A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am eighteen and I have been talking to a nineteen year old guy online for about a month. I am fairly intelligent, at least in common sense and decency. However, I do not much follow news or politics, etc. He, on the other hand, is studying psychology at the top UK university. We do have quite a bit in common and have interesting conversations, but he occasionally delves in to the things I'm not as clever in, so I feel unable to comment much. Now, I would never wish him to be less so, but I can't help feeling like he may expect more of me, conversationally, than I am able to keep up with. Then I feel embarrassed, as though I will seem unintelligent because I do not know as much on each subject.Is it irrational? What should I do? I don't want to stop talking to him, but it's not like I can just say "please may you dumb it down for me". It's making me a little uneasy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): Sorry; I worded it poorly. I do watch the news and read some articles in newspapers, but I'm not interested in it enough to know the ins and outs like he does. It's similar to the fact that many girls my age could tell you endless facts about Kim Kardashian, Rihanna or One Direction, but I could tell you very little in comparison as I don't read the gossip magazines often, since it doesn't interest me as much as it does them.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 Rather than dumbing him down, smart yourself up . But not for him, in his capacity of just friend or future love interest . For you ! I am not saying become an intellectual... but, at least read the daily newspapers and watch the news. 18 starts being a teensy weensy too old for pulling off the " oh I don't follow the news and I have no clue about what's going on in the world I too live in ".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): We are only going for friendship, at the moment. I think it's just genuinely what he's interested in, and I find his views fascinating - I just can't really level with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): Don't let a guy dominate the conversation with politics and stuff to impress you how smart he is. It will get boring, and you shouldn't feel intimidated by it.
If you are an intelligent attractive young lady, and he has your attention; sometimes guys will over-compensate by showing-off how smart they are. Trying to make you think he's doing you some favor by giving you his time; when he could probably be with someone as smart as he is. That's an indication that he's got a big head.
Seriously?!! I see through this kind of crap. He's fresh out of high school, and he's no Einstein.
When some guys aren't that good-looking, average, or insecure; they feel the need to show the ladies they're still worth your time. The other end of the spectrum is; they're too impressed with themselves. They don't know when to tone it down.
In his case, I think he's a little too impressed with himself. He's going overboard. He's nervous and feels he has to keep the conversation heavy and intellectual. That his way of seeming more mature.
There is the possibility that he doesn't really know how to be romantic. So he's babbling on like a nerd. That intimidates you into thinking you have to do something to prove yourself worthy of his time. Not really. Just be yourself.
If he's too heavy, don't trouble yourself to prove how smart you are. Change the subject, and talk about things you're interested in. It's a two-way conversation.
You get enough intellectual challenges from your professors. Let him know that sometimes he really takes the conversation over with talking about politics; and you're not really that political. If he condescends to you from that point; he's the wrong type of guy for you.
It is a good idea to keep-up with what's going on around you. Read about current events and watch the news. Read books for enlightenment and entertainment.
Not for the sake of keeping up with him, but for your own benefit. It gives you confidence to know what you're talking about; and to understand what other intelligent people are talking about. Don't pretend. It would be making a fool of yourself; and make you a target for arrogant or narcissistic types.
When you are looking for romance and just want to chill, you want a guy to be lay-back and sexy. Smart is sexy! I personally have a thing for nerds. There has to be a sense of humor, and he shouldn't take himself too seriously.
That's proof he is not only smart; but he has a personality. He uses it as part of his charm, and he wants you to like him for it. He should be willing to listen, not just be heard.
If all he has to talk about is politics, he should find a political website to share his political views. Not bend your ear about things he only learned recently himself. It's nice to discuss current events; not overwhelm people by going on and on and overworking the same subject-matter. He should be willing to cover a wide-range of topics. Talk is more interesting when you have charm, and an interesting personality to balance things out.
You should take interest in current events and politics; because they effect your life and the world around you.
It shouldn't be all you and the guy you like talk about.
Don't be ashamed to tell a guy what you like to talk about.
Some guys manipulate females by trying to make them feel they're stupid. If he's talking over your head; tell him maybe you would like him more, if he was a little more down to earth. Just being nice and funny is enough to impress you. Tell him he's really smart and you like that; but you want him to feel comfortable enough to talk about himself, so you can get to know him better.
That doesn't make you look dumb. If he wants you to like him; he should dial it down a few notches, and not be so intense. Serious topics tend to become dull when they are over-discussed. Nineteen year-old guys shouldn't be too intense to be fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): There's really no common topics; it's all over the place - whatever comes up. I'm not really sure what to say, so I give my basic opinion based on what he says and the little I have read about it around that time.
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