A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My long distance girlfriend make me feel anxious, insecure. Yesterday was our second anniversary. I sent her flowers and she texted me until almost 10 pm. I know she forgot it and pretended it wasnt.I know her family and friends and they are kind to me. When i asked her if she still loves me like from the begining she said "i love you, but different" when i told her i wasnt necessarily the answer i was hoping, she said "i mean better" she constantly puts her friends before me when it comes to skype dates. she has a couple on male friends which she goes out with sometimes, i told her that it makes me feel very uncomfortable and she said you have nothing to worry about. Regardless of what i said she still go out with them. I know for sure one of them has a romantic interest in her. We have plans to move in together next year, even talked about getting engaged but sometimes she is very distant and i feel she doesnt care about me that much anymore. I have asked before and she always answers that is only in my mind. Any thoughts on that? Btw i have to say her personality is cold, not romantic at all. She is german. Cliche maybe?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo: methuselah, yes we do. I met her in person a year before she had to move back home and started dating before sge left.We take turns to visit each other aprox every three months and i have been intruduced to her family and friends. Every time i stay with her is usually from 2 to 4 weeks at the time, and when she visits me she always stays with me for a month or as long as her school brakes last. We do get along great in person, she is very lovely, but when we are apart she blows hot and cold. She confuses me and makes me feel sad and anxious.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): I will wish you luck, but I will also suggest that you re-read your original post. You have practically reversed everything said in that post in your subsequent comments.
I guess the only way for you to know how she feels for sure, is to actually be with her. It's hard to know the feelings of a person who doesn't openly express them; as you have described her.
I would recommend that if you do move; that you always have a financial cushion to fall back on. You may have to live on your own; if she decides not to move in at the last minute.
Your plans are months away, so she doesn't feel pressured now. Once that time comes, I hope she lives up to what she has assured you.
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A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (9 June 2014):
Hi,
Thank you for the follow ups. Have you ever met your LDR? Have you spent time with her together holding hands, laughing, walking etc?
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, our plans are firm, im actually studing german in order that i can land a job over there. it will be me the one who moves because she will be enrolled in a masters by then and school in germany is inexpensive, so i will give it a try and look for work in germany. my career is gonna be in standby for the meantime.the main reason we cant move together now is because she is still in school and I need money to relocate and living expenses for a year aprox.ill need a visa to work, so I will propose her, I really want to spend the rest of my life with that girl, so my guess is marriage is the best option.in other things, yrs. im the sentimental one in this relationship, im clingy and she is cold, sometimes I joke saying that i feel like im a the girl a she is the guy. lol.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2014):
 I am on the fence between the " she loves you " / " she loves you not " parties, and to me that depends from how solid and feasible are your plans to get reunited in 10 months : Are they just "plans " a.k.a. empty words, ot are you already working toward this goal ?... Germany and Australia are very far, and both of you would need a visa ( and, I suppose , a job ) to live in the other's country. Is this going to happen ? With no big regrets, or untolerable sacrifices for anybody ? Is that a settled matter, you just need to wait 10 more months because of money / practical considerations ? ...
Then fine, she loves you. That 's just the way she is, you said she is a bit standoffish by nature, not very romantic... and on the other hand , pardon me, but you sound like a bit clingy and in need of constant reassurance ( what does it mean " she always responds promptly " ?, why, if she waited 24 hours or so,... that to you would mean she does not love you ?? ). She is just doing things in her independent, not very emotional way, but at the end of the day she is going to be with you, and that 's all it counts.
If, instead, the 10 months mark only means that after 10 months ( and 2 years of r/ship ) you'll start " talking " if and how and when you could perhaps possibly come together... eh good luck then. Talk is cheap, and it is reasonable to suspect that she is one of the many girls who , alas, love to be in an LDR bcause it gives them the perks of being in a r/ship ( being shown love and affection, receiving messages and gifts, not to be single when your all your friends are coupled, etc.etc. ) without any of the hussles and inconveniences of being in one, and with the big bonus of maintaining a total independence and being able to see / go out with whomever they want.
So... tell your Gf to put her money where her mouth is : when are you coming over definitely, Gf ? Have you got a date in mind ?..
