A
female
age
30-35,
*olly945
writes:What's wrong with me? Iv been seeing this guy for 2 years now. Hes 21 and I'm 25. Everything has been great moved in.together its good. Recently a old friend with benefits got in contact, saying he really wanted/needed to see me. I have known him for 10 years, not seen himiin prob about 6 years but we have always stayed in touch. I used to be infatuated with him he is 33 now so bit older than me. Heiis very successful and runs his own business has property etc. Me I a care worked really bad with money and still renting.Anyway I decided to meet him for drinks to show id grown up since seeing him last and well I dunno something just called me to him. So I on my way to meet him I was so nervious I felt sick.When I met him we chatted like old friend had drinks and went round the town drinking and enjoying each others company. Then he kissed me by body shivered the way only he had ever made it do. After the kiss it was more like a date a few more drinks and I was in his hotel room...... what was I thinking...... we do you know then he holds me and tells me he loves me and always have at this point in my drunkenness I say it back. I'm sure I do in some way but I know it will never work we are so different how would I ever fit in to his world.....after a while of been there I freaked out and left ( he has a gf too btw) now we have been texting everyday and he want to see me again for dinner. (We have never had dinner) I know its wrong but hes like my drug I cant help myself. Could this mean he is the one or is he using me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): Hi Molly,
Yes, but when you met him again did you ask him if he's prepared to have an honest relationship with you?
...and likewise did you end things with the current partner who you would otherwise be continuing to cheat on by meeting this other man once again?
I've a funny feeling that you're avoiding asking him because you know what the answer is going to be?
You NEED to sort this out ASAP to be fair to your bofriend and to his girlfriend; and even for your own self esteem in not letting him have you as a secret second lover. Don't let this continue on in limbo as it is.
A
female
reader, molly945 +, writes (25 October 2014):
molly945 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I met him last night for dinner. He was such a gent getting doors for me paying for the meal (I did offer) he calls me beatiful all the time and makes me feel special. Just been with him makes me feel alive.
Still don't know what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): Hi Molly,I think you really need to talk to him about what he wants ASAP. You risk both your partners finding out and losing both of them and/ or each other (and the choice WON'T be your choice), not to mention hurting your current partner in a way that you'll never get him back.But yet- I wonder if it's already gone too far for you to save your current relationship now.Could you ever take your relationship with him seriously knowing what you've done? Could you ever be (long-term) really happy with him now?Either which way, I think you need to leave your current partner. He deserves an honest relationship and this charade cannot last. But talk to the ex ASAP to find out what he wants. If he refuses to leave his girlfriend then LEAVE HIM. You need to rise above being someone's 'spare' or 'secret' bit on the side. And if you ask him to choose you will know very quickly if he wants an actual sincere relationship.
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A
female
reader, molly945 +, writes (24 October 2014):
molly945 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I met him last night for dinner. He was such a gent getting doors for me paying for the meal (I did offer) he calls me beatiful all the time and makes me feel special. Just been with him makes me feel alive.
Still don't know what to do.
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A
female
reader, Melanie0517  +, writes (22 October 2014):
I'd honestly go and see what he wants. It's something different you said, you two have never met for dinner before. If you can, don't have more than 2 drinks so you can keep a clear head. Don't let him persuade you back to his room..
I'd be too curious to not go, but I'd have to maintain my control while there. You don't need/want to be his friends with benefits anymore, establish a new relationship with him if possible. If sex is all he wants, you will find out quick if you're consistent in your "No's"
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2014):
 If he was the one, he would not be with another woman , don't you think ? he would make sure to make himself single and available so you could leave your current bf and live your " love " in the open. Variation : he would DEMAND that you leave your bf, and as soon as you have accepted, he would leave his gf so that etc.etc.
But, he chooses to " love " you in secret, occasionally, behind the closed doors of some hotel room. That must mean something, I suppose ?...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): You are the one using your bf for security while you are getting it on with your ex.
Let the young one go. He doesn't deserve this.
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