A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. Long distance as in we're both in different countries and we've been in this relationship for at least 7 months now. We met online and just started chatting and exchanging some emails. There were even some phone calls and skype calls. And eventually, we decided to start a relationship...But recently she's had a lot on her mind. There's a chance she could lose her job because her company has been letting people go. And she's been stressed planning 2 birthday parties for herself. Her birthday just passed, and for her birthday I sent her a package. In that package, I sent her a birthday card, chocolate, a diamond-accent bangle bracelet, and a 24k Gold Dipped White Pink Lacquered Genuine Rose. I also left her a voice message because she wasnt in the mood for a phone call. Unfortunately... to me... it doesn't feel like she liked any of it. The bracelet was too big, so she gave it to her step-mom. She thanked me for the gifts...but she didn't even make any comments on them... I feel like I messed up right now, that she didnt like anything I did. I guess its because I usually get a better reception when I give someone a gift :P. I understand she is an individual and can be different from everyone else. I also understand that she had a lot on her mind and I tried my best to be there for her, but long distance has its limitations...Could I have handled this situation a bit better? Is there something I could do better for her Birthday next time?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 June 2014):
 You met online. You’ve been in a relationship for 7 months. HAVE YOU MET IN REAL LIFE?
If not, why not? Until you meet in real life and see if you even get along IRL, this is nothing but a fantasy relationship.
To NOT be in the mood to talk to your SO (especially on your birthday) is a huge red flag for me.
The fact that she GAVE your gift to her stepmom is also a huge red flag.
YOU did not mess up at all… rather she is the one that messed up.
IF you have not met in real life, I would really wonder if you have anything at all really going on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2014): Was this the gift? http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/160511692235 just to be sure; I was wondering whether you meant 24 carat or $24,000 - which I expected would be way too extreme in any relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2014):
 She sounds a tad spoiled.
First off, if the bracelet was too big you don't GIVE it away. NOT if it came from someone you profess to love. YOU tell the person who gave it to you, that it was unfortunately too big and can it be exchanged or re-sized.
The card and chocolate and even the rose would have been LOVELY for a Valentine's Day gift more then a birthday one - in my eyes. Though they are sweet they are also a little impersonal. Sort of the kind of gift you give when you have NO CLUE what they like.
However, I find it QUITE rude and honestly quite obnoxious that she wasn't in the mood to TALK to you. So you could wish her Happy Birthday.
And I wouldn't spend THAT much money on her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): She sounds selfish, but I don't think you should be sending so many gifts (especially expensive ones) so early on - it seems desperate and like you're trying to buy her - that will turn most people off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): Why waste your time energy love and money on a selfish bad mannered girlfriend?
No exuse for this one, certainly the lame excuses you have made for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): You know what.. bless you that you sent a gift... I got nothing in the 4 years I was in an LDR and I used to shower him with gifts. He was abusive taker. Hope I meet a kind and generous man like you!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 Ask her what she wants for her birthday ? :) And make sure you know her sizes if you have to give her jewelry / apparel ?...
That detracts from the surprise, but avoids so many wrong gifts ....
Kidding. I think you are overthinking this. How can have she disliked ALL of your presents, I never met anybody that hates birthday cards or chocolate. As for the other items, maybe you did not know her tastes that well yet and missed the mark a bit, but supposing she was not bowled over by the gifts, I am sure she was still very happy about the sentiment behind them. She DID thank you, if you did not get a more effusive reaction is either because maybe she is not a super effusive person in general, or, perhaps , because yes , she was not wildly enthusiastics about the presents,... in which case, what would you have preferred, that she lied to you ? that she feigned an elation which she was far from feeling, just to appease you and keep you happy ? Would not that have been a bit condescending of her... as if you were a child whose gifts mummy MUST always make a big fuss over ?
( Although, I must say that giving away your bangle was a bit rude. Of course she could not wear a too large bangle because she was going to lose it, but she could have it tightened by a jeweller, or sent it back to you so that you could exchange it- or at least she could have kept it in her jewelry box as a memento ).
Anyway I would not tear my hair about that, like you say , long distance has its limitataions, may be so far you haven't discussed in details her tastes in jewels, accessories and gifts in general. Find out more in future or, if you want to stay on the safe side... just ask her what she'd like to get .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 You can ask her what she wants, next time. But I think she sounds like a selfish brat. Didnt feel like talking to you on her birthday, and youre fine with that? Either she finds you clingy and is avoiding you/wants to break up, or shes a crappy girlfriend. Id love it if a boyfriend called on my birthday, even if I was at a party and had guests. See for yourself, but if this is how she treats you already after 7 months... Well, I think it'll just get worse from here on out.
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A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (7 June 2014):
Hi,
This doesn't sound too good. I would worry more about why she didn't want to talk to you on her birthday? LDR can be hard enough but simply to not even respond to a call is not a good sign. I don't think you have done anything wrong, I just don't sense that she is committed to the LDR enough.
I mean, I can understand you has a lot on her mind but why can't she talk to you? A 20 minute chat is nothing in the scheme of things. Thanks.
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