A
female
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anonymous
writes:Ok..guys i have major issues..me and my b/f been dating for 4 years...and in the past he has done some stupid things that rocked our trust boat! But we both agreed to be totally honest with each other and things been ok.. but every now and then, well ok a little more than now and then, i find my self checking his email or phone to see if he is up to something. I really want to stop because each time i come up with nothing really major, just him trying to make friends because he is "shy". I really want to stop, i dont want to ruin our relationship. Sometimes i blame him for making me this way... please someone help me!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, thanks for replying every one.. i really appreciate it.. im doin so much better now.. since then i told him what i've done and why and he has forgave me and i havent touched or bothered his things. i just try and be positive and trying to stop myself from being a jealous pessimistic maniac... lol i can laugh at that now.. Thanks!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): It's common to feel that you need to check up on him. Even though what you're doing is not right. And yeah, he probably did give you your trust issues, but you have to stop going through his stuff, especially since nothing is going on when you've checked on him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 April 2008):
 First let me ask you this. How did he make you? How is it possiable for someone else to make you what you don't choose to be? Blame is a tool of transfering responsibility to someone else. It's easier than self blame, and makes it easier to justify our behavior.
You are doing this to provide self validation. This is done by somehow not feeling adequate, and that others may have something to offer that you don't. Guys do it too, when they have a pretty girl that can have any guy they want. But what we don't think about is they may not take up all those other offers.
I want you to look at your relationship in a way that you understand your boyfriend is not obligated to you and you are not too him. Neither one ownes any rights over the other person or their behavior. If cheated on, you then have a choice to end ties with that person if that's not something you're willing to deal with. They still have a choice to or not too cheat. All though no one likes being cheated on, cheating is a choice, a bad one, but still one they should be free to make if that's what they're going to do.
You're making the snooping choice, because you keep on thinking "what if". Think of it this way, the more jealousy you have, the less you'll be able to enjoy the relationship you're in. Treasure the moments and don't judge unless you have the proof to do so.
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