite the fact that he claims he loves you, he should be willing to wait. Explain to him how important and sacred your virginity is to him. Let him know that a physical relationship is based on the belief that you will both maintain a long term relationship. Remind him that you are a special person and that he needs to respect your wishes. Warn him that if he keeps pressuring you to do something you really don't want to that you will leave him. If he keeps it up it's a sign of just wanting sex.
Tell him you understand that he wants to do it, but his being pushy just goes to prove to you that he doesn't really love you.
Just keep telling him these things. DO NOT beat around the bush and try to spare his feelings. What you teach a guy now, while he is young, will affect your relationship for the rest of your life.
If you allow him to push you around and demand things you are not willing to give him, he will never stop.
Hold your ground and tell him the truth about how you feel. Discuss the consequences and the future you will have together. Watch for the signs in his attitude. If he tries to avoid the discussions about the future and changes topics often, get your butt out!
I almost made the same mistake of giving my virginity to a boy i had been with for 8 months and who was also a virgin. Ever time i tried to have a conversation with him about the future he would say he was too tired or didn't want to talk about it at the time.
I also stopped him when i got to the same point as you because he had no condom!
So hun, just be up front with him now, and don't wait too long or you will regret it!
Don't give him your virginity unless you are absolutely sure YOU love HIM. And not just one sided backwards love.
Trust me, if you guys don't work out because of his stupidity someone better will definatly come along.
I was initially depressed after i broke up with that boy, but now I'm engaged and have gotten a hundred times better deal.
The same thing will happen for you if this guy is not the one.
STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Establish the rules NOW! Don't wait until it is too late, and your heart cannot be reclaimed!
- Angel
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 Your body, your rules. I think that you should wait until you are ready. It's not a great sign that he wanted to proceed without any sign of a condom, that's something you should be using to protect yourself and your future fertility every single time. Have you discussed what you would use for contraception? What your thoughts are if your contraception fails? You should both be on the same page here, you should talk about all of this. Is he a person that you would be willing to be tied to for life if you had a child together and have you ever considered if he would be a good father or not? Those things make a difference if your heart is involved and because as women, we are very aware that sex is made for making babies. Guys can be detached and just have sex for the sake of it, but if he's been around for four months, he's probably there because he likes/loves you. The decision to make love for the first time is a big one for a woman, honestly, you'll know when you are ready. AND the most important thing about sex is that most of it is entirely between the ears. The brain is the biggest sexual organ. If you want to have a good start to your future sex life, you both have to be comfortable taking about it. Communication inside and outside of the bedroom is important. If he cares about you, he'll wait as long as it takes for you to get to the same place. Take care, hope this helped.
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