A
female
age
30-35,
*aelicgurl2479
writes:So, my best friend is a guy who lives in CA. I live in TX. We met at a national Bible conference type thing. Anyways, after meeting randomly in a gift shop, we just hit it off, and instantly became best friends. I cannot stress it enough, we are EXACTLY alike in personality, and he is the only person that I can talk to about certain things. He tells me that I'm one of few people that he's ever missed in his life, and he also talks about me to his family all the time. We've already talked about me having feelings for him, and we both kinda agreed to just drop it. However, lately I've been wondering. At the risk of sounding cliche, it feels so perfect. We both trust each other more than we trust even our own family members. He's the only person who can, without fail, cheer me up. And he says the same about me. We were talking about our friendship, and I was like, "How could our friendship get any stronger than it is now? I think it's hit it's peak." His response was, "Well, maybe if we got married it would get stronger..." I knew he wasn't really serious about it, but at the same time it made me think, he's the only person I've ever met that I think I could tolerate living with. Well, we've also discussed our friendship and agreed that our friendship was so strong that nothing could break it. I mean, we've never even argued once! He's also planning on flying out from CA to visit me in TX next year...I mean, he's just too good to be true, and while I love the way our friendship is now, I wish it could be more. But we've already talked to each other about "feelings" and as far as I know, he didn't and still doesn't have feelings for me. And the craziest thing of all, we both agree that this is the strongest, closest friendship either of us has experienced, and that we might as well have been twins separated at birth, also, we tend to think of what the other person is going to say before they say it, and often times end up speaking in unison or finishing the others sentence...the crazy thing about all of that, (which is all crazy in and of itself) is that I met him last April. Less than a year ago. I don't know what to think anymore...And I don't know what to do. So, help me out here. Do you really think I could be falling in love with him, and if so, what should I do??!!PLEASE COMMENT, I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT. AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING DESPERATE, I NEED YOUR HELP!!!! SO, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT OR MESSAGE ME!!! Thanks.
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male
reader, Diksn  +, writes (3 June 2011):
well in my own view i think if you guyz really think you don't need a relationship as that, gurl u gat to stand your ground and use the strenght within to put situation under control.U won't know aw strong you are until it is the only choice you've got.Now that's the onkly choice you've got so deal with it or fall for it.I av known ladies to be stronger than guyz in this kind of stuff.....
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 April 2008):
 Congradulations. Best of luck to you both.
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female
reader, gaelicgurl2479 +, writes (3 April 2008):
gaelicgurl2479 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much for all of your help. We got married on Valentine's Day. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I am in the same situation. My best friend is a guy I have known since high school...11 years. We do everything together. I go to his family functions and he goes to mine. Years ago he told me that he never wanted to ruin our one of a kind friendship by trying to be more than friends, but when he drinks he calls and tells me how much he loves me and hugs on me. Then when he is sober he suddenly doesn't remember saying/doing those things. Last week he was set up with a girl and he seems to really like her. It is KILLING me, I feel like I am being torn up inside. I don't want to say anything to him because he did make it clear that we were only friends, but I realize I really want so much more. I want him in my life, but I don't even want to meet this girl, so how can I deal with this? Do I tell him how I feel, or do I distance myself from him? I hate this feeling!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): My best friend and I decided to take it to the next level as we both were having deep feelings for one another and it was a disaster. We had been best friends for eleven years and were very close. Things change when you become romantically involved and you'll never be able to go back to the way things were if it doesn't work out.
You have so much more to lose when it's your best friend. My friend and I were so sure it would work and had waited so long to begin a relationship because we valued our friendship so dearly. It was devastating for us both when it didn't work out. We are still friends but it took a long time and much effort on both parts to get back to this point. It has been difficult.
My advice is to enjoy what you have, be thankful for the fantastic friend you have and don't risk losing something so precious.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I know quite a bit about how you feel. I am a college Junior in Upstate New York, and I met my best friend the first week I got here. I never really had any guy friends before, and I instantly had a crush on him, he treated me like I was special and worth his time, which was different for me, since I was sort of boy-phobic until college, and I'm sure I came off that way to guys. Not exactly the best way to meet people. But back to the story, all of freshman year we spent most of our outside-of-class time together doing all kinds of stuff. And then I thought I was falling for him for real, that maybe we could have a real meaningful relationship.
