A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i have this friend who i was really close to but now she has done something that i don't think i can forgive her for. We are both holiday reps working abroad and for the last six months we have shared an apartment. She has always been my best friend whilst out here and the person who i tell and talk to about everything but recently she has been convinced that i have slept with a guy that we work with but im not telling her (i haven't), and she wont let it go and always questioning me about it! Its got so bad that the other day i caught her trying to find out by reading my diary! I confronted her at the time and she said she had to find out for sure but i am so angry with her cause my diary is my private space to write things that i dont want others reading and she felt it was okay just to go into my room and read it and then get mad at me for confronting her about it. I suppose my question is am i just over reacting or do i have a right to be mad at her?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2014): Yes you have the right to be angry - my sister read my diary one, she found it an read it. I was so pissed off and embarrassed because she read things she shouldn't have because it is all personal. She seems very controlling and clingy - talk to her about it, if she does anything to go against it or denies your feelings, she is not a good friend and you should leave her.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 October 2014):
 Regardless of if you did sleep with him or not (as suggested by the anonymous male poster, you have EVERY right to be upset with her, angry with her, etc.
In fact, I would no longer consider her a friend.... and I would consider finding new living arrangements.
Hammering at a friend for info is bad enough. INVADING her privacy and reading her personal diary is beyond reprehensible.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 October 2014):
 Of course you have a right to be upset. A person's diary is sacred ground, not to be invaded. I have two sisters, growing up, I knew to never ever read their diaries. they would have killed me. If not them, my parents would have. Hey, that's just the way it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014): Your so-called friend is not respecting boundaries, and has a lot of nerve to get mad at you because you approached her about reading YOUR diary. She is a selfish, nosey, controlling person who doesn't deserve you as a friend. What's this obsession she has with suspecting you and a male co-worker slept together? Strange. Even if you had, it's your business, and if you decide to tell someone, YOU decide who to tell. Don't ever allow another to set YOUR boundaries for you. This hits a sore spot with me because I had a so-called friend like that years ago. It escalated to a point she would dress like me, too! I worked with her, and the only way to get away from her was to get another job. You may need to get another roommate, or move elsewhere, if possible. Trust me, it will only get worse. So, yes, you do have every right to be mad at her! Do not tell her any of your business, thoughts, personal feelings, or even discuss the diary situation. It's going to be difficult since you live with her, but she already has your second guessing yourself, and it will only escalate if you open up to her. Take good care of yourself, and please realize she is not a friend.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (23 October 2014):
 Yes you do have the right to be angry with her. Reading a person's diary is a huge invasion of privacy. Its just creepy and low to do that. I have kept a diary on and off since I was 13. It just comforts me and when I am upset/angry I express my feelings and thoughts. Its not meant for anyone to read except ME. I have had both my mother and my grown daughter read my diary. I was so hurt and disappointed in both of them..I mean..WTH?? I even had it hidden and they both went looking for it. My own family! It caused a huge rift in my relationship with both of them so I TOTALLY understand how you feel.
This room mate isn't what I'd call a friend. I'd let her know that you no longer trust her AT ALL and unless she makes a sincere apology to you, I'd be finding a new room mate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014): Sorry I can't help but be suspicious that you did sleep with him because there was a question a month ago from someone working as a holiday rep with the exact situation who didn't want to tell her roomate that she'd slept with a local guy that you worked with that she liked and should you tell her. It's unsurprisingly deleted now but you can still see the beginnings of it in the search. Why are you reacting so strongly if you had nothing to hide? Calm down and move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2014):
 You have every right to be mad at her ! some friend, she is.
First she butts into your private life, what business is of hers if you have slept with guy X or not ? Unless the guy was her husband ! Ok you are best friends and roommates, so pretty close, but still, if you don't want to share ALL, she should let go. Second, you told her you did not- and she does not believe you. She is not showing you much trust. Third amd worst of all : she tries to read your personal private secret diary,... and she even gets mad because you call her out on that ?!...
Then she is no friend of yours. She should NOT be a friend of yours. I can imagine that now the situation is tense, what with living abroad, and you two sharing a flat, but... in my book, that's a friendship dealbreaker. No point in keeping friends who act like enemies.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2014):
 Yep, you have EVERY right to be mad at her. JUSt because SHE doesn't BELIEVE you didn't sleep with "some" guy doesn't give her the right to INVADE your PRIVACY and read your diary. Or even GO through your personal stuff.
The fact that she felt it was OK for her to do, show a lot about her character and how LITTLE she respects others.
Sorry, this would be the end of the line as friends for me. Some might think that it is petty to end a friendship over this, but it's NOT just her reading it, it's her thinking it's a "god given right" to GO THROUGH your stuff.
And of course she is mad at your for confronting her.. SHE already told you she felt it was OK to do.
Think about it. If she is willing to do this... how many other lines will she cross to get what SHE wants at yous and others expense?
This is a big fat knife in the back. It makes HER untrustworthy.
Like Chigirl said, get a lock box for your personal items if you are still living together.
Since you might have to live together a while longer I would be polite but no longer confide in her, not do thing with her.
As for forgiveness. Well she isn't asking for it, so I wouldn't comply. But at some point it time you will have to LET it go, not for her sake but for yours. Sometimes we find out that we CAN NOT trust a good friend. So this is a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 October 2014):
 Be mad at her. And, if I were you, I'd just drop her and freeze her out. For at least 6 months. Unless I got a heartfelt apology. Loyalty is EVERYTHING to me in a friendship, and this was betrayal. Ergo, friendship is dead. To me, anyway. I don't know how you feel about it, maybe you're not as strict or hold friendships to such a high standard. So do as you wish, really. If you want to keep her as a friend though, Id not live with her again and for the time being lock up all my personal items.
Reading a friends diary is the equivalent of cheating in a relationship. It's betrayal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014): I would say you have every right to mad. If she's your true best friend, she would believe you when you say you haven't slept with whoever. For her to take it upon herself to 'investigate' and find out is beyond disrespectful and definitely a violation of your personal belongings. Also, just as a sidenote, even if you did sleep with said person, why does it matter so much to her? If you always tell her everything, why does she have reason to believe you're not telling her the truth now? It seems ridiculous for her excuse being "I had to find out for sure" because she should just come to you and trust that you're telling her the truth. And like I said, if it's just a matter of knowing everything and she really has no connection to this guy she DEFINITELY should not being going through your things just to know little details about your life.She is not a good friend and is invading your personal space. I believe you have every right to be angry and perhaps shouldn't keep this girl in your life until she apologizes and acknowledges what she did and why it upset you so much.
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