A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the love of God - I can NOT talk dirty to save my life. Actually, I'm 32 and never talked dirty to anyone. Now, here's the weird thing. I can "sext" my boyfriend (of 4 years) some of the nastiest shit ever was but I can't say anything when we're together. So I can think of dirty ass stuff, just nothing comes out verbally. During sex, I moan and can manage to get out an "oh god yes" or "cum in my blah blah...." and that's it.I do things for him nobody else ever has, such as positions and being freaky, however, he gets off extremely good to dirty talk. One of his ex's talked dirty to him a long time ago, like 8 years ago, and he revealed in the beginning of our relationship that he got off so good with her because of it. While I do other things she, nor anyone else has, I still feel a little inadequate. He keeps wanting me to try but I can't, no matter what. I can't even "fake it". I literally freeze dead in my tracks. Sometimes I get turned off during sex when he starts talking dirty for the fact that I feel like it's going to result in my turn.I don't know how to start the "dirty talk", nor what to say when he asks me things. If he texts me something I'd answer, if he asks me during sex he gets no reply. He'll say "tell me you like my big D" and I can't say anything. I ask him what the hell do I say to that and he can tell me exactly what would work but it never comes out of my mouth. This is the ONLY thing about our sex life that I'm not satisfied with. I know he gets off really really good to it but even knowing that I can't bring myself to it. At this EXACT moment, I'm sitting here thinking about him telling me to tell him I like his D and I can NOT think of what I would say to that. I seriously can't think of a reply. I'm not thinking in terms of a conversation but nothing sexual at all seems to come out of my mouth. He told me yesterday he just wants me to be verbal, he said he doesn't care if I ask how the weather is as long as it's followed by something dirty. lol. He's okay if I don't but I know he'd get off extremely good if I can find a way to make it happen.I need some help with this. I need ALL details. What do I say before sex? Do I get repetitive? What do I say during intercourse? What do I say when he asks me things? I feel like a total idiot for not knowing what to say, even though I could sext it with no problem. If he asks me something and I reply, what next? Is it his turn again? lmao.. See? I'm lost. lol
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his ex, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shay loving u carelessly +, writes (11 June 2014):
 Take control surprise him. Whisper in his ear but make sure your by a wall and just look at the wall while whispering in his ear it will become a whole lot easier. Just try it.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (10 June 2014):
 I hope you and your partner enjoy!
mark
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMark, thanks for your reply. The part at the bottom where you claim he wants a sexy answer and not "erm yeah it's okay and i'm comfortable".. hahaha.. that sounds like something I'd say. I see what you're saying. Thanks for the help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindy - Because this isn't something I've done in the past that I refused to ever do again because it went horribly wrong and I hated it. This isn't something that's so far from my sexual style considering we both sext each other. I don't have any problem saying dirty things or thinking of them, I've just never did it face to face/during sex. That's what I need to work on. This is something new to me therefore I'm unsure of how to go about it.
I've never told him no, nor said I don't want to. I get shy, embarrassed and feel tongue tied. I want to move past that. Also, about the skydiving; if I flat out didn't want to do it then I wouldn't do it. I've said that already. I *WANT* to do this. If I told my bf that I didn't want to do it, and that it was never happening he'd leave it alone. We've discussed this already so he knows I'm okay with "trying".. the problem is getting that first time over with.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 June 2014):
Let him talk…you talk with your body. Sometimes it’s not what you say, but what you do. If he says something like “Do you like my D,” simply say “let me show you how much”, then do something you know would drive him crazy. The old saying “action speaks louder than words.” Men are visual, and watching a woman in action, or her re-action to something we do to her...damn!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): Not for younger readers
Tips for talking dirty:
Be enthusiastic or sultry with your reply. If you say something stupid as long as it sounds sexy he won't care.
I like mixing up the vocabulary. Not just saying Penis all the time but saying: D..., C...,etc. Same goes for the female part.
Compare his penis to heat, warmth, silk, hard, rock, big, huge, great, etc. Compare your parts to wet, tight, horny, etc.
You should know what you like in sex so just say outloud what you want him to do to you. Example: "Put your hard hot C... into my tight wet P..." "Harder, harder. Faster. Faster." "Yes!" Etc.
Depending on your sexual style you might add in calling him names. Like "Bad Boy" "Sex God" "Dirty Man" Or call yourself names for him like saying how you're his slave, good girl, mistress, etc.
