A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hey i am 18. I live in India. I have been in relationship with my girlfriend for 2 months now. We met in college and then we started chatting a lot and then we fell in love. There is a lot of common things between us so that makes a happy relationship. The problem is 1 month back my girlfriend told me that I should keep my best friends personality. I should be like him and i should talk like him. She was really impressed by my friend's personality so after she told me this i got pissed and we fought and I didn't talk to her for few weeks and later we patched up and she said sorry many times. Now some days back again she told me the same thing and again i got pissed and then she promised she will never tell this again. But now i feel if she truly loves then why she would tell me to change my personality and change my behavior. Do you think she is right or wrong? Do you think if she truly loves me so she would say this to me? What should i do then? I am really sad now? I am really sad now. PLS help me p.s my girlfriend is fat and she is ok in looks but i don't care about looks i just care for the inner beauty. I fell for her heart and not for her looks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut the problem is that I feel they are chatting a lot at late night when I am sleeping because both of them sleep late that why I am freaking out what will happen what do you guys think
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 Yeah, let it go for this time, and see what happens. If she understood that by comparing you with your friend, she was indelicate and she hurt your feelings, she won't make the same mistake again. If she does ... she may actually like this guy a bit too much than a girl with a boyfriend should. But I don't think it's the case, I think that you are just a bit jealous and insecure ( and / or maybe deep down you envy a bit wour friend for his easy success with women ? )
Too bad that you actually had to fight about this. It would have been more sensible to sit her down and tell her : look, I can't change what I am, if I am an introvert I can't became an extrovert out of the blue .I don't want to imitate anybody, I am fine with who I am, and if you are my Gf I assume you would be too. But, if there is something specific that you'd like me to do different in our relationship, and regardless of comparisons, why don't you tell me ? what is it, you want me to give you more compliments, to kiss you more or more passionately ( .. examples ) ?
Because , you know, she has not the right to try and change you, but she has the right to ask that her emotional needs are fulfilled in this relationship. So why don't you help her, why don't you ask if she feels anything is missing... ?
Maybe she only wanted you to be more romantic , to compliment her more, to be more physically affectionate... stuff like that. I exclude that she wanted you to become a womanizer and a women's user just like your " pervy " friend !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): She now realizes how she hurt your feelings by saying that she wanted you to be like him.
Maybe she has wisely decided he's not the type of guy she thought he was. If she says she likes you as you are,
then relax; and give her a chance to prove what she says is true. That's all you can do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut now always she says that she did a mistake telling me to be like him and now she loves me the way I am nowadays I have fought a lot with her on this matter and now i still feel she wants me to be like him what you all think she has really accepted me the way I am or still she thinks that I should be like him
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): Maybe your girlfriend wants to have sex. Apparently you are a virgin and you aren't ready for that. You don't know how many girls your friend has been with. He may only be bragging. If he has had sex with many girls, it is because they wanted to.
I think calling him a pervert is too much. Promiscuous is a better word for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut she knows that my friend is a pervert because he has slept with many girls she knows he dates girls with the purpose to have sex with them and then leave them but still she chatted for an hour and it was around a month back when she told me that I should be like him and now she is like she was mad and she loves me the way I am but still I have a feeling that she wants me to be like him
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): I think calling your friend a "pervert" is very extreme.
Why would you be friends with someone you consider a pervert?
Are you insulting him because you are jealous that your girlfriend likes him; or because he flirts with girls?
What makes him a pervert in your opinion?
You say things and they are not clear. Maybe that is the problem your girlfriend has with you. Understanding exactly the point you're trying to make. You say some pretty strong insulting things. Calling your girlfriend "fat," and your so-called friend a "pervert."
Maybe you should find a new girlfriend. You, she, and your friend; don't seem to be getting along. If she is spending so much time talking to him, that means she prefers him over you.
Perhaps you're only sticking around; because you don't want to give her up to your friend. I believe that sums up this whole situation.
If she likes him more; maybe you should back-out. She is trying not to hurt your feelings, and letting you know why she likes him better. You seem to be missing her point completely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe meant I should be spontaneous like him I should learn from him how to make girls laugh I should learn from him how to react at the moment she wants me that I should talk like how he talks that's what she wants me to do
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 June 2014):
I don't think that your Gf means that she wants you to become a pervert too ! ( a pervert ? meaning what ? why do you call him a pervert, btw ? ). I suppose that she referred to other things in you, that you might change if you wanted : for instance, that of keeping tabs on her and counting how much time she is spending on the phone with whom...
You don't have to change your personality, and if someone wants you to change personality , they don't love you / are not compatible with you, and the relationship struggles going further.
But there are bad habits, or annoying quirks, that can and should be changed, because they do not really belong to our inner nature, they are just habits and ways of doing things, that we could discard and do in another way , still remaining ourselves.
So, in lack of more details, I'd say it all depends what she wants to change: the way you are, or some specific bad behavior of yours...
Uderstand the difference, then act accordingly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut the problem is she knows he is a pervert but still she tells me to observer him and be like him and once she was chatting with him at late night for an hour though she was sleepy but still she chatted for an hour
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2014): I don't know your girlfriend's side of the story, and I don't know what it is about your friend that she finds more appealing.
Perhaps she has a crush on your friend over you; and you should let her go. It doesn't make sense that she is comparing you to your friend; unless you have ways and habits she does not really approve of.
If this is the case, she doesn't like you for who you are. She wants you to change. Maybe you should ask her clearly explain what it is about your friend that she finds better than how you behave. Maybe you are misinterpreting what she truly means through your anger and jealousy.
If she is telling you that she wants you to "imitate" your friend in order to like you. Have the common-sense to breakup with her.
If being more like your friend would make you a better person; perhaps you should listen and take the constructive criticism. Perhaps you are rude, or do not realize your faults.
If the behavior she likes is "good;: maybe she means she wants you to improve yourself, not to imitate how your friend acts and talks.
If she is trying to make you imitate your friend, it's your fault if you insist on keeping her as your girlfriend; when she doesn't like you for who you are.
I think this is all a misunderstanding, and you are insulted. You haven't asked her exactly what she means by it. Instead, you just got angry and offended; without all the facts and details behind what she means.
Let me address that rude comment about her "being fat."
That might just be your problem. You say things without thinking, and don't realize just how rude they are.
You're not doing her any favor by liking her; even if she is over-weight.
That is an awful thing to say aloud, and it is just as bad to think. Maybe she wants you to be more mature, and speak more maturely; if such thoughts about her have been said to her face.
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