A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Omg, i am terrible when it comes to eye contact! I am 15 now but ever since i started secondary school (11yo) i've had trouble keeping eye contact, especially with teachers. I used to NEVER make eye contact, look down etc. except when i spoke to male teachers, i was always scared that this kind of eye contact, if you can even call it eye contact, made them think i liked them or something despite the fact i don't have feelings for them (I probably felt intimidated).Fast forward a couple of years. My eye contact is so weird. I either don't look at the person or i stare deeply into their eyes in a creepy manner (my friends say my eye contact is so long that i look so intensely. But the point is, once i make eye contact, i don't know where to look! so i end up staring at the person/teacher in the eyes for the amount of time they talk to me which i will admit would be quite scary for them AND for me. I don't like doing this because it makes me feel uncomfortable and look like a creep! I find this quite unacceptable. Does it make a difference that im a shy person?So what can i do to sort this out? any tricks? (and no, the tip with looking at the persons forehead, eyebrows, nose etc. does not work - already tried it a million times)Where do i look after a certain amount of time or eye contact? What if the person is standing right in front of me? And how do i do it without giving the impression that i like the person or want to potentially kill them?How do i make eye contact while talking to the person and listening to the person? (more trouble making eye contact with the person while listening).It's gotten to the point where im old enough to make good normal eye contact.PS. Im a good person and have nothing to hide during eye contact, just the fact that im a little insecure and shy. Any help, tips, facts are welcome. Thanks xx
View related questions:
insecure, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KC12  +, writes (27 October 2014):
 I can totally understand, and relate. I am a shy person too, and have trouble making eye contact due to a medical condition. An old theater professor once told me to look at a person's forehead if it's too hard to make eye contact. And, I've also heard that brief eye contact is good...Don't "stare into the person's eyes" too long, just try to keep contact for about 2-3 minutes, and then look in their general direction...maybe (as my teacher said) forehead, or hair. As long as you're looking at their face/head that will do...Make eye contact when you say someone's name, and if you break eye contact it is cool to focus on the subject of conversation. Like if the person you're talking to says "look at the blossoms on that tree over there!" Then, you can look at that tree...because it shows that you're paying attention to their subject matter. I hope that helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, I'll figure it out.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 October 2014):
 I must have read it on Cosmopolitan so I don't know if it works, but it makes sense in theory- Look at the root of their nose, the area between just under their nostrils and their upper lip. To them it LOOKS like you are making eye contact, but you are not, so you won't feel intimidated.
Remember, though, whatever you are looking at- deep into their eyes, or their nose or eyebrows etc., you are allowed, in fact you SHOULD, turn your gaze away every few seconds and put it briefly on something else ( another part of their body, or your hands, or even a piece of furniture in the room ) : otherwise if you never ever ever break eye contact it will feel like you want to hypnotyze them or make them uncomfortable or stare them down.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): I've had this problem once in my life too. There was one thing that really helped me get over it and have fun at the same time. I would recommend taking drama class or club. It would be 10X better if you took it with a friend. The class can teach you how to project your emotions and get out of your shell, which would help with your eye contact. Over time, you will find yourself improving. This helped me, and I hope it helps you.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 Yep, it is a hard skill to learn. I overcame it by looking at the other person's eye brows. They can't tell the difference and it lets you concentrate on something other than direct eye to eye contact. try it once or twice with a friend and ask them if they can tell.
...............................
|