You can sext so I know you know how to string sexual sentences together. Your problem is either you freeze up on the spot (Texting gives us alot of time to think of a reply) or you aren't confident voicing sexual thoughts. If you can't think just remember some of these basic words Mark and I have laid out. If you feel uncomfortable voicing sexual things practice alone before trying it on your partner. Or just accept that it's not your style.
Don't let it stress you out. You can get repetitive with your dirty talk that's fine. Go with the flow.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2014):
 Yes, but WHY do you want to do it, if it is something that 's so far from your sexual style and repertoire ? There's two of you in bed, so if there's something that he likes,- but you find difficult/ unappealing / a turn off , why is it you that have to try your best to get to do it, and not him that can just do without it ?... If he says he is OK with you NOT doing it, why is this even a problem, and why are you so dead set on learning a trick that obviously goes much against your grain ??... Ok, to please him, and to make him hornier, fine... but if he said that he does not mind either way , and seems to enjoy your lovemaking fully even without the dirty soundtrack.. ?...Isn't that going above and beyond the call of duty ?...
You give the example of skydiving and I find it very fitting. Suppose that you had a skydiving bf who, naturally , would like to share his passion with you. He would ask you a couple of times , probably, he would invite you to try. But if you are, not only scared shitless, but also uninterested - the type of person who gets her kicks NOT from extreme sports, but from something totally different like , say, listening to Beethoven symphonies... then WHY in the world should you strive to do something so alien from your personality and tastes ? Just in order to please a bf ?!...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha - He isn't making me feel inadequate, I am. This ex conversation was when we first met and it's never left me feeling some type of way. He never speaks of his ex's nor has any part in their lives. This is when we first met we talked about our pasts and that's where it ended. I was just stating that past experience because it was something he really enjoyed so I'd like to do that for him. I'm not doing it because his ex did it. He in no way pressures me. He asks me every now and then but he doesn't do nor say anything to make me feel bad. If I do he's going to love it, if I don't he's okay with that. This is totally My decision. We're very open and I'm totally comfortable with him. I trust him. The only problem I have is how not to feel embarrassed and start to laugh. I guess I should start in a mirror or something.He does everything he can to keep me satisfied. If I ask for something he isn't comfortable with, it isn't a big deal. It's the same for him. Talking dirty is something he really enjoys and I have no problem doing it, if I could figure out how to go about it. You're taking what I posted and making it a bigger deal than I am. Where you get the impression we aren't sexually balanced is beyond me considering I didn't post about HIM and our relationship and what he does for me. I was asking for some simple advice. You've turned it into a "relationship" issue. It isn't. He's actually very laid back and chill with whatever makes me comfortable. When I stated I get turned off by it, it isn't because I don't like it, it's because I'm unsure of how to go about it. It'd be like skydiving. I'd love to do it but I'd be a nervous wreck the first time.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2014):
 And you wrote "I do things for him nobody else ever has, such as positions and being freaky, however, he gets off extremely good to dirty talk. One of his ex's talked dirty to him a long time ago, like 8 years ago, and he revealed in the beginning of our relationship that he got off so good with her because of it. While I do other things she, nor anyone else has, I still feel a little inadequate. "
So he's got you freaked out that you are not good enough and that his ex is the be all and end all of sex goddess stuff even though you have pushed outside her envelope and hers.
You aren't inadequate.... though he is clever to make you feel that way in order to keep you doing the stuff he wants you to do even though you are turned off by it.
Sorry, nothing about this is sounding sexually balanced.
What does he do to keep you from feeling inadequate? How does he make up for turning you off by his over the top sexual demands?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2014):
And just to point out that you say this is sexually balanced. You wrote: "He keeps wanting me to try but I can't, no matter what. I can't even "fake it". I literally freeze dead in my tracks. Sometimes I get turned off during sex when he starts talking dirty for the fact that I feel like it's going to result in my turn."
You freeze, you get turned off, you can't do this no matter what.....
Not sounding all that sexually balanced to me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2014):
So just start reading your texts out loud.
Practice in front of the mirror.
Just to remind everyone that we do have young readers on here and we are not a porn site.
