A
male
age
36-40,
*nt5
writes:I've known this girl for about 8 yrs, I've had feelings for her for about 8 yrs as well. She too has feelings for me, unfortunately we had lost contact at one point in time, and she ended up with someone else. She is now married with kids. She moved away but there is still feelings between us. She said when she comes into town we could have sex, she would be my first ever since i'm still a virgin. We agreed to just sex and our friendship since she is married with kids but I don't know if I should go that far.I want to but I don't know, I guess what i'm wondering is what other people's thoughts are. Had we not lost contact we would be together, she even said it herself. I miss her everyday
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (12 April 2008):
"Why r yall so worried if its not yall?"
Because we are caring people who care about others and not just ourself. It sounds to me like maybe you dont have the ability to do that yet since you are going to sleep with her despite how it will effect others?
"Even though her marriage isn't great and her husband cheats there r still boundaries." Hmm sounds to me like shes just using you then to get her husband back. Do you honestly have that low self esteem that you would allow yourself to be used like that? Dont you think you are worth something more? I think you should look into your self esteem levels because htey dont seem very high from what you have written. Or are you in denial of the situation and dont think that is what is going on?
A
male
reader, int5 +, writes (12 April 2008):
int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSeriously thanks 2 everyone for their input I appreciate it
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A
female
reader, sarah_s  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Who's also the one being a smartass and uses sarcasm between his lines? Who's whining? More like ranting since, you keep coming back as if it's your victory. No hard feelings you just need to face facts and accept what people have said if you can't take it then why in need for a advice if you expect everyone will be soft on you.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 April 2008):
 All though the marriage is not great and he's cheating. To compromise personal morality says that area of moral belief didn't exist in the first place. True beliefs are 24/7, not changing according to the different situations.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Listen, Boy.
Quit your bitching.
This is the Internet.
This is an open Forum.
You came here and asked what to do, thus Opening yourself to others advice and opinions.
If the people here didn't care they woulnd't bother responding to your home wrecking virgin ass.
Good or Bad Marriage, that doesn't make it morally right.
Now quit your bitching and hump your lady cause if you cam here looking for Sympathy you'll only find it in the dictionary between Shit and Syphilis.
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A
male
reader, int5 +, writes (11 April 2008):
int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk sorry I mean smart ass answers not perfect. If people respond like that ill do the same. Like I said ill do the right thing so quit whining,I tried to say thanks but obviously nobody cares but they sure are quick to criticize
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A
female
reader, sarah_s +, writes (11 April 2008):
I appreciate you didn't get offended but, refrain yourself from calling those who you believe they're so perfect as if we trying to bash you down. Were only giving you right advices for goodness sake. Don't act immature. I hope your making the right decision.
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A
male
reader, int5 +, writes (11 April 2008):
int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate those who weren't so judgemental unlike those acting like they r perfect. I got advice from some good people and decided it may be a struggle with old emotions but ill do the right thing. Thanks to those who helped. Even though her marriage isn't great and her husband cheats there r still boundaries
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A
female
reader, sarah_s +, writes (11 April 2008):
Who said we were worried? Were just advising you what's best for you. If you listen to us you can avoid every detail of consequence. You can't predict at this rate. Certainly, not what your doing. You don't sound too happy about it either.
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A
male
reader, int5 +, writes (11 April 2008):
int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy r yall so worried if its not yall?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 April 2008):
I agree with Doc. Maybe we you can give her a couple of pictures of you so the kids know who was involved in their parents splitting.
You do understand, as a fore warning. (1) People have been killed over sleeping with someone's wife. I remember a case here 10 years ago. Husband caught the wife. Shot both the wife and lover, went picked up their kids from school, and went out to eat.
I've also checked with attorney's on this subject when I was in law school. Did you know, since kids are in his family, you can actually be sued by the husband for the affair with his wife, a joint suit with the wife and you.
I saw a case where this took place. $150,000 each. If not paid in 12 months, they'd accept jail time to make up the difference.
You need to really watch what you do. It is NOT okay to knowingly sleep with someone who has kids and is married. Hell if I were her lawyer, I'd even charge her with neglect and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Reason being, when being immoral, she's not raising her children. Taking part in something wrong is neglecting her children at that moment. That one action could loose her custody, and only allow supervised visits based on immoral behaviors that are not proper for someone who parents children.
If you do this, I hope it haunts you daily for what I and others have written. Maybe someday it will be your wife that's being poked by someone else. Will you tell her, oh I've done that before, go ahead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Let me tell you something if she dont do it with you she will do with somebody else. I hate when people put blame on other people.no one ever wreck no home the family was already in a mess. Not only this one Im talkin about any family. I hate when people put blames on an outside person. Man some on what they are telling you are right dont do it . But mho know mho she's been dealing with?
