A
female
age
41-50,
*.J.
writes: I have been with my BF for 6 years. I have known for a very long time that I need to leave. He knows I am going to leave and he does his very best to keep me down. Every time I start a new job he does something to make me really messed up in the head and I end up getting fired because I can't focus. I just started a new job and last night we went to a bar and he drank two pitchers while I drank two bottles of water.....he gave me the keys with out a fight this time but we live over an hour away from the city and it is a rural area. We were about half way home when he flipped out. He turned the radio up all the way and rolled down the windows (it's freezing out!) and started screaming at me. I replied in a calm voice and told him he needs to chill out...I pulled the car over and put it in park, looked at him and told him to calm down. He slapped me back and forth across the face and then head butted my face. I got out and started walking down the highway, he came running after me yelling about the keys so I threw them in the ditch. He grabbed me and shook me really hard demanding I give him the keys, I kept telling him they were in the ditch. It went on like this for quite a while. He went back to the car and started rummaging through my emergency roadside kit, couldn't find what he was looking for so he threw the whole thing all over the road and then struck me in the back of the head really hard. I took a walk and waited for him to chill out and then came back and got the flash light out of my consol and found the keys and went home. This is the kind of thing he does to me. I get really upset and can't seem to snap back very easily. I want to leave, but I can't because I don't have the resources. I can't provide for myself and he ahs cut me off from all of my friends and family. I have no one to turn to. What do I do?! Are there resources out there that will help me get my own place? We don't have a very dependable bus system like most places, so I need transportation to get to work too. Where do I turn? It seems like every time I ask for help the reponse I get is "Well, we would like to help you, but if you don't have children......" I am NOT going to bring a child into this kind of a life!!! I live close to Council Bluffs, Iowa. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Here's that information I got for you. Hope this helps you out. Just remember, take it one step at a time. Take care of yourself.
I apologize for getting back to you late - I was out of the office
unexpectedly. Here is information about the domestic violence program
in Council Bluffs.
* Catholic Charities Phoenix House http://www.catholiccharitiesdm.org*
300 West Broadway Suite 223
Council Bluffs, IA 51503
Office: 712-256-2059
Fax: 712-256-1186
Crisis Line: 888-612-0266
[email address blocked] mailto:[email address blocked]
Service Area: Pottawattamie, Harrison
I'm not familiar with the Council Bluffs area, but I'm sure staff at the
crisis line can help connect to resources in the area. Good luck!
Kristie
[email address blocked]
319-351-1042 ext. 112
Kristie Fortmann-Doser, CDAA III
Executive Director
Domestic Violence Intervention Program
P.O. Box 3170
Iowa City, Iowa 52244
Crisis Line: 351-1043 or 1-800-373-1043
Business Line: 351-1042
Fax: 466-4624
[email address blocked]
www.dvipiowa.org
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 March 2008):
I sent a message to the Counsel Bluffs domestic violence group. They'll send me a list of resources which work under your situation without children.
My first initial though was to notify the sherrif and have him arrested for domestic violence. That needs to wait. This form of violence is the "controlling" form. It's a form of violence which a restraining order would not stop him from contacting you. The first step is to get you out of that home, and where there are other people around.
It may be, after seeking shelter the police may need to be notified and take it from there. Sometimes its better to smile at the devil than to get the devil in trouble and make those horns really come out.
You will need to end contact with him. I know you just began employment, but I urge you let your boss know what's going on, so if he attempts to retaliate at your place of work, that employees know his car, what he looks like and such so immediate action can be taken.
Do you have friends or relatives you can stay with for a short period? Also, if you have a cell phone number, when you leave, you may want to change your phone number. Let others know, under no circumstances are they to give that number out to people who ask.
DO NOT TREAT THIS LIGHTLY. His behavior is considered to be a fueled behavior. Something is driving anger and he is directing that release toward you. Remember his behavior has to do with him and his actions. It has nothing to do with you. You're just the unfortunate person who that agression is directed. No matter who's with him at this period of time, they would be experiencing the same behaviors.
I hope this helps. I'll send a reply when notified by your state.
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