If you are over-thinking as you said then perhaps practice methods of keeping yourself in the moment. Write down a whole lot of dirty talk from your texts and on line and just practice practice practice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Tisha, I DO want to do this but I've never had a previous boyfriend ask me to talk dirty nor anyone who initiated it themselves. So this is new to me. I don't have experience with this except the dirty texts we send back and forth. Our relationship is very sexually balanced. If I didn't want to do this, I flat out wouldn't. I stated that he's okay if I don't but I would like to. The only problem I have is I'm over-thinking it and have no idea where to even begin.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2014):
I would stop stressing and do what comes naturally to you. If it isn't dirty talk then no worries. If he absolutely requires dirty talk then you could put on some sound track of porn and lip sync (and you just need to be close enough-ish, no need to memorize) and let him get his auditory turn on that way.
Honestly, if you are 32 and still struggling with this, just accept that this isn't in your sexual repertoire and if he's not good with that then he's not the guy for you.
You also seem to have some idea that all or most men have a sexual pattern that must be followed: "I need some help with this. I need ALL details. What do I say before sex? Do I get repetitive? What do I say during intercourse? What do I say when he asks me things? I feel like a total idiot for not knowing what to say, even though I could sext it with no problem. If he asks me something and I reply, what next? Is it his turn again? lmao.. See? I'm lost. " The answer is, say what you want to say, if it feels right. If you feel like repeating yourself, go ahead and do so, if not, don't. Say what you want during intercourse. If he asks you things, respond honestly.
If this is so difficult and you are this freaked out about it, just pretend that you are sexting and just read out-loud what you would have sexted. No big deal.
You're stressing yourself out to the point that you won't enjoy the sex at all as your busy mind will be wondering if you are saying or doing the right thing. Let me tell you, any man worth his salt would rather you be into whatever it is the two of you are doing, and not worrying about some imaginary porno sexy script you seem to think he needs to get off.
If you get turned off by dirty talk, well, let him know that when you two aren't having sex. I don't know why you feel the need to bury your sexual needs and do things you don't want to do in order to "help him get off extremely good."
You write "he gets off extremely good to dirty talk." Well then put on the porno sound track and let him listen.
Honestly, as I re-read your question, this isn't a sexually balanced relationship. This is all about what he wants and you doing things that turn you off....
For heaven's sake, you are 32, you are who you are and you don't have to pretend to like something you don't just to hang on to a man who 'gets off extremely good' to some former relationship norm.
You are trying too hard.
How about getting him to understand that you get off "extremely good" to something other than dirty talk that has you so stressed out you are out asking for scripts from strangers on the internet?
Woman, you are 32. You don't need to prove anything or do anything you aren't completely 100% on board with.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 June 2014):
 There's a phenomenon that you don't seem to be aware of.
Just before, during and for a short while after intercourse, mens' brains (the ones in their heads), cease working, and all consciousness-equivalents are transferred to their lower brains....
In a nutshell, you could recite the dialogue of a Hitchcock movie, or read "War and Peace" whilest your guy is "getting it on" with you.... He won't notice if you aren't "talking dirty" to him......
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (9 June 2014):
"I'm sitting here thinking about him telling me to tell him I like his D and I can NOT think of what I would say to that"
Well he has told you what he wants you to say ;-) you say something along the lines of loving his big dick!
Just say something constantly about how good it feels, how turned on you are, how much you love his huge d*** and how wet you are, that kind of thing. He probably wants you to keep on talking - its not a conversation! He wants to listen to you and get turned on...
(please don't read below if you are of a sensitive nature)
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here is a few things to try: before intercourse:
Say something like "God yeah I want to feel your rock hard **** inside my soaking wet ****! I love feeling your huge **** deep inside me! Oh F*** Yeah I can feel it against my body!! I love your big firm ****! Slide it deep inside me! I want you to feel it warm and wet..."
Then during penetration/intercourse:
"Oh my god that feels so good! Your rock hard **** is stretching me so wide! I love your massive d***! I love feeling you inside me! I want to make your rock hard **** cum deep inside me! I want to feel it pulsating with pleasure as you explode inside my...." And so on and so forth.
"What do I say when he asks me things? I feel like a total idiot for not knowing what to say"
When he asks you if you like him doing something to you, whether you like part of his body, he is not enquiring, he wants a sexy answer! For instance if he says "Do you like feeling me inside you?" he doesn't want an answer along the lines of "erm yeah its okay and im comfortable." He wants "God yeah baby it feels soooo f***** good!" His questions are either to get a sexy answer or to try to give you an idea as to the response he wants.
Mark
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