A
male
age
26-29,
*erry17
writes:I fell in love with her, but she won't talk to me now.I have trust issues, insecurities, and low-self esteem. But all of it suddenly disappeared when I met this girl. This girl (Let's call her Jessica) and I are in high school where I'm a junior and she's a freshman. We have had a complicated situation for almost 9 months. She was giving mixed signals to me while she had a boyfriend. Her friends, my friends, and even one of her sisters claimed that Jessica liked me. He say/she say stuff had us arguing early on in our friendship, but it stopped.We used to kik each other almost every day and talk about things in our lives. We even had deep conversations. Only thing is, we only had a few conversations in the hallways. But still, we were still messaging on kik. Everytime she felt bad, I was there for her. She even confided in me that she didn't think that she was still with her boyfriend. But, she was also there for me alot. I told her about my insecurities, low self-esteem, and trust issues. It was a long conversation and she told me to let it all go. I planned on buying her a Christmas gift which I hinted to her. But on Christmas break, she went ghost on me. We didn't talk for a good week. Then I found out she apparently spent time with her boyfriend.So, after being jealous, insecure, and not feeling like I was important to her, I told her that I feel like she will eventually forget about me like alot of other girls that I liked did in my past. She told me that it wouldn't happen. But I didn't believe it. I ended up telling her that most of my friends don't want me involved with her, just to spark jealousy from her. She was very upset about it and stopped talking to me. I sent several messages to her, but I ended up sending her a screenshot of our messages, which I really meant to send to another friend who wanted to know why Jessica got mad at me. The next month, on my birthday, she stared at me alot during the day. The whole day, she acted like she wanted to say something to me, but she chose not to. I kiked her and we had a short talk where she put "..." to almost everything I said. She didn't tell me happy birthday. I apologized about what I said over Christmas break and that I regret it. I asked her what do I have to do to get her to forgive me. She told me nothing and to just move on. Then I told her okay and to have a nice life. I didn't apologize about the screenshots because I had completely forgotten about it.A week later, I kiked her again, only to try to get some clarity on everything. I told her that I've moved on, but I want to know what she thinks about everything now. But she told me that she doesn't care anymore and to have a nice life.This is crazy, but I ended up kiking her again because she hinted that she wanted to die so I asked her if she was okay. She told me that she was okay, but I didn't believe it because she's done the same thing in the past. We had a short conversation, but it quickly ended.After a few months of her still looking at me and me not completely moving on, I just told her that I wanted to be friends again. She agreed to be friends again. But it wasn't like it used to be. We still hardly talked. Eventually, I told her everything about how I was jealous and I didn't feel important to her and why I said what I said on Christmas break. She told me that she didn't care anymore. I wanted to know what she exactly didn't care about. And she said she didn't care anymore and doesn't like me like that.I remembered about the screenshots almost the last month of school. And that's when I realized maybe she doesn't trust me anymore. On her birthday, it seemed like everyone was wishing her a happy birthday. She got a hug from some guy, but she was looking at me when she got the hug. She didn't even hug him back. But maybe I'm looking too much into it. Later, I kiked her and told her happy birthday. She said thank you and We had a short convo, but it stopped. I want to apologize about the screenshots, but I know she won't even say nothing back. I have tried to talk to her, but she just ignores my messages now. I believe she's single now. But still, I have fallen in love with her. I've sort of given up. She tells one of our many mutual friends that she doesn't like me. She always frowns and tries to change the subject when I am brought up in their conversations. And there's always a weird tension between us when we are with any mutual friends. I also have a feeling that people were putting bugs in her ear about me because some of her friends don't seem to like me.Now it's summer break and I am again trying to move on, but it's extremely hard. I didn't expect to even fall for her. And I'm just confused by her actions. What's going on with her? What should I do?