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female
reader, sarah_s +, writes (11 April 2008):
I never give answers like this to anyone becuase, I never met someone here as obsessed and ignorant like you. I feel so sorry for the husband and children. Disgraceful. I hope to God he'll give you a future because, it's clear you have none. As well, good job. She's got you in her advantage.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (11 April 2008):
congratulations.
not only are you a home wrecker. but you're also a moron.
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A
male
reader, int5 +, writes (11 April 2008):
int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've decided to have sex with her
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 And..what did you decide to do????
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A
male
reader, int5 +, writes (11 April 2008):
int5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have made my decision
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): It must be very hard for you but i don't think that you should go through with what she said to you abbout having sex that is not the answer, and if she is still married that will cause alot of problems for you it seems to me she will just be using you, please what ever choice you make don't go through with it think about her poor children you would not want to split up a family i have experience of this and to tell you the truth alot of people get hurt especially the children so try and find yourself a nice girl that will treat you right not just use you for sex best of luck.
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A
female
reader, sarah_s +, writes (7 April 2008):
It sounds to me she wants a first come first serve.
Her choice is rather self-centred I'm afraid you should be wise enough to understand she is in a relationship with children even though, it's quite tempting as the feelings still rely there.
My best hopes is that you look out for another person because, you want to loose your virginity to someone special don't you? She's the past not the future.
Best wishes. Sarah.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (7 April 2008):
I dont think you should have sex with her. I know you want to but trust me it wont be like you imagine it. It sounds to me like you have deep feelings for her and if you have sex with her you wont be able to seperate your emotions from the physical act...so you will probably feel used and abused after it. Considering you are a virgin this will make it even more hard to deal with. Probably more regret if you do it with her. How do you think you will feel after you have sex wiht her, realising that nothing more will ever come of it??? You might think you can deal with it now, but trust me it will be so hard and it will probably have many effects on you for a while after the act.
How will you feel knowing that the first time you had sex was with someone who wouldnt commit to you? Who was married and was using you as a way to escape her problems in her marriage? Dont you want you first time to mean so much more? Dont you want it to be in a loving relationship? you deserve to have that and her husband deserves to have a commited wife, although thats not your responsibility.
Most of all what about the guilt you will have to live with knowing you slept with a married woman? Do you think you could sleep at night? Oh and dont forget about her INNOCENT kids they have together. This could effect them too. Sure if she doesnt sleep with you she could find someone else to cheat on her husband with, but lets hope that if YOU stand up for whats right for you and her, then she will realise this too and wont go through with it. Advise he to seek some help, like marriage cousnelling.
I really hope you dont have sex with her, for your sake and for her husbands sake and their marriage. Something is wrong in there relationship, and they need to deal with it.
I know you miss her and I know it must hurt like hell, but that feeling will go away if you deal with it. But having sex with her will only INCREASE the pain. Its not the way to deal with it. Trust me. So do it for your sake, if not for her family's please. Let us know your decision.
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A
male
reader, Smiffy +, writes (7 April 2008):
Dont visit with her....I agree put yourself in her husbands shoes....how would you feel...
yet another relationship bites the dust cause two people cant control there urges....you prepared to take her on, plus her kids when it all goes tits up...????
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (7 April 2008):
If you do have feelings for her and want her to be happy, then you will not have sex with her while she is in another relationship. It does not matter how badly things might be going, she is still off limits as far as what she has suggested.
You would not want someone to treat you the way she is treating her husband. Have more respect for yourself. When you do get involved with someone, make sure that it is for you and only you.
While I respect that you do have feelings for her, from what you have said she does not deserve them and you could do a lot better. You should also know that there is a lot of difference between having sex and making love. The latter is far more satisfying and only possible when there is deep seated emotional involvement of both parties. This could not be possible while one person is cheating on someone else.
I wish you luck in the future and hope you hold out for a woman who is deserving of your feelings.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (7 April 2008):
my thoughts are.
she's a slut.
and you're a home wrecker.
this subject is offically moot.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 She is married and sex with a married women is adultery.
You will only complicate your life.
You can still be a friend to her .
There is a price to pay.
The temptation is there but it is better to walk away from it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 April 2008):
Your last paragraph is true, but that's not the way it happened. It's okay to miss her, but really how would sex change that. I will say, you might be greatful she went the direction she did. She's married, with children, and willing to have sex with someone other than who she's married too. What if you were the husband? Would you want her jumping on someone else while you're married to her?
To answer your question, put yourself in his shoes, that's your answer.
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