A
female
age
36-40,
*unnymommy2k35
writes:why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex.....i have been with my partner for almost 3 years we have a 9 month old little boy together and im 2 months pregnant with our 2nd baby our sex life is great but i started to notice recently that my partner has only tried giving me oral once or twice tops and lasted all of seconds i have asked him why he dosent and he just says "im not into it" but he expects me to give him oral all the time please help xxx5
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): I agree with So Very Confused, if someone gets no pleasure from a sexual activity; it's pointless to insist that they do it.
If they absolutely refuse, what can you do? Whether it's painful or not, if it disgusts them; you'll turn the bedroom into a battleground or chamber of horrors. They'll just stop altogether. Then you'll be wondering why he lost interest. Sorry, but it's not always 50/50. There are just some things people will not do.
Some people like tongues in places most consider quite unsanitary. They may be your partner; and may give you what you like. That doesn't obligate you to reciprocate if it comes across as gross. Certain things make me gag. So I will not do them.
So you claim to enjoy giving him pleasure even though you don't like giving blowjobs. Is this true, or just said for the sake of argument?
Even if you submit to giving him a bj, that's a personal choice that you can apparently live with. I think you're making this an issue; because he objects to doing it. Not because you want it so bad.
You can play tit-for-tat, but you know what? Oral sex is just one facet of love-making. You can continue to make an issue of it, or you can shrug it off and just enjoy sex period. Multitudes of men go without BJ's; because a large number of women will not do it. Welcome to the club.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 I don't find anal painful... to each his own.
again he may not do it because HE DOES NOT LIKE TO DO IT.
if he likes to do it and does not because he is lazy and selfish that's different.
but if he does not do it because he does not like the activity it's the same thing as comparing it to any activity you do not like. His reason may not be because performing is painful but there may be other issues that make him uncomfortable with the activity.
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A
female
reader, bunnymommy2k35 +, writes (6 June 2014):
bunnymommy2k35 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am not blackmailing him at all iv gone 4 years without it and can go on without it i cant help it if it makes me feel like hes been a little selfish i never pressure him into anything if he gave me a genuine reason for not liking it maybe then id have closure u cannot compare oral to anal as anal can very painful and oral is not at all
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 I agree with SVC, I don't believe that people should be blackmailed ,so to speak, into performing sexual acts that are disgusting, unappealing or uncomfortable to them.
No more BJs until he accepts to go down on you ?... Mhhh... picture the following scenario :
You are a woman who HATES anal ( like many women ). You don't like the idea, it's a big turn off, you have tried it once or twice, for a few seconds, just to make him happy, but- definitely it is not your thing. Your husband instead likes anal and is always asking for it and being refused. Eventually he gets tired and says " You know what ? No anal sex for me = no vaginal penetration for you . If you won't take it in the orifice I say, I'll retort by not giving it to you in the orifice you say "
Would you think this is a fair , honest deal... or would you think that your husband is being a manipulative selfish jerk ?....
If he does not like oral, he just does not like it. He should not have ( literally ) having it shoven down his throat through psychological or other pressure.
You can always decide if you can stand the idea of a relationship without oral sex. If you do and can accept having a not exactly perfect sexual relationship as long as the GENERAL relationship makes you happy, fine. If you decided that to you oral is too important to be skipped... then you are sexually incompatible with your current partner and you need to get another one who is into the very same stuff you like .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): I don't know if you shave the pubic area; but I do have this suggestion. Just do it once. You can use a dental dam over your vagina where he can still give you oral pleasure; if he doesn't like the taste or small. You still feel everything. You can even use a small piece of cling wrap over it, and still feel the full pleasure of oral sex; while he doesn't have to be put-off. Just a thought. If he just doesn't like it, he just doesn't like it. You can go back and forth, but if he absolutely hates it. I guess there's no compromise.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 June 2014):
My husband does not give oral. He made it very clear to me when we were dating that he cannot do it. He cannot tolerate the smell or the taste even when I am freshly showered. I do not have odor etc but he is overly sensitive to tastes and smells and textures (he has food issues over texture as well)
Since he was up front and honest about it from the beginning it was on me to decide what I wanted to do... at my age and my experience I opted to stay with him. I do not think I could do it at a much younger age as I only orgasm from a partner with oral stimulation.
So no I do not get oral performed for me. And I miss it.
On the other hand I do not believe that sex is a tit for tat type of thing so that I do not withhold oral sex from my spouse. He loves blow jobs. I love giving them so I often will give him a blow job but I don't expect him to give me oral if he does not want to.
Just like there are women that won't or can't give blow jobs and choose not to, there are men that won't or can't perform cunnilingus and choose not to.
You have these options:
accept that he does not like performing oral and:
1. live without oral sex while you are partnered with this man
or
2. leave him because he's a lousy lover that does not satisfy you
or
3. stay with him but gain his permission to take a lover that will give you what you need/want
the one thing that is NOT an option is trying to force him to do something he does not want to do. If you only give him blow jobs so he will give you oral then stop giving him blow jobs (he may end the relationship for you as for some folks not getting oral is a deal breaker).
IF you give him blow jobs because you want to give him bjs then continue that and accept that he will not give you oral.
It's not a mandatory act... if you want and he won't give you can leave him.
what you cannot do is accept that he won't give you oral and then whine about it. If you accept it you can't complain.. if you don't accept it then you can leave.
it seems so cut and dried because it is.
it's just a question of how important this is to you.
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A
female
reader, bunnymommy2k35 +, writes (6 June 2014):
bunnymommy2k35 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx guys for your great answers x
i have discussed this with him and always get the same im putting him on a bj ban and will simply say sorry im not into it i dont like giving oral all the time to get nothing bk but i do love to pleasure my man so thats the enjoyment i get out of giving it just wish feeling was mutual
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Here in the states. we slways used to call it" going down on her" or "muff diving" all kinds of wierd other things. It takes a bit of time to think it through and kind of work up the courage so to speak. We men are never quite sure what we do is pleasing enough for the woman. Our main goal in sex is to provide maximum pleasure for our lady. You just need to bribe him with some oral teasing of your own. Start then stop. Let him know you'll complete the act when he has satisfied your needs. Good luck happy hunting
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): Please don't take offense. It may be the taste or smell.
Have you not come right out and asked your man what's up?
You are the mother of his children and his mate, you should be able to openly discuss the things that pleasure you sexually. He should want to please you in every-way. Considering you don't mind stretching your figure, and carry his babies for nine-months to giving birth.
The most difficult thing is hearing the truth. Ask, listen, and learn. If you want something that you aren't getting in your relationship, you have to speak up about it. You have to know your partner's reasons; so you can reach a solution that will make everybody happy. My suspicion is he's just too lazy after he gets-off. You've spoiled him by doing everything he likes and being too passive.
Try starting sex with him taking care of you first, then you return the favor. I would bet you a diamond ring, that you always let him initiate sex and he is always the aggressor, and you're submissive. Sometimes mummy has to take charge, and ask for what she wants before daddy gets what he wants.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 June 2014):
 So next time he says "give me head" you tell him, I'm not into that?
Honestly though, if he isn't a fan of giving oral isn't that fair enough? Just like if you didn't like it he shouldn't PRESUME to get them all the time either.
Sex is about intimacy and MUTUAL pleasure, if he is NOT enjoying it you get sub-par oral and he is doing it because he feels he HAS to.. So not so enjoyable...
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