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christmas, fell in love, insecure, jealous, move on, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jerry17 +, writes (11 June 2014):
Jerry17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for answering me. You all have given me great insight into the situation. Honestly, y'all have said things(stalker, clingy)that some of my friends have said to me before. But I didn't mean to come off like that. People were telling me all these things that differed from what Jessica was telling me. And then she was doing things that differed than what she was telling me. Like her staring at me. I never really stared at her, but most of my friends noticed that she stared at me whenever she saw me. So I was just confused. So me already having issues myself, I didn't know how to handle everything properly. So that screenshot thing was only because I didn't know what to do and I needed someone to help me understand why she got so mad about me saying that most of my friends don't want me involved with her. But I shouldn't have done that. I should've just let her cool down a few days and then handle things maturely And I never tried to take her away from her boyfriend. I was just there as a friend, even though I still had feelings for her. I admit I made many mistakes in that friendship. I let he say/she say stuff get to me. I should've just listened to her and trusted her. And even though I've apologized for almost everything, I understand that I messed up bad. She was tired of it all. She will never trust me again and I have to accept that. I won't bother her anymore. She's done with me so I'm done with her. Y'all have made me realize that many girls "forget" me because of me talking about my insecurities alot and being clingy. I realized that I still didn't move on from a previous situation and I carried it on with me everywhere. I try to reassure my friendships and where I stand with people. I've told my friends about me realizing everything and moving on. They have even told me that I have been acting clingy, but just never said anything. And now I can honestly say that I am moving on from my past. I can get on with my life. And I'm already feeling like a weight is being lifted from me. I feel like I'm becoming a better person.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2014):
 Oh my lord. Why on earth would you send other people screen shots of your conversations with her?? Are you insane?? Those are private conversations, and you completely violated her by doing that. Those words were meant for you alone, and you broke trust big time. This is the part where you let her go and stop talking to her, because that....what you did...is really creepy. You don't even do that to platonic friends, much less love interests.
Also, if you have a litany of self-esteem and trust issues, why are you pursuing a girl who already has a boyfriend??? You want a faithful girl, yet you're trying to pull her away to talk to you behind her boyfriend's back??
When you act insecure, needing constant reassurance, talking about insecurities a lot, you are sucking the life out of her and of your relationship. A relationship isn't meant to hold up under such high maintenance. That's being needy, clingy, hypersensitive, and it chokes out all feelings.
You need to not be with anyone until you deal with these issues you have, hopefully with a school counselor or someone professional. Ever wonder why multiple girls "forget" you? Because of this self-destructive stuff you're doing. You need to work on you.
As for this girl, let her go. You screwed up, and it *is* irreparable. You can't take back betraying her like that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 OP, it always feels bad to have to take the gloves out when answering a young teen in love, but you do need to get a grip , so...
what should you do ?...
Leave her the hell alone ! Move on !
What are you confused about ?, what is she supposed to do to let you know that she is not into you, get a retsraining order ?
.. She had a bf all along, so she may have flirted, may have sent mixed signals, ... and that was not sensitive of her,... anyway it all boils down that you never dated or were together or talked about being together, so you had no right to be jealous and possessive about her, and if you were it would have been much smarter to keep it for yourself.
Anyway, whatever she might have felt and thought in the past , - she has changed her mind. She told you THREE times she does not care anymore. Does not care about what ?... Obvious : about apologies, clarifications, closure,and whatnot. She is not interested in knowing what you feel about your past and present relationship , and does not want to be emotionally involved with you. She is also backing up what she said by her actions ( changing subject when your name comes up, ignoring you, ... ) so you can assume she is not being coquettish, she is just done with you- so you be DONE with her.
I am sorry, OP, I imagine it hurts right now, but... no tragedies please. You are only 16 or 17 , you have tons of time and tons of potential other girls in your future to meet and date,- and tons of ways and chances to get over your insecurities, if you work at it. You do not need to get so obsessively attached to a girl just because she gives you occasionally the time of the day. Love does not have to be so hard, you know ?, so complicated, so difficult. When it IS love, it's sort of easy, you " get " her, she " gets " you, that's all. The persons who reject you in a way sort of do you a favour, if they reject you does not mean you are a s..t, it means THEY are not equipped to be appreaciative and receptive of your unique personality, traits and charms,- they came without the " microchip " installed to recognize your signals . But someone else will be, because everybody is different. So do not get pigheaded about those who are cold / indifferent to you , just because maybe one day they gave you half a glance or half a happy birthday. If you don't get stuck, any time in future another woman can give you much more without making you sweat it even 10% percent of this.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 June 2014):
What do you do now? Forget about her. She doesn't want to be your friend or your boyfriend. She doesn't care about apologies, clarifications, or anything of the sort.
I'm being blunt with you because you need it. Don't feel too bad, you don't really love her, someday you'll see that. Rejection can have that effect on people.
Her friends don't like you and why do you think that is? Where do they get their information about you from? Don't blame them. You need to learn when enough is enough. I'd suggest counseling if you want to be able to live a more balanced life without things like this happening all the time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): She was probably looking at you while the guy was hugging her because you were staring at her! Get a grip ! Seriously you are starting to sound like an obsessed stalker, literally, looik you effed up, but she is over it. Stop bringing it up, she doesn't like you and you're making her dislike you more by obsessing over something she no longer cares about. I'd stop speaking to her to save any further embarassment for you.
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