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age
36-40,
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writes: I am going through relationship struggles with my fiancée, I cheated on her when we were living together, and she moved back to Georgia. a few weeks have gone by now, and I am starting to change, I am being more honest with myself and her, I am beginning to accept Christ back into my life and have stopped drinking, it has been 29 days now without a drink, which is not that much, but its a good start. My fiancée and I don’t talk on the phone anymore because she doesn’t want to hear my voice and become upset. We text message each other quiet often, but it’s not the same because you can’t explain things very well in text messages. When she found out I cheated she didn’t know who to talk to, she didn’t want to talk to her parents about it because they were already not very fond of me as it is and she didn’t want them to dislike me even more, so she called my mother and told her everything that I did, which was an acceptable amount of things, but any amount is more then you want your parents to know. When she talked to my mom, my mom asked for the ring back and told her she wanted to hold onto it and when things were better between us, she wanted to see her wear it one day. She ended up not giving her the ring and later told my parents that she wanted to appraise the ring and sell it to pay off her debts that she went through by moving to Arizona. My parents were very happy with that, because they didn’t want her to sell it. They called and told me the situation and told me that they were 99% sure she was going to sell the ring and wanted to know what I was going to do. They told me if I wanted a lawyer to let them know and they would arrange everything due to me being across the country. I then told my parents that I didn’t want to take legal action and burn any bridges that I had of fixing things and getting back with her. I told her though not to sell the ring, and if she did I would never talk to her ever again and then would probably have to file legal action because I can’t afford and don’t want to pay for a ring that she isn’t going to be wearing. so a few days go on, and I get a phone call from my mom saying my father went to her mothers work and told her to let her daughter know that if she sells the ring he is going to take them to court, he told them this beyond my knowing and added some of his opinion of the situation into it. I was crushed, as soon as that happened I ultimately thought that was the end of anything that that could have been us. I was crushed, I was scared, I was sick to my stomach, because even though I did terrible things to this person, I am still madly in love with her and I want to have her back and spend the rest of my life with her. the problem is I have lied to her in the past and after since before my dad went to talk to her mom about bringing legal action to it I mention something to her in text messages about legal action she thinks I told my dad to go talk to her mom. I told my fiancée the truth and she still doesn’t believe me. I called her mother and apologized for my father, and told her that it was inappropriate for my father to go to her place of business and confront her in front of her coworkers and it was inappropriate to get in between there son and daughters relationship. So here I am clean across the country, not really knowing who to talk to, my fiancée doesn’t talk to me is hurt by what I did to her and doesn’t believe me or trusts me enough to tell me things because she thinks I might go to my parents and tell them information that could be used against them if something else happened. I didn’t want any of this to happen but im trying to do the best I can. I am going to be away with work for nearly ten days where I have no cell phone service and won’t be able to talk or even text message my fiancée or parents. All I have is email and internet. I am going home after these 10 days and want to see my fiancée, I have sent her postcards, flowers, little letters here and there, and made her a storybook with pictures of us in it to tell her how sorry I am. What can I do to make things better? How can I make her trust me? And what can I do when I come home so I will be able to speak to her and see her and hang out with her without her being overwhelmed? I have 8 days at home, before I leave for nearly a 7-1/2 month deployment. Im scared if I don’t make a big enough impact when im home, she isn’t going to be waiting around for me when I come back. Please help me.
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female
reader, joana20  +, writes (9 April 2008):
You should give her some space for now...For a few days at least, see if she says something...If she tries to contact you...
About your parents, you really should talk to them, ask them not to interfere so much with your problems...They love you, and they want the best for you..But sometimes they do things that won't make your life any better.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 She may or may not be when you get back. Do you really believe you deserve her after cheating on her? That's for her to decide. Now one of the worse things you can do is telling her everything you're doing to make life better. Reason being "if you wanted to be with her, why didn't you do it before loosing her?"
You can't make someone trust you. You are trusted by action. It's something that's earned, and as you know can be lost by poor decisions as well. You're acting now out of despiration. STOP! Let's say it takes a year to really get her to trust you. Would you rather have her in a year or loose her for good by acting despirate? You can really push her away by doing so.
Remember the first person you need to be true to is you. If you we're to switch places with her, what would keep you from giving another chance? The reason you do this is since you hurt her, it's no longer about you and the outcome you want. It's about her. What can you offer? Why should she believe you now? We know you want her back, she knows you want her back, but it's up to her having real reason to come back.
There are so many different ways that could be taken. We don't know her, so it's hard for us to choose what would work better than another. When you do talk to her, remember it's about her and not you. If it is about you, it needs to be accepting responsability for why she's gone. Such as. "I understand you don't trust or believe me. You have every reason not too. I am sorry for the pain I caused you, and loosing you I realize how much I can loose by my actions."
I hope this helps, take care.
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