A
female
age
41-50,
*eyheyhey
writes:It is my boyfriend's mother's wedding and I am invited to go. If I go, I would need to stay at her house. She lives in another country. There are no hotels or even transportation around, not to mention it is one of the more expensive countries in the world, I simply could not afford to stay anywhere BUT her house!The problem is, I have OCD (in terms of liking things to be clean). His mother is clean but she has a lot of animals. There are 3 dogs, 7 cats and 2 pigs who live INSIDE the house!It could cause a lot of issues with my boyfriend being cross with me IF I do not go. He will also have to answer a lot of questions to the rest of the family why I decided not to go. (We have been together for 3 yrs) Furthermore, I WOULD actually like to go. But I just don't know if I can stomach the animals. The house always smells like "wet dog" and the animals walk all over the kitchen counter and table etc. The last time I was there I kept finding animal hair in my food!I have no idea what to do! I need to go to her wedding and there is simply no where else I could stay. But the whole animal thing and being there for about a week makes me feel just sick!Help !!!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Sorry, I mantain my opinion, this is really too much . I think you are using " OCD " as a figure of speech, I don't have any OCD yet I don't eat street food in Thailand either, - not wanting to get food poisoning or worse is not a mental illness , it's just being smart.
I'd talk frankly to the bf, and leave to him if he wants to explain away your absence with some diplomatic sudden illness. Yes, I can imagine that he won't be thrilled , mom is always mom,- then again if he is an intelligent, rational person he will understand perfectly that what he is willing to put up with as a son, can't be just imposed to everybody else.
You can bring with you your own sheets and Lysol etc., but what are you going to do about the stench ? ONE WEEK ? If it were just one night,one could just soldier through for the sake of peace in the family, but... one week ? for a person who does not even care if her guests ( and her husband ! ) have allergies ?- if she does not have to take their guest's comfort into any account, I don't see why you should take into account hurting her feelings. She can always pet her pigs to cheer herself up.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Oh I get it...along the lines of crazy cat lady. God...its difficult to deal with such people and the obsession keeps getting worse. I knew of someone like this...my dad's friends mother. The cats and dogs outnumbered everything else in the house, there were cats, dogs and more cats and dogs everywhere! It was an obsession clearly as is the case with your boyfriend's mom.
I don't know what to say, I mean if you have to go then you have to go, so you can just take your own sheets and buy your own food. Just make up some excuse, tell them you're on a special diet, doctors orders, etc. Try not to think too much about the offending factors, think of it in this way- you're going to a new country, enjoy it as much as you can. Its just 7 days, don't look at it and think "shit 7 whole days"; instead think that its only 7 days and you will have so much to do and explore.
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A
female
reader, heyheyhey +, writes (14 June 2014):
heyheyhey is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey all,
Thanks for the replies.
In response to some of the posts, I do not have a form of OCD that requires medical consultation. My OCD is mainly about eating in terms of liking where I will eat to be clean. I won't eat street food in Thailand, for instance. And that is just a personal thing. I don't need to see a shrink for that!
What bothers me mainly is the animals around the kitchen. They walk on the counter tops and tables etc. And then they all come around the table when you are eating. So you go through finding animal hairs in your food to wet dog smell all around you as you eat. And this happens EVERY time I have visited. And they are traditional so you all have to eat food together seated around the table and say grace before meals etc!
His mother has an animal obsession (clearly) so she is constantly getting new animals. Since the last time I was there, there have been 3 new additions. Believe it or not, it is not even a cultural thing. She lives in Scandinavia! It is a "HER" thing. She doesn't care too much either about anyone's opinions about her animals or if it bothers them. Her future husband and one of her kids are allergic to animals but she doesn't really care. I actually even sometimes think she loves her animals more than her own kids!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (13 June 2014):
 You don’t have to have OCD in terms of cleanliness when it comes to staying a week in a menagerie of family pets; I’d cringe at the thought of friendly Porkers and the smell of wet dogs too… It makes me think of a famous Inn and stable in Bethlehem.
Heed the advice and spray your surroundings etc. and be sure to take strolls out into the fresh air as much as possible.
