A
female
age
41-50,
*onay111
writes:I have a best friend who has a boyfriend, Ok all of a sudden other females are trying to let my friend know that he's still talking to his ex girlfriend. Because 1 how did his ex girlfriend find out about them moving, that he has a new car, and that she knows partial of his new cell phone number. And there is this woman on myspace who is trying to let my best friend know that her boyfriend is coming over to her other's house to see another girl. But my best friend saying that their making all this stuff up about him. But I want to tell her that she shouldn't be putting her trust into this guy whom she's been dating going on 3 years. I know my best friend going on 11 years. And she's only dated 2 guys. I want to say to her stop acting like he's so dam innoscent and ask him to tell you the truth. But I don't want to get invovled. I ask her want do she think about it, All she says is that their making all these things up. How and what should I do to stay out of it, and tell my friend without breaking up our friendship over a guy that he is doing all this dirt behind her back. Because she works during the day and some days he don't have to work. It's really getting on my nerves. I had to just ask this question to get it off my chest. Please Help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 The only thing you can do is sit her down, without her boyfriend, or anyone else in the room for that matter and say "I really really really don't want to hurt you. I've been your best friend for eleven years and I'd never say anything to hurt you, so please listen to me because I don't want to see you hurt. All these things that you are hearing about your boyfriend, do they not cause you to worry at all? They are worrying me, and I know of certain things that have been happening between your boyfriend and another girl that you should know about." Explain what you know and then tell her that she is a very attractive girl and that she shouldn't worry about not being able to get with another guy.
You should say this because if seems that she's rejecting all these claims about her boyfriend because she's terrified of losing him and that she feels she wouldn't be able to get another boyfriend? Is that what it seems to you?
But do NOT yell, or get angry with her. She will accept it more if you speak gently to her and if you say " I feel that.." or " it seems that..." instead of "HE'S BEEN DOING THIS! AND THAT!" because she can blame you for your accusations but she can't blame you for the way you feel.
It's hard, but if she DOES tell you to leave her alone, and if she does get angry with you, then you've done all you can do.
If she doesn't trust you, then it's her own fault for rejecting the truth and the likelyhood is that she will find out about it herself and she'll come running back to you, and if she does, be sure to be there for her. I know that you'll probably feel that you don't want to be take care of someone who's really uspet about her boyfriend when you told her the truth in the first place, but as her friend, you should be there because she'll need you more than anyone.
So, talk to her, and if she gets angry, then just back away, you've done all you can do, and when she does find out be there for her.
If she does turn on her boyfriend, be sure to be there for her.
If her boyfriend turns around and says that he's not been doing anything wrong, just make sure your best friend knows the truth. That's all you can do.
I hope this helps.
xxx
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 April 2008):
 I'd just tell her as a friend that you're not trying to judge him the wrong way, but you really ask her to sit down and think about it. Sometimes you want to not find out about being cheated on because pain comes with that, so we hide the possiabilities and push aside little clues that others see lead to that conclusion. But a relationship first starts with trust, and if that trust is gong to be compromised, we have to take time to read between the lines, and ultimately do what's best for us. It's not a healthy relationship if one is being trusting and the other is out for a buffet when the other is not looking. Tell her you want her to be happy and treated as you know she deserves to be.
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