A
female
age
41-50,
*aphire
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 9 years i have a 15 year old and he has a 12 year old i want to have a baby but he dosnt i feel resentment that he has had what i want with someone else but dosnt want with me.i dont know whether i should split up with him why i still have chance to meet someone who does want a child or stay with him and resent him forever im 32 and he is 39.I do love him but feel like he dosnt love me.
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female
reader, saphire +, writes (9 April 2008):
saphire is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for your reply its good that someone understands me.I had my daughter the 15 year old when i was 17 im 32 now and want another baby by 35 i would idealy like 2 close together i didnt want another child while my daughter was younger as id rather her have everything than struggle with 2 as i was on my own for 6 years at first he said he didnt want 1 because he didnt want his son to feel left out because he didnt live with us but now he is older its different and he already has brothers and sisters.I was an only child and always wanted a big family hes known all along that i wanted another baby.He say its just because i dont want to work anymore but thats not true.I understand what you mean about feeling he loved his ex more.Apparently his ex had her tubes untied to get pregnant and he didnt know but he stayed with her for awhile they didnt split up cos of that he says if i have a baby he will leave me.I cant help resenting his son i know i shouldnt but i feel like even though hes been with me a lot more years than he was with his ex they have something between them that we havnt.
A
female
reader, juliebug  +, writes (9 April 2008):
I am currently going through this same issue with my husband of one year (tomorrow). Before we dated three years ago, he made me believe he wanted more children. I have a 16 year old from a previous marriage. He has an 8 year old natural daughter and a 4 year old adopted daughter (internationally) from his previous marriage. He knew a huge factor in my last marriage breaking up was due to my ex-husband not wanting to have children. Of course, there was a huge age difference also so the baby thing was just one factor. My current husband and his ex-wife had fertility problems. She finally became pregnant (the child is now 8). But then she wasn't satisfied. Even though their marriage was already on the rocks, he allowed her to pursue international adoption. So, now they have another child (4 yrs old). He tells me that his ex took no responsibility for helping take care of the oldest child even when she was a baby. So why did he adopt another with her? Now, he says he has all the kids he wants and he wants to experience life just with me. I think he is being incredibly selfish because he knew that having a baby was my heart's deepest desire for many years. I am really hurt because I believe he must have loved his ex-wife more than me. Look at the lengths he went to to give her two children - fertility treatments and then adoption. Why am I not worth even trying naturally? It really hurts. I really understand your pain. I feel unloved and I feel like he doesn't care about my dreams.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Why do you feel this is about you? His decision may only be that he's not ready for, or has raised his child and doesn't want to go through that process again. When my youngest got out of diapers, I was ready to party, and that's not something I want to experience again. Also being in my mid 30's, I want to have some time to travel and enjoy retirement, without raising children. If you do leave to persue a baby, the relationship with him would most likely be not strong enough to consider having a child be part of it. You can tell that if your desire is greater than your love.
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