A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I'm a 46 year old divorced working single mom of 4 kids, so needless to say I'm usually very busy with everything. I've been divorced for 3 years now. Here's my dilemma, about a month ago I just moved into a new place that I'm renting and I've gotten to know the guy that lives a few doors down after I asked him for some help while I was moving. He's 35 single no kids, nice and very cute. My kids are with my ex husband every other weekend and even more so with him in the summer. During those times I get pretty lonely and I haven't had any alone time with a man since I was married. I'm not really looking for a relationship due to my hectic schedule and it wouldn't really be fair to the other person. I don't want it to be just about sex but also to have someone to do things with on those weekends etc.. So is this bad of me?? Does it make me sound like a bad mother? and how do I ask him without making myself sound desperate and cheap? and would a younger man even be interested in spending time with a woman 11 years older? Thank you for any and/or all replies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): Thank you so very confused.
Asking him to go and do something whether it be getting some ice cream or grilling out is easy enough. The thing that has me nerveracked is he's a little on the shy side and how do I made it aware that's the direction I want to take this?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 June 2014):
 sounds to me like you have it under control.
you want to be an adult when your kids are not around and you found someone you think you want to do it with.
why not ask him to do something the next time you are kid free. Women asking guys to do stuff is perfectly acceptable in this day and age.
start with afternoon coffee or it's summer.. go for a Rita's ice or something.
as for the age... i'm 54 and my hubby of nearly 2 years just turned 41. yep a 13 yr gap and we do just fine.
my only concern is at 35 with no kids the fact that you have 4 kids may put him off.... make sure he's aware you are looking for ADULT fun and games not another "father" for the kids.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 June 2014):
Whether or not he'd be interested is up to him. Not us or you. The only way you'll find out is to ask. Don't be too surprised if he says no, but don't be hurt either, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.
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A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (11 June 2014):
Hi,
I think this is a great idea. Carry on talking to him as normal and possibly invite him in for a coffee some time. I wouldn't worry about the age gap either. Also, a similar situation happened to me once, a divorced mum of 3,(47) six years older than myself was keen on me. I had no idea she had any thoughts on this, but had coffee with her, got to know her as friends. I enjoyed talking to her and watching TV and eating out. We have now been married over 6 years now. (ha!) At the time, I had no intention of jumping into bed with her or any ulterior motive. We just enjoyed company at first and then suddenly feelings developed. I say it is worth getting to know him. Just see what develops. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2014):
 No, why should you be a bad person for desiring companionship and intimacy ?, everybody does in some measure. Neither you'd be a bad mother for that , mothers are human beings too, and once you have performed your motherly duties and taken good care of your kids, whatever you do in any free time you may have left , it's your business only.
Asking a man out does not make you desperate or cheap,- keep in mind it opens you up to rejection, though . The guy may very well say thanks but no thanks, for whatever reason of his, .. and if you are the type who would feel this is HER fault for having come across as " desperate " or " cheap " ... then don't even go there. Ideally, you should take it as if you were offering a neighbourly treat, say, a piece of homemade cake . " May interest you in... ? " and if he says , no, I am on a diet, or no, I dislike sweets, you should be able to not take it personally.
As for if, could he be interested, honestly , go figure. I don't feel the age difference per se would be an hindrance, seen how ever- growing the cougar fad has been in the past , say, couple of decades. If any, you being older could be a plus !- at least for a sex story. Then again, he has to find YOU attractive regardless of your age, like, to give you a stupid example, maybe he does not mind older blonde woman, but you are an older brunette and not his type regardless of age.
Keep in mind another thing, also : you want sex AND companionship, and I am not saying that's impossible to get, au contraire. It's a myth that a young(er ) man must be a lusty brute only interested in sexual performances , and not open to friendship, conversations, sharing interests , etc. A young man is a PERSON, he may not be interested in a steady coommitted relationship ( neither you are ) , but if you have compatibile personalities and get along well, - if he enjoys the time you spend together, he won't feel he has to confine this time to within your bedroom.
BUT : you are in a peculiar , limiting situations, you have little time and inflexible hours, and ideally you are looking for some kind of permanence, some kind of reliability. Ideally you want someone ( this guy or another one ) to show up every 15 days , have intimacy, go out places together,- rinse and repeat faithfully every two weeks. That may prove difficult in practice, this would be too little for somebody who really likes you and looks forward to spend time with you, and at the same time , too much, in term of committment and predictability, for someone who wants just something very casual, fling-y and go -with -the -flow.
Anyway, you can always try, if it does not pan out or does not work, - it's not like you have anything to lose, right ?, you do not have an emotional investment in this guy . ( And, seen the situation,... if you do get together, make sure you do not develop one. DC teaches me that women are always ready to breezily declare " oh I just want to have some fun ",... only to find themselves miserable, attached and jealous by the third or fourth encounter ! ).
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 June 2014):
 "So is this bad of me?? Does it make me sound like a bad mother?" - of course it's not bad of you, nor does it remotely make you a bad mother. Just because you're a mother doesn't mean you're supposed to be alone and lonely forever. You deserve happiness. Everyone does. You're not at all doing anything wrong.
"How do I ask him without making myself sound desperate and cheap?" - why would asking the guy out make you sound desperate and cheap, in general? As stated earlier, desiring human contact is a natural thing. We are social creatures by nature. We aren't meant to be alone. There's typically an innate tendency to desire a partner to share experiences with. Asking this guy out doesn't in ant way, shape, or form make you look desperate. It makes you look like a normal person asking another person out. And I don't believe he would think you're cheap for nlt ookijg for anything particularly serious. He knows you're a mother of four, after all. Don't think too much into it. You're being your own worst enemy
"would a younger man even be interested in spending time with a woman 11 years older?" - of course no one knows the answer to that until you ask. He may be extremely interested. He may not. Either way, what does it hurt to find out?
You deserve happiness and companionship. Don't psych yourself out or trick yourself into believing you're too old or you're a mother so you missed your opportunity. You should give it a shot. And even if it doesn't work out with this particular guy, who knows, another guy may be right around the corner. Don't give up.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, The Corporate Casanova +, writes (11 June 2014):
 I see no harm in having a romantic relationship with the neighbor.
If both parties are single/divorced, let there be love; so go for it!
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