A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This guy I've been seeing seems to be making an issue about where I live. Before it didn't seem to bother him but now it seems as though it does. He lives in the city while I live right outside it. It's about 35-40min a train ride for me and then anther 20min to get to his place. He doesn't seem to realize that this is similar to how it would be from different parts of the city. Anyway we were making plans to hang out and he wanted me to come over last minute, 10pm at night and I texted him and told him that it's too last minute but we could hang out tomorrow night before you leave. He texts me back and says what's the point you live far away. If you lived closer you could just come over. Again he doesn't seem to realize that public transportation takes times in the city- and even if I lived in the city I certainly would not run last Minute late at night to see someone on a work day. The last time I tried seeing him last minute and was on my way to see him he told me to forget and that we should hang out another day. So as you can see I am apprehensive about traveling last minute to see him because he changes his mind. I told him that I really don't live that far and you shouldn't let it discourage you. I told him I could come over tomorrow night- eventually he just said nah forget it thanks anyway. I replied with fine- that's a shame maybe we can hang out another time. He replied with maybe. I really don't know what to do in this situation in that he seems to think it's pointless or a waste of time hanging out because he thinks I live so far. Is there anything I could say that could make him understand my perspective? This has come up before when we tried back in September. We like each other but he is preventing himself getting involved with me because he thinks I live far. I keep reassuring him but it doesn't seem to work and then he pouts and gets mad or annoyed at me!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2014):
 I agree with Auntie Cindy (as usual)
He isn't that keen on dating you. And what he wants is sex on a platter. When it's CONVENIENT for him.
I'd skip this guy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): Great Answer CindyCares. I agree. Forget him, he isn't that keen. If he was, nothing would stop him from seeing you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 I think there's something which escapes you, this is not really about the distance, it's about his commodity and convenience.
Of course an hour distance is something that with some adavance planning is easily manageable, as you remarl yourself, when you live IN a big city, that could be the distance from a neighborhood to another, and people do manage it all the time, with a little organization.
BUt, he does not want to plan. he does not want to organize, he does not want to COMMIT his time and reserve it for you. he wants things ( and sex ) easy, free flowing, spur of the moment.
He comes home, no plans for the night with buddies, nothing better to do ?.. Fine, let's call the girl and have her trek over. A buddy calls last minute ? Ok, no problem,let's cancel with the girl. Ditto for rescheduling. He wanted to see you THEN because that night he was in the mood for getting laid. Tomorrow, he does not know , he might be in the mood for going to the movies or going to bed early.
You can't " reassure " him, because you are not the distance DOES prevent you from being at his beck and call, short notice or no notice, which it's how apparently he wants things to be. I think you may have overrated how much he likes you- he likes you, as long as he is not supposed to do any effort at all to get you . Not even in planning a date.
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