So under the advise of another friend, I told him how I felt, and he completely pushed me away. He stopped talking to me and hanging out with me like we used to. As if he were afraid of me. Then came the first summer of my college career. Summer kills most contact you have with college friends after freshman year, although it gets better as summers go on. But I couldn't stop thinking about him. Although he was really respectful about telling me that "he never really had feelings for me and we should be just friends,I should just worry about having fun over the summer," I had never felt so rejected, and I decided to bring it up with him again shortly after we got back. This was not one of my better ideas, and it hit a sore spot that came back with an angrier response than last time, that "I shouldn't expect everyone I have feelings for to feel the same way." I know this is true, but it couldn't have hurt anymore coming from him.
We spent our sophomore year seeing each other only sometimes at meals; we lived across campus and things were just different for us. Spring semester we got to being good friends again, which was great, since I had made promised myself to never have feelings for him again, that we were just different types of people. But we shared a love of a lot of things, and became really close. I went to visit him this past summer when he stayed in New York City for an internship and we talked so much more than we had the summer before. It was just what I wanted.
Ever since we came back this semester, and he only lives one floor above me, we are together 24/7. He has become my best and favorite friend, he always makes me feel better, and always makes me laugh. I've never had more fun with anyone. We think the same way and finish each others' sentences sometimes. I respect him completely and want nothing more out of love than what we have together right now. I think I've changed him and he's changed me; we are different people than we were, and it's so much for the better.
And I'm starting to feel special again, that I'm not just any ordinary person to him at all, and that he's got some sort of feelings for me, I think he may realize this. And I likewise have feelings for him. I just don't know how to deal with it. We have a friendship connection that I would never-in-a-million-years want to break, but I think that there's something more there between us. For many unselfish reasons, our being together would be the best thing for both of us. And I'm completely lost without him. He knows me better than I know myself, and as guarded and exclusive as he is with everyone we know, he lets me see who he really is, shares his problems, and trusts my opinions. I want no one else other than him, and as strange as it sounds, and I know I'm only 20 years old, but I think my best friend is my soulmate.
I just don't know how to find out if he feels the same things for me. Our talking about it has been a touchy subject in the past, and I don't want to bring back old problems we've already jumped hurdles to get past. How do you bring up something you've agreed to drop? (I know that reposing the question is not exactly the best way to answer it, but I hope that knowing you aren't the only one with this kind of problem and hearing another version of it helps a little in deciding what to do about it. :o) )
Best Wishes!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): Ok, well... I must say, I am sort of in the same situation, but I am in a realtioinship right now. My best friend has said he liked me, but I am just not sure if i should break up with my boyfriend of three years and start getting seroius with my best friend. I would advice you to just tell your best friend how you feel. If ya'll area as close as you make it seem, then just go for it. If he/ she is the kind of person he appears to be, then he/she will understand, and will give you an honest opinion. Trust your him/ her, and also trust yourself.
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female
reader, gaelicgurl2479 +, writes (7 October 2007):
gaelicgurl2479 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he has said before that he thought he mught be developing feelings for me, but that he was scared of it ruining our friendship. However, we are now at the point that weve both agreed that nothing could ruin our friendship...I dont know. I'm really confused, because I have feelings for this guy that I've never felt before. It's just really wierd...
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female
reader, gaelicgurl2479 +, writes (7 October 2007):
gaelicgurl2479 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he has said before that he thought he mught be developing feelings for me, but that he was scared of it ruining our friendship. However, we are now at the point that weve both agreed that nothing could ruin our friendship...I dont know. I'm really confused, because I have feelings for this guy that I've never felt before. It's just really wierd...
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 October 2007):
Didn't you agree to drop it? You also said twins separated at birth. If that was something that had happened, would you date your twin?
The reason I ask is, is this really a love for a relationship or is this a love like a twin separated at birth. It sounds like you have an incredible bond. He may not feel the same way because why take a chance of ruining this kind of friendship. They are so hard to find.
I would wait it out, see what happens, don't rush it, treasure the friendship you have with him now, because if you did end up dating, the boundaries of your friendship may change.
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