A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex an I was together a year and 3 months. And we broke up on Saturday. And he moved on started dating another girl. But the day after the break up he was being so so mean to me. And now he's been texting me for 3 days non stop he texts from when he wakes up til he goes to sleep.I have a two year old daughter that's not his but he says he miss me and her. He paid for me to go to medical assistant school. He helping plan her birthday party and also paying for some of the stuff when I didn't even ask him to. He's going to pay my phone bill as well again I didn't ask him to help. He says he doesn't wanna see me struggle and stuff but he texts me constantly and when I end the conversation he picks up something else to talk about. So my question is why is he acting this way when he has a new girl friend? He said he enjoys talking to me but when we was together and he was with his friends or whatever he never would text me back. I'm so confused. I miss him a lot but its not making me extremely depressed or anything I feel fine besides the missing him part. Any idea of why he's acting this way when he's got a other gf?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): He wants a girlfriend, and to have a lady on the side. He has a humungous ego; and he is willing to pay for your sexual-favors. You don't have to accept any of this. You might claim you give no sex in exchange. Sooner or later, you will, or you are. You don't have to admit to it. That's none of our business.
Do you think he'll keep paying; if you decide to get a new boyfriend?
The thing about men like him, is that they think they own the women they are with. If you somehow decide to cut him off, he will throw it back in your face that he pays your bills; and will make you feel guilty for being so ungrateful. No, it is not for the love of you and your daughter. It is for something in exchange. He is making his investment toward the future, and hopes to cash-in later.
I just find it hard to believe he supports a child that isn't his. Maybe just for now, with the intent to stop when he feels he has helped you enough.
With another woman in the picture? It won't be long before she deems you a gold-digger, or a user. She will convince him to stop anyway.
Technically, you are selling yourself; and your freedom. Until the day of reckoning comes; when he angrily tells you how he has taken care of you and your daughter. It all seems cool and generous now. It is manipulation in it's purest form.
He is willing to pay for the privilege to have sex with you and other women. What happens if he decides to marry this other woman? If she decides she wants him to cut all ties with you? How will that affect you emotionally and financially? He is most likely spending his money on her too. Sooner or later, the cash-flow will stop. Don't become dependent on it. Until it stops, he owns you.
Stop taking his money, and move on. If you would feel better paying him back for his help. Do that. If he gave it generously from the heart, he will not expect anything but love and gratitude in return. Not sex. He will not mind if you moved on; and you can remain friends without benefits.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): "Any idea of why he's acting this way when he's got a other gf?"Maybe he thinks that by helping you out financially he can foster a sense of obligation towards him that he can in turn cultivate into you serving as his piece on the side and/or fallback Plan B.I respectfully suggest that you are setting a bad example for your daughter by keeping an ex-boyfriend who is not her father in her life. Your daughter has had enough turmoil in her short life, she doesn't need to grow up witnessing a parade of strange men traipsing in and out of Mommy's bedroom. Her well-being and best interests should be your priority, not your love life. If baby daddy is not active and involved in his daughter's life then he should at least be providing financial support to the fullest extent of his ability to pay and it is your obligation as a mother to protect your daughter's legal rights by obtaining an order of child support if one is not in place.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 June 2014):
 ... Because he thinks that two Gf's ( or actually, a Gf and a little something on the side ) are bettr than just one. More variety, more excitement. You stay officially with the one you get along better, or for whatever reason of yours you think is more suitable to be the resident Gf, and keep a romantic / sexual involvement with the other one, so you've got all your bases covered.
Why limiting yourself to one thing, when you can have ( or think you can have ) two ?...
You have a part of responabiity in this situation. you two broke up. He is an EX. He has another Gf. Shouldn't you be moving on too ?...
Then, why do you have day-long text conversations with him ?? he is an Ex, you can be civil, polite , / reasonably ) friendly with him if you wish. but there's no need and no point to be emotionally ( or sexually ) intimate or chummy with him. he's you ex , in a new realtionship, not your best buddy from kindergarten ! tell him go bother somebody else. And , as tempting as it is, do NOT accept his money- that part really amazed me, he is not even your child's father, he is just a guy whom you have been dating, why in the world would you let him pay your rent ? Absolutely no qualms about it, don't you feel that's rather inappropriate, that creates bonds and obligations between you and him which should not exist ?...No ? well, that's your decision of course, but , trust me, if you think that this is just out of the goodness of his heart ,and his love for your kid, and that his gifts have no strings attached, more probably than not you are going to be sorely disappointed.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (12 June 2014):
Yes i can understand why you sound confused. On the other hand i feel that your boyfriend has his bread buttered on both sides-he has now 2 girlfiends. Yes he is acting like this at the moment as he is getting away with it.You will have to decide if you want him back if you do Then he will have to make a choice- YOU OR THE OTHER GIRL.Maybe you might consider moving on and meeting and other guys. Best Luck NORA B.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (12 June 2014):
Yes i can understand why you sound confused. On the other hand i feel that your boyfriend has his bread buttered on both sides-he has now 2 girlfiends. Yes he is acting like this at the moment as he is getting away with it.You will have to decide if you want him back if you do Then he will have to make a choice- YOU OR THE OTHER GIRL.Maybe you might consider moving on and meeting and other guys. Best Luck NORA B.
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