A
female
age
41-50,
*irlinTrouble
writes: Me and my boyfriend are together for 3 years, living together for 2 years.Last months were nerve-racking, we are arguing and fighting almost every day.I think there are 2 problems here: 1)i feel that i'm giving him much more and care about him more than he does about me,i'm tryin to make life interestin-small surprises,jokes but he just do nothin for relationship anymore; 2)i have problem with his friend,he cares abt him too much,i told him to choose between me and his friend,but my boyfriend so angry and defensive of his friend,we are on the edge.He was and is my first love,what can i do to save this relationship? any advice can help! thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 If you give , you should not expect to get back the same amount of love from him.
You love him and your expectation from him is too high and as a result you felt very disappointed.
You should not expect too high an expectation from him.
Many women generally think that they give off all 100% to
the relationship and expect the men to give back the same.
It does not work that way because the men have to think of their careers too.
It can come as a surprise to you that some men treat their
male friends better than their g/f.
You need to accept this fact.
To save this relationship , you should try to see from his
perspective and do not argue with him.
Do not issue challenges or ultimatums to him .
You will be the only loser.
Try to accommodate him and walk that extra mile for him.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 He's done what happens too often in relationships. Getting to comfortable. The second issue, now I can't understand why he is that way with a friend over you, but I can understand that some people are a bit more with the surprises and some are not. It he works on the second problem, the first one might work its self out. As far as what you can do with the first one is not expect. You do these things for him because you care much, there's nothing wrong with that. It can get frustrating when someone doesn't return much, but at the same time you don't do these things with the expectations of trading. You do so simply because that's who you are.
Try for a week in living unconditionally. Do what you choose, but do so without expecting anything in return. See if some of the stress isn't released by doing so. That will give you some cool off time so you'll be in a better position to discuss the issues without arguing.
Remember this when you discuss. You are you, he is he, you have your thoughts, he has his, you may be right, he may be right, you may be wrong, he may be wrong, you may be wrong and think you're right, he may be wrong and think he's right. It's the rule of perception. We all view the world and its happenings through out own eyes, it doesn't make it wrong and doesn't make it right, it's just how we see things. So when you discuss, it's a time to compromise with eachother, not have a war about who's right and who's wrong.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Hi
Its not right to make him choose between you and a mate, thats the first point. But its not helping that you feel you are making all the effort. Thats almost certainly building up resentment. Quite a few of us have been there at some point.
Communication is the key, and if you cant sort it out, you might never do. Maybe its come to an end?
C xxxx
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