A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my friend and I have been friends for a long time. 3 years ago we ended up sleeping with each other and after that we went on dates shortly after we just decided on being friend (just cause I didn't want anything serious at the moment, got out of a 3 year relationship) now back to the present, every now and then we get drunk and make out with each other and the next day just act like nothing every happened. We both agreed we have an odd friendship but it was whatever. Recently, I started developing feelings for her so I don't know what to do. Today we were both sober and out of nowhere she kissed me out of nowhere (never happened sober) I was confused and shrugged it off, then a little after I just went for it and kissed her. I don't know if I should tell how I feel. But here's the background story about her:At this moment, She's been living with her ex because she doesn't have enough money to live by herself so he's being nice and letting her stay. She told me there on and off but never went into detail, but she doesn't want to be with him, its just hard because she lives with him. There's also another friend that has feelings for her but she's confused on how she feels about him. She told me at this moment in her life she doesn't want a relationship and wants to stay single.With all that being said, I would like some advice on how to pursue this situation. Thanks in advance for for anyone that's is willing to help :0
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): Thank you everyone for the advice, it really helped clear my head. I thought about what everyone said and I will move on and keep her at a distance, you all are right she has too much baggage and if I ever proceeded with anything, I would have to do it cautiously.
Thanks!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): WARNING: BEWARE OF SINGLE-WOMEN STILL LIVING WITH HER EX!!!
The lady has a sugar-daddy. He probably travels or works out of town a lot.
The woman you are falling for is a female-player. She looks for guys willing to financially-support her. Yet, she doesn't commit, nor does she really leave them. They all get a turn. She'll recycle you in a year or two.
Dude?!! Seriously?!! She'll end-up driving your car, using your credit cards, she'll takeover your closet, and your bathroom will be filled with her make-up and cosmetics. She'll suck you dry, then off to the next guy. The woman is a succubus, and she is getting her payback for all the rotten things guys have done to her. She'll be your sweetheart; while charming some other guy with a fatter bank account.
Zip-up and wise-up, boyfriend!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2015):
 Nope.
Could be she is "just" looking for another male to "take care" of her.
Either way, in 3 years you two have only hooked up under the influence of alcohol. And now that she is not in a good spot (I'd call living with an ex because she can't afford to be on her own a BAD spot) she can all of a sudden kiss you sober?
I think you are a bad match. I think you are wasting your time and I think... you should take your rose-colored glasses off.
Overall this scream DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!! Danger!!.
Or just.. this is a really DUMB idea.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2015):
 Pursue at your own risk and peril:). Actually, it seems to me that you should not pursue at all because the situation does not warrant it in the least, and I, not having the hots for this girl, think that anybody would see it from miles afar... but you do have the hots, so you can't see it and whatever we say you'll think that we "don't get it" , or we are out of touch blah blah. So, we can't stop you but we can encourage you to be realistic and if you HAVE to proceed, do it knowing that the chances you'll take an emotional beating or you'll be used and strung along are high. Only for you to decide if you want to run the risk, how much she's worth it, how will you react if ( when ! ,I suspect ) the second shoe drops ...
This girl is basically not available, not emotionaly free.. and not that interested. And she told you- both between the lines and in plain simple words.
She is still living with her " ex " and being " on and off " with him. So, beside the fact that an ex who is still occasionally "on" then is not even an ex is he ?- these are code words for either of these situations :
- Either, as YouWish says, she is fibbing and she IS still with him, just does not want to look in your eyes as a cold blooded cheater
-or, she says the truth and she stays there because of necessity/convenience, accepting to give this guy occasional sexual favours which she really does not wish to give, just to not rock the boat /keep him sweet and not risk being kicked out /show her tangible gratitude for the assistence she gets from him. Out of ....moral lazyness, basically ! Like, " it's not such a big deal, it's just sex". Now I don't want to climb on a moral high horse, some people DO think this way- and some think that you've gotta do what you gotta do, including paying rent with your own body, and who knows, they may have a point, we should be in their shoes to evaluate correctly. But, let me say that I doubt this type of person makes good GF material. So, in case you are looking for good Gf material...
Plus, she TOLD you she has someone else on her mind ( and in the wings probably). Then, we have live-in guy and the second guy, and then maybe you. Isn't the scene a bit too crowded for your tastes ?
Last, but not least at all, in fact it is the most relevant part- she TOLD you that she does not want a relationship . She likes what she has got, including OCCASIONAL fun and games with you, and she is not planning / eager to change that.At least, not for you.
Proceeding based on these premises requires a degree of bravery which borders closely with foolishness.
Then again,tbh, I can't say it is ALWAYS like that. Some times ( seldom, though ) "things " born on such shaky foundations like yours have a weird way of progressing and developping into real,loving,serious relationships.
Just, if you decide to go ahead, don't bet the family farm on a happy ending- and if there's a chance that you may get too attached, and too affecred by an almost inevitable a rude awakening- then be smart and do not even start pursuing anything.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 February 2015):
 I think you need to end things with her. I know you don't want to hear this, but she is no doubt cheating on her boyfriend she's staying with. (the whole "on-again, off-again" bit with the living together stuff is code for "I'm fooling around behind his back, but I don't want you to think I'm cheating"). She's cheating on him with two other guys, you and someone else.
You will get hurt, and you should be paying attention to how she treats the guy she says she loves. Even if it were true about the boyfriend being an "ex" (she what she says if you go to him and introduce yourself as the guy who is dating her), she's using him. And she'll use you.
You have a zillion other women out there who ARE single, who would think enough about you to kiss you sober, and doesn't play the whole cheating thing off as an "odd friendship". You two are not friends.
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