It’s exasperating to think; love me love my pets all over the kitchen countertop and table applies even when you’re an invited guest and you’re expected to endure without wincing or scratch yourself for fleas.
I have the same trepidation myself when we visit my partner’s daughter… Lovely girl and all, but gee whizz!
Take Care – CAA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): I don't personally have OCD, and I'm not a germaphobe. However; I'm very picky about cleanliness; and where I eat or sleep has to be sanitary.
I have a degree in biology, and I've worked in a medical laboratory. I am pretty careful when it comes to germs, microbes, and infections. You're traveling abroad; and you should be concerned about where you sleep and eat anyway.
You may not be able to travel with cans of Lysol and other disinfectants; but you can purchase what you need if and when you get to your destination. I think you can carry sanitary wipes anywhere; including on the plane.
I like the suggestion of your own sheets. You can get plastic bed-covers as well. This will protect you from allergens and pet dander. I love animals, but they should be kept well-groomed and clean. They don't belong on counter-tops, but some people even allow them at the table. Forgetting that their pets use their tongues for washcloths and toilet paper. Sorry, if that was too graphic!
Pigs that live indoors may be cleaner than barnyard animals. If the house smells of animals; that is an indication there are too many, and their hygiene isn't the best.
Your boyfriend should be more understanding; but you are being included as family. There is an obligation for you to attend the wedding; or you'll never hear the end of it. Especially from his mother.
Follow all the suggestions given on maintaining clean
sleeping quarters. Disinfect with bleach, and/or spray and wipe counter-tops before preparing food. You may want to clean shower facilities as well. You'll look like a crazy woman cleaning everything; but try to be low-key, and as inconspicuous as possible about it. Please don't put on a performance. You must be a respectful guest in someone's home. The pets are family, so they come with the package.
I encourage you to go. Do the best you can.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Speaking as a person with OCD and HUGE aversion for germs/dirt and down right FEAR of diseases.... YOU rally have two choices:
1. not going - your BF ought to understand that it might not be ideal for you at all. I agree that you can pull off an allergy "defense" if needed.
2. Go, but bring hand sanitizers, your own sheets (yea, I would personally do that for sure). And a can or two of Lysol. Not that you are going to hose her house down but the room you are sleeping in you can go over (when no one is watching)
I'm actually OK with animals for the most part, but I DO lose my appetite when I find cat hair in my food (we have cats).
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (13 June 2014):
 (opps pressed something and it send my message incomplete!)
Wow two pigs? That's a bit extreme! I would tell your BF you are not going. Which country is it in? Here in the UK we don't usually have pigs as pets INDOORS! Imagine having those pair on your lap!
Maybe you could ask if there was anyway for the animals to be kept outside the main part of the house but I doubt if that would solve the issues. Mind you, if they have pork on the menu...might be problem solved!
Mark
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Aw, friends of ours had a lovely little Vietnamese pot-bellied pig. They got him after their beloved chinchilla died. The chinchilla did destroy all the carpets in the house though....
Anyway, if you will never be able to stay in his mother's house, won't that get to be a problem over time? Maybe it's time to take steps to manage the OCD for the short period of time that you will be in the house. Have you discussed with the doc who diagnosed you?
Bring your own sheets and towel, buy your own food and don't eat theirs, tell them you are on a special diet due to some allergies.
Yes, allergies, that's the route to take. Tell them that you have become very allergic to cat and dog dander and that you fear the allergic reaction will render you too ill to be able to participate as you'd like in the festivities. It's a medical excuse and there's no way they can criticize you for trying to avoid anaphylactic shock.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (13 June 2014):
WOW
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 June 2014):
2 pigs ? Inside the house ?? Are you serious ?
Then no. I draw the line at pigs. I had started mentally penning out my answer along the lines of " come on, be a good sport, it's an important event, for once just grin and bear ", but, indoor pigs ? Heck no. No way. Tell your boyfriend sorry, no disrespect meant but there are certain things that you just won't and can't do , one being socializing with pigs. That may be OK in his mother's country, but it's not Ok in yours and there's a limit to how multi-cultural one can be.
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