A
female
age
36-40,
*elbelle2430
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Right after we got together he told me that his ex fling told him he had a son. They had a horrible relationship and before ending she told him she had already been with other people. Needless to say, he had a paternity teat done. It's his.Since then he has tried to be a father and be part of his sons life. She has admitted to him that she got pregnant on purpose, lying about being on birth control. Since their son has been born, she refuses to let him be part of his life. She allows him to come over rarely, and when she does, she stands over him. Although the courts have astobolised custody, she doesn't answer his calls or texts. The only thing she tells him is how much money he owes her.My boyfriend has a good, stable career. With that being said, he was told he would have to pay $1000 a month, as well as his and her lawyer fees, which amounts to over $1500 a month. Therefore, he is left with $150 per month after rent and other bills to hisself. He has tried to talk with her, be reasonable, come to a decent agreement. But she still refuses to allow him a relationship with his son. He travels a lot for work, and that is how he can make the money he does. But in order to bring home that check, he has to stay on the road.Therefore, he is only home one weekend a month, and when he is, she just won't respond when he asks for an opportunity to see his son. He said he can't live like this and develope a relationship in order to be a father figure. Her response is to figure it out, but make sure she gets her check.Last week she said he should sign over his rights and then he would be relieved of paying child support. We have had long conversations about the next step. I do not want his son to be raised without a father, but what else can we do? She is vindictive and only wants his money. He has talked about putting money aside every week for his sons college fund, and reaching out again when he's older. I'm scared that his son may never forgive him. It's a horrible situation in which there is no right answer. Of he stays in this situation, he has to stay on the road so often, he never gets the chance to see his child. Let alone, we will never be financially able to start out our own lives. I'm already covering our bills at home just so he can pay her. She has lied to the courts, dropped her work hours in half, said she's paying her mom for child care, many things just to get more money. He wants to sign over rights because it's a lost cause.Talking to friends and family, including my mother, they have all said the same thing. If he does, it's not because he is walking away, it's because he is being forced away. Does he have another option? Is it wrong if he does sign away his rights? They have such a violtile relationship and this is what she says she wants....please help....what should we do??
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 It sounds that custody has been established through the court, so apparently the court deemed that 1000$ monthly is an adequate payment. In other words, 1000 $ could represent 40 % ( or other legally established percentage of his income ). If he has lost his case in court, typically he will have to pay his legal costs and the counterpart's legal costs ( which the court won't and can't take into account when establishing the amount of child support ). On the other hand, that's temporary, I think the 500 you mention for legal fees are monthly installments for a total of few thousands, and not a monthly sum which will be owed till the chil'd coming of age at 18.
Termination of parental rights ' procedure varies by location, but, everywhere it's not authomatic , you have to petition for it, then a judge will decide if granting it, and you can be absolutely sure that no judge in his right mind will ever grant it just to let a parent get away with paying an expensive child support, or because the parents have irreconciliable differences. It is only granted in the child's best interest , in very serious cases, and for very good reasons. Like, for instance, if there's an absentee parent and someone else ( generally the other parent's new partner ) who offers to adopt legally the neglected child.
Termination of parental rights DOES... uh, terminate both privileges and responsibilities deriving from being a parent, including all the financial ones. So no, a terminated parent does not have to spend one more penny for the kid- but also does not have the right to see him and spend time with him or her , if not by kind concession by the custodial parent , regardless of what visitation rights had been acquired before.
So, if I were your husband I would not think to go down that route , - first he'd spend more money and effort into something that very,very difficultly is going to be granted in the current circumstances ( money is tight, but your bf is not on skid row, has a steady job, can keep a roof over his head , feed himself and pay his living expenses. I doubt a judge would grant his petition on the strength that , once he has paid what he owes, he's left with little spending money for himself ) . Second, ...IF it was granted, he'd be giving away obligations and also RIGHTS over this child, that is a huge,final decision whom he might powerfully regret later on, if his circumstances should improve- as they will as soon he has finished paying his lawyer , for instance.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2014):
 I suggest that you DO stay out of it, but support and listen to him.
As for her wanting $1500 a month out of a $1600 pay check it's not at all reasonably and honestly I'm not sure I believe it. Because.. legally she can't ask for more then a 40% of his paycheck. SO what he NEEDS to do is find a lawyer.
There might be a pro bono one through Father's Right's groups - I'd tell him to look for that.
I think the ex is filling him with crap, and because your BF doesn't know any better he is listening to her.
Again... FIND a lawyer. If he can't find a pro bono, find one that will do a payment plan.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 June 2014):
 He needs a better lawyer. He should certainly get some much better representation before he goes back to court. Her inviting him back to court is probably a big mistake on her part. The ex can not get him out of her son's life just by giving up the money. Just as he can not be free of his financial obligation just by giving up visitation. It's just not that way in America.
FA
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 June 2014):
 You ask: "what should we do??"
YOU shouldn't do a darn thing. This is HIS issue. He's a big boy.... let him handle it.... (All you can "do" is muddy the waters.)
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 Hi, make sure that when he signs his rights away that includes no financial responsibility. I have not heard of this option. It sounds like she is trying to prove that he is not interested in being a father and remove him completely and the caviar is that he will still be responsible for the financial support of his kid. He should go to court and show that he cannot live on the balance that he is left with and you and your cash should not form the basis of his financial security. I would also gain evidence of this woman's income and spend to prove that she is lying.
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