A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for almost 13 years now... and have three daughters. Ever since we had our second child which was only 2 years into our marriage our sex life has declined. Back then if we had sex once a month it was a good thing.... now we can go 6+ months without sex. My husband is constantly downloading porn from the computer... hides it and lies about it. I've found gay porn and also kiddie porn (actual babies being raped) on our computer. He always makes excuses when I confront him about it.... says he didn't download those it just came with all the other things he downloaded. I've never truly enjoyed sex with him.... for the longest time he wouldn't even touch me... just get up on top and do his thing. I can't tell you the last time that he performed oral sex on me..... it has been YEARS!!! I love him, but more as a friend/brother than anything else. I am only 32 years old and I don't want to waste anymore of my life with a man that I believe may be gay or something. I know that it is natural for straight men to be curious about gay sex.... but what about when this "straight" man doesn't even show interest in sex with his own wife?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 April 2008):
 What I find to be real crazy, but not surprising is how many relationships and marriages are going on right now, where the participants have absolutely no idea what they're doing. They have no clue about what makes a good relationships, or the responsabilities in a marriage. Most are confused, even what love really is, but that word is tossed out so much almost like it's lost true meaning.
Does he understand kiddie porn is illigal to have on any personal computer or to transmit or receive transmitions of such porn. The F.B.I. recently held a sting opperation in a couple of big states. They set up dummy websites, which the only way to find them is by searching for underage porn. They would then raid the homes and make an arrest for their attempt to access what they aren't suppose too.
You seem like a good caring parent. What do you think your husband would do if he clicked on his computer, and it was your own daughter displayed there? I believe people should respect the children of others as they would their own children. Someone is hurting every second of every day because of being raped or having a child raped or molested. It's sad. With him viewing its almost like saying "it's okay for these people to hurt, so I can get some excitement."
About living in a loveless marriage. It's hard. What's even harder to realize is you and your husband created your marriage to be the way it is now. Did you know that "love" is not a feeling? It's a choice. Everything we do to gain attraction, boost romance, give to the other, share with the other, care for the other, all begins with choice. Those choices then develop good feelings and emotions about being with the other person, and can reach the point where we "CHOOSE" to love them. "True love" is also unconditional. It's loving someone, without any return expectation. It's also the choice that allowes some couples to overcome some of the greatest obsticals, and not loose their love for the other.
I'd say looking at kiddie porn, there's something messed up. Now sex is not love. It's only an expression. To express how you desire the other person to feel good. It's not about jump on, jump off. (Those words made me think of Karate Kid). Jumping on and off is because of selfish desire. It's selfish because its done so without the real purpose of the act present, which is becoming one and enjoy pleasing the other person.
You are both really off balance in this marraige. The right questions need to be asked. You ask yourself, but you're not asking him. You need to ask questions, such as "Do you really want to remain married to me?", "Do you understand the way we're going, I'm not happy being married to you?"
Let him know by his activity that you feel as if he desires his computer more than he does you. Let him know really how you feel and how this behavior is really making you think about weather or not you wish to remain in this marriage. You didn't get married to pop out a few kids, then let the marriage just fizzle out.
I hope this helps. take care
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