A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I decided to ask this question because I'm just curious about it. Earlier this year, I was in a relationship (4 months, not very long) with someone I met on a dating site. I'm 19 and he was 22.He was very strange and there were many red flags, and I ignored some of them because I was lonely and wanted a good relationship, so I ignored all the negative things about him to sort of "trick" myself into thinking I was in the kind of relationship I've always wanted. For instance, he would feel jealous and get annoyed if a guy looked at me and would accuse me of looking at other guys even though I never really do that. If we had a male waiter or a male cashier, he would get mad and say that the waiter/cashier was flirting with me or likes me, even though that was never actually the case. If I didn't reply to a text for a few hours (I never ignored him on purpose but sometimes I was busy or driving, so I couldn't reply right away), he would get upset and worried. I'm a virgin, and I didn't feel ready to have sex with him (partially because I was afraid it would hurt, and partially because I wasn't sure if losing my virginity to him would be a good idea), but he tried to pressure me into it countless times and tried very hard to convince me to have sex. He was WAY more experienced than me when it comes to sex; he even told me he's made videos of him having sex with his ex and has done a lot of "kinky" things. Then, I found out he sells drugs and shoplifts from many stores, (I didn't know about that in the beginning of our relationship) but I ignored that. Then, he stopped contacting me altogether and didn't answer my calls or texts for a week. I was getting ready to move on. Then one night, very late at night, my boyfriend knocked on my door. He told me that he couldn't contact me because his phone was broken, but that he would pick me up Thursday for a date. He never contacted me or showed up on Thursday and that was the last time I've ever seen him or spoke to him. He disappeared and never actually properly dumped me, and he blocked my number. Now, I have a much better boyfriend who doesn't drink, smoke, or anything like that, who talks to me everyday and who would never disappear on me, and who is also a virgin like me (it wouldn't be a dealbreaker if he wasn't, but it's definitely a plus for me) and doesn't pressure me and is much more respectful and honest. I'm actually kind of glad my ex disappeared because he unintentionally did me a favor and I'm much happier now.But I was just wondering why some guys choose to just disappear rather than properly break up? My ex wasn't the only person to do that to me, either.
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female
reader, crazybeyatch +, writes (27 October 2014):
 He was a very controlling/jealous man it sounds like to me. The age difference may have only been a few years but the lifestyles are totally different at those ages too. Maybe it was a blessing that he was a heartless man that need to grow a pair due to his cowardly way of ending it with you. It doesn't matter what the reason is... if a person wants to end it with another person then they should have the respect enough to allow that person to hear the reasoning why they are calling it quits. Be VERY careful dating online... WAY to many shady people out there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): You said he was involved in some seedy stuff. Maybe he got in trouble with the law and that is why he couldn't get in touch with you. For all you know, it is very possible he got thrown in jail that week he stopped contacting you. You could look up his arrest record if you really want to know. Or if he didn't get thrown in jail, maybe he screwed someone over and is hiding out. Also, if he sells drugs, he probably does drugs. Maybe he is out on a drug binge.
All of the above possibilities, to me, seem the most likely scenarios.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 1 ) To save themselves annoyances. Possible confrontations, tears, reproaches, requests for explanations, requests for " working things out ",etc.Not that I justify the " chicken " way to dump people, but, objectively , generally it does not go like this :" I had enough, you are dumped " " Ok,I'll keep that in mind, thank you ". There's always an aftermath and they want to skip that.
2) To leave themselves a possible foot in the door, just in case. If you officially dump someone, and then you change your mind ( or, more probably , find yourself horny and sexless ) few weeks later, you can't just show up to her door with some cockamamie story about a broken phone and having been abducted by aliens. If there's no official ending you can and if the person is gullible ....
That, in general. In this specific case , though, there could be other variables
due to the nature of his activities. A drug dealer is not like your typical 9-to-5er , his life is less predictable. For all you know, he never showed up because they put him in jail. Or some rival drug dealer sent him to the hospital, or forced him to leave town.
And, last but not least, ... the guy treated you like crap for 4 months, did you expect him to turn into a considerate , sensitive gentleman just the moment he should decide to leave you ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): Hi I've had that done to me my ex just disapeared he also did me a favour. Some men just don't have the maturity to end things properly they're selfish and only think of themselves they like to be in control in their head its over but can't be bothered to inform u. Uve now got someone better focus on him and the good future ull have and don't bother about ur ex he's not worth thinking about
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