On a side note, ... stereoypes are just stereotypes , and to show you that ,I'll tell you that, as far as I know,here Germans have the opposite reputation : that of being too sentimental, romantic, effusive - SCHMALZY , in a world ( which not by coincidence comes from a German word meaning something like " grease " ). Well, yeah, I guess that did not apply to Germans at the time of WW2 of course- but people are very different in time of war. Go ask to the people in wartime Greece or Albania if those "nice " Italian occupants were as warm hearted , easygoing and laid back as Italians are supposed to be !! )
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your time and your answers. i had a talk with her and told her about how anxious and insecure i feel right now about us. She was very sweet and assured me nothing wrong is going on. The plan of moving in together in 10 months still standing and she said she loves me very much. She said she can react like being distant because of the distance. I guess everyone is diferent, i have given her the cold shoulder sometime over the last year. Overall she has been caring and sweet. I didnt mention but she always replies my texts and answer my calls with no delay. I can see she loves me and i dont see any reason why she is still with me if she wouldn't want to. Please aunts and uncles wish me luck with this wonderful girl.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (8 June 2014):
 I don't agree that she has lost interest - she might just be secure enough in the knowledge that you will be together that she doesn't feel the need to constantly be there
I was in a LDR from 2006 until 2009 when we finally moved in together and it was different, you get used to the time and distance but if you are both secure it will work out - and you really do have to have faith in it because you can talk yourself int o the relationship being many things it is not if you do not have that constant reassurance that you might have in person.
You could have the chat to see if she wants the relationship to continue, but by continuing to ask those kinds of questions you may push her away from the pessimism of it all - a LDR needs hope, positivity and togetherness from 2 people who are on the same page.
I will say that if nothing comes in the next year as far as moving in together goes THEN perhaps it will be time to call it a day but you should still, for now, have hope and see what happens unless you really need a resolution now and decide to have that talk.
I have been with my husband for 8 years now, it can work.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 June 2014):
 At your age an LDR that has gone two years with no marriage or move is probably never going to be anything more than what it currently is.
IF you are LDR and you do not feel happy or secure there is a reason.
LDR folks want to be together and do everything they can to be together. tentative plans to move in together next year are just words.
I think you two are not a good fit and you are fighting to hold on to something that she is willing to let go.
what happens when you don't contact her for a day or two?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): If she is cold and distant, and hangs out with male friends; that means she is over the long-distance relationship.
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings and just stays in-touch strictly for your benefit; and not to look terrible. I feel she has moved-on, and she's giving you a chance to slowly tire of the relationship and just let go.
Your relationship carried on through devices has worn-off for her.
Long-distance relationships deprive people of intimacy and the enjoyment of personal interaction and affection. She may have found that somewhere else; where you have not matured in this area.
You may be too clingy and willing to hold on; where she is has just given-up; and decided a "bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Some people can't survive on Skype and nearly make-believe relationships. We need to satisfy the senses of touch and smell; as will as sight. We need warmth and eye-contact in the same room. Watching you on a screen is not enough I'm afraid.
We all need human-interaction and physical affection. As intelligent beings; we need in-person stimulation, we need to have fun together. You can't provide that' so she has to find it somewhere else.
You want to regain some happiness and security. Let go and get your freedom. Find someone close enough you don't have to worry about the distance, or how she feels. You'll know by being there with her, and sharing your time and feelings.
Your long-distance relationship has run it's course. Time to face the reality, and try to move on.
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (6 June 2014):
Hi,
There is something not right here. You see, when people are both wanting to move in together, they are all over each other. They can't wait, it's great, it's exciting, it's wonderful. It's thrilling!!
You are not getting any of this from her.
Forget the German stereotype,people are people and have all types of personality.
So, for you, I do not believe you have a fulfilling relationship. It certainly doesn't seem like fun any more.
When I was close to two years with my now wife, we couldn't wait to meet and see each other. (she had 3 young children as well.)
From what you are saying, I do not believe she is interested or at least as committed to this as before. Perhaps distance has been a factor for her? Perhaps she got tired of a LDR? I just don't think she is as committed.
Sadly, you may have to raise why she has been distant towards you. You may not like what she says, but sadly I believe you have to bite the bullet and then move forwards.
I could be wrong, but I don't see much of a future here for you. Sorry man! I'm just being honest. She just don't seem keen any more. Sorry.
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