A
male
age
41-50,
*ianoPunkGuy
writes:I've been with this girl for 2 years now, and I'm a total mess now. Here is the deal.We met in argentina where I was on vacation. She went to that vacation with a guy but dumped him on the trip because she met me, however she told me that that was just a friend and there was nothing going on. (later i found out he was in fact his bf... bad start). You can say we lived a beautiful time over there, we where in love, sex was absolutely awesome, we enjoyed each other to the fullest.We came home as couple and I was really into her, really wanting to go the distance with her. However things started going sour on the next months. Up until then I considered myself to be a pretty healthy guy, exercise, good eating habits, no fights, good decent friends, a couple drinks now and then, tried pot but didn't like it, etc...During the trip I tried cocaine, and didn't like it quite that much, but as my relationship with her grew, so did mine with miss cocaine. I met her friends back home and they where pretty much into drugs, and so was she. At parties she would hunt and flirt with the guy that had the cocaine just to get some.But I was ok with all that. "nothing serious, just for fun" i thought.Then one day we had an argument over her flirting for cocaine because I thought she was going too far, and I left the party and recommended her to one of my closest friends. The next day my friend told me that he made out with her after I left.I was really disappointed at both of them, and never consider my friend as a real friend anymore. However I forgave her.Things got better, but I got more into her friends and drugs. Another day we had an argument and she started hitting me. I didn't know what to do, I've never had violence on a relationship, NEVER EVER so much as a slap on the face, NEVER. But she came to me full force and I had to shove her away because she was scratching my face. She fell and started SCREAMIIIIIIING that I had hit her. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!! And then she called her ex bf and told him that I was hitting her. I took a breath and tried to calm things down, I actually thought that the ex bf call wasn't for real (how dum). But it was. The ex bf came to the apartment and I had to fight my way out of there. Long story short, I forgave her, as I did with many other things she has done to me.I always told her that her thing with drugs was bad and she started to change, she got a better job, and stopped hanging out with her "bad friends". By then I was pretty deep down the hole. I had a cocaine overdose, I hung with bad people, I figured, if it was ok for her to sleep around it was ok for me, I fucked every girl I possibly could (I have a rock band, and groupies are always there), got depressed from screwing around so I got drunk, I even revenge fucked my friends gf (the one that slept with my gf, thats probably the one thing I dont regret, hehe).... well you know the deal. I went bad.Thankfully I'm clean now. Not hanging out with the bad apples, starting over projects.But the thing is... I cant leave her!!! Each time I break up with her she finds a way to get back in her bed. I always think, if I dont see her it will be okay, I wont fall into temptation. But she always finds her way, sometimes its that we have to see each other because I owe her money, sometimes because she has something important of mine, like my laptop or my guitar, or maybe that I committed myself to doing a favor for her... anything!!And I always fall back!!!!!What the hell is wrong with me???!!?!?!And the last and most surprising part is that we are not having that much sex as before, now we do it like twice a month, so its not that Im addicted to the sex. What the hell is wrong?!?!?!
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depressed, drugs, drunk, flirt, her ex, money, revenge, violent Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Hunny your welcome, Im happy that I could help love.. You take care of you!!! God bless with love and prayers MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
male
reader, PianoPunkGuy +, writes (6 April 2008):
PianoPunkGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much Mandy for your kind words. I went thru the links you sent and I realized one important thing. The reason I just can't leave her is because I'm trying too much, I keep obsessing over it, and some part of me thinks that by trying to be with other women I'll somehow get over her. You are right she is an addiction, and the way I'm dealing with her is to just replace her addiction for another one, and that just isn't healthy nor effective.
I really need to take a break from all of it, focus on other stuff and give myself time to heal. Perhaps when I'm stronger I'll see things clearer and move on.
Yes ron, you also made aware of an important point, I feel bad because it just isn't me. I hate the way I'm acting lately and all the guilt is probably a good sign that deep down I believe that I'm not like that. And yes, she isn't guilty for my reckless behavior, only I can be responsible for that. I need to start thinking that way. I mean, yeah, she was a big part of it , but I'm starting to realize that by taking more responsability for my acts I'm empower myself to take corrective measures. If I keep blaming her, then I'm thinking that she's the only one who can fix things.
And yes, I really think she has some kind of mental dissorder. She can go from being the sweetest things to the cruelest being in half an hour.
Mandy, I can't thank you enough for your very kind words, you made me realize I need to take a break and rebuild myself. God bless you!!!
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 When you got to the making out part, that's about the time I would of called it quits. Actually, I would of as soon as I found out she had the boyfriend. That should have placed a red flag right in front of you.
Being with someone who treats you like this will lower your sense of self. I see her as possiably having a mental disorder. It may be that she's undiagnosed. Coke is actually used often as a substitute drug for mental disorders for some who don't realize they have it.
You need to start working on building yourself back up. What's wrong with you, you ask. Let me ask you a question. You said you felt bad sleeping around because she was doing the same. Feeling bad means that behavior is against your normal character or way of being. Why would you compromise your integrity, morals and beliefs by taking part in behaviors that are against what you stand for?
When you build yourself up, that won't happen. That's when you live by your standards and don't allow them to be compromised beucase of the actions of another person.
Just remember, all your actions are personal choices. No one has the power by what they think, say or do, to cause the actions or inactions of another. We all make choices and need to be held accountable for them
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): Hunny
I read your question twice mabe more so I got all the facts and through all the drug taking and change in behaviour one think stands out and that is the drugs are bad yes! They control your life yes! You have your life more in control now but you still have one drug problem, IT HER!!!!!It matters not about the sexual side of things hunny its the fact that she always finds an excuse to bring you back into her life..You've been through it all sweetheart you have tryed getting back at the friend who hurt you, You tryed joining in as if you cant beat em then join them and your life has been one hell of a learning exprience hunny. You need to make sure you have everything possible that maybe at your g/fs place and start again love, Your not happy you need to find yourself again and get strong and happy be this with out her for awhile, You need to do some serious healing...
Im sending you a link on stress management
hunny at the bottom of the page is advise on all sorts it wont all apply to you but I hope some of it is a help for you.... This book may be of help to you hunny....
Handbook of Self and Identity By Mark R. Leary, June Price Tangney
http://stress.about.com/od/managetimeorganize/a/timelifecontrol.htm
http://www.achieving-life-abundance.com/how-to-gain-self-confidence.html
Ive poped in a few links hunny they may not apply to you at all but its worth a shot one little piece of information may come in handy, Your strong you've got through so much I hope this has help a little TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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