A
female
age
30-35,
*enus Blue
writes:dear cupid am dating a man I met and dated two years back we broke up that time and I got married to another man, now my marriage did not workout so am single now and this man I knew before has asked that we be together again, I have fallen inlove with him now, he says he loves me but I don't believe it cuz there's another woman in his life who have a son for him, he says he is not happy in the relationship with her and they also live together, am just confused about the whole thing I don't want to lose him and he also says he doesn't want to lose me according to him the other woman doesn't allow him to have sex with her saying she doesn't have feelings for sex anytime he wants to have sex with her he has to convince her before she finally gives in and even before she got pregnant he forced her to have his way, I told him days back that I want to travel and he says am leaven because of other woman and if I leave him it will worsen the case and the one who will pay for it is the other woman cuz am leaving him because of her, secondly I don't know how to start a nice conversation with him when we are talking on phone cuz he is the quite and shy type please I really need your I don't want to lose this man and I also don't want course him or the other woman pain. thank you
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2014):
 OP, did you even consider the possibility that he's telling you a lot of BS ?
" My wife does not want to have sex with me " is a variation of " My wife does not understand me ", in the typical vocabulary of the typical cheating lieing bullshitting husband.
They invent sexual problems... to get sex from the bit-on-the-side girl. Who probably would not be very flattered if the cheating man would say the truth : " I have a great , regular sex life at home ,it's just that I like variety and I like to try naive young girls as disposable sex objects ".
Many of these guys even say " oh I am not having sex with my wife ar all, we live just like roommates " only to be belied... by the wife 's new pregnancy.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (22 October 2014):
Ugh. A good guy who rapes women. I hope you snap out of it.
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A
female
reader, Venus Blue +, writes (22 October 2014):
Venus Blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot for the advice, I know its bad for him to force her and have his way,I don't know what to do for myself cuz here in a case where am deeply inlove with him and he is not a bad guy the woman in question is now aware that there's another woman in this guy's life and she seems not to care, he has come to me twice to spend the night and she never called to find out where he is, A woman can not just say she doesn't have feelings to have sex with a man she has been dating for years throughout the whole and she even wants to go to the hospital so they can give her drugs in order for feel for sex, he said if I leave he will become depressed again, I knew this problem in his relationship with even when I was married cuz he use to tell me about it and I told him to relax and that she will change, he is a good guy and I love him so much I really don't want to loose him
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (21 October 2014):
Ouch! You're in love with a rapist. Yes, that's right, doesn't matter if they are together or not, forced sex equals rape. I had a boyfriend like that. He would hold me down and keep doing it while I was crying and begging him to stop. This guy is not a nice guy. He is a bad guy. Forget about him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 October 2014):
 You can't lose what you don't have and if he lives with another woman SHE has him not you.
HE FORCES her to have sex.....
what do you think will happen if you manage to get him to leave her and be with you?
a. when he wants something he will have it. that means if he wants sex and you don't he would force you... that's rape as Janniepeg said.
b. when he is not with you will you TRUST him to not CHEAT on you like he is CHEATING on his baby's mother. SHE is his partner. He rapes her. He lies to her. He cheats on her.
c. he tries to GUILT YOU into staying... how will it be bad on HER if YOU leave him? Is he saying he will abuse her if you leave him? THAT is blackmail and what he chooses to do in relation to your life and your choices is NOT your problem.
BTW SHE is not the other woman. YOU ARE.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 October 2014):
 It should be a red flag to you when you heard he had forced her to have his way. This is equal to rape. When a man is forceful no wonder why the woman loses the feeling. When you say if you leave him it will worsen the case that just didn't make sense at all. I can only see trouble ahead if you decide to be with him because he is controlling and has no empathy. Is there a shortage of man there or does a divorced woman carry so much stigma that she can't find any other suitable man? If you have to seek love in low places and become immoral is it really worth it?
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