A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Friends question. I got a bit bewildered to day by friend's request. She is my very good friend, I know her for 15 years. They have this friends a couple from a different city who comes on vacation to our part for New Year's Eve and stay for as much as 10 days. We live in resort area, and for New Year everything gets very expensive. My house is only 5-7 min. from the beach. These friends usually stay with her and her family, but this year another couple want to come also. My friend can't accommodate so many people in her house, so she called me today to ask if I can. Just to explain: these 2 families are not our friends. One couple I didn't see for at least 5 years, another I saw 2 years ago, and the wife I only saw 3 times in my life. She is not very talkative, so I can't recollect even one time when we conversed. Husband likes to drink, they both smoke, and they have a small child. Right away I said, NO. My friend asked me if we are going away. I said yes, but only for 4 days. Then she kept on asking me if at least these 4 days they can spend in my house. I said, no, I don't want people that I can hardly know to live in my house for even 4 days. But you do know them, she said, they are my friends and I can guarantee you that they are very clean and won't bother you at all. I told her that I don't feel comfortable at all with this scenarium. And I could hear that she was very disssapointed. It seemed actually to me that she was pretty much sure that I would say deffinitely YES. When I hang up I felt very unpleasant. First, with her actually thinking that I can go alone with it. I would never even think of asking her to shelter my friends that she hardly knows. Second of all, the only reason why they would be staying in my house is to save their money. Because obviously for them to stay in a hotel is expensive or they just don't want to pay anything at all. During the conversation no money was offered or even mentioned. They will be using my water, AC ( which we usually turn off when we leave), toilet paper, soaps. Even if they make grossery shopping, they will still be using my things, spices, oils, etc. They will be using my sheets that I will need to wash after, my towels. I have to prepare all this for them, they can't carry all these items with them on a plane, so of course I would provide it for them. It's not just open your doors for someone especially with a little boy. Preparation is needed, and to say the truth after busy Christmas season and many hours of work in our business I don't feel like catering for anyone at all. Third, I can't understand her friends also. How they even think of crashing at someone's house they hardly know? Aren't they going to feel uncomfortable. Don't they think that they at least need to offer some compensation?My question is am I overthinking this, and may be it was not such a big deal of her asking me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): Don't waste more time worrying. Your friend overstepped the boundaries - they're her friends and if she can't accommodate them then they'll have to look for a hotel. Simple.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2014):
 I can see her asking... some of us have no clue about what's right and wrong.
I can agree with you saying no... and to strangers I would say no too...
i had to think on this however.. we have close friends who have keys to our home and can come and go as they please with their 2 yr old. Our house is so far from toddler-proof we cannot leave said child unsupervised for even a minute. and yet if they wanted to stay when we were away (they have before) we would be fine with it BUT they are close friends.
I know that there are places where folks can choose to "house share" on vacations.. they go and stay in some stranger's home and some stranger stays in their home... so not happening in my house... heck I don't let my maids in without being there if I can help it.
Feel free to say no.. and if this friend can't understand it then perhaps you two need to go from friends to acquaintances
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): Thank you all very much for supporting me on this. I feel much better now.,
CindyCares, I didnt even think of a child really can get hurt in my house. He is only 3 and for sure anything can happen. I have an 8 year old and so my house is not childproof anymore.
Honeypie, you are right, compensation wouldn't make a difference. I was just bewildered that people can use someone's hospitality for such along time without even offering anything at all. And they were not asking for a couple of days but the whole 10 days.
When I told my husband he just laughed. Yesterday night when we finally were ready for bed after a long day, he said, imagine now a 3 year old running around when we are so tired.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 Yes, your friend had some nerve, and you were right, and well within your boundaries , to say no. You are not an innkeeper, if you don't want to host semistrangers that's fine and normal. As for, lending semistrangers your home when you are away ? regardless of the expenses and extra work that you have pointed out, heck no ,it's such an invasion of privacy , the idea of people maybe opening your drawers and peeking in your wardrobes .. brrrr ( even if they contain no skeletons at all :). Plus, they have a child, what were you supposed to do, childproof your house for them ? or be legally responsible if there's an accident and the kid gets hurt ?
In short, lame idea and pushy request.
But, I don't think you need to get mad at your friend though, or to protest " officially ".Some people are just more comfortable with making requests or impose on others, they don't even see it as being rude, only as pursuing by any possible means a certain end. And/ or have a different sense of personal boundaries, ( and personal space ), maybe they don't see this kind of favour as a big deal at all.
Different ways of seeing things- you keep your way without apologies, there's nothing strange in how you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): The cheek of it!
I would have said no too.
It doesn't work for you so you said no and that's ok. Don't second guess yourself. Who banks on sleeping at a strangers house anyway?!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2014):
 I wouldn't make a big deal out of this. I DO think she was being kind of rude to OFFER your place for someone to stay at, specially when you don't really know them. Sorry, I would let stranger come stay at my house, not while I'm there, not while I'm gone. NOT even of they offered money. NOPE.
And I think it's kind of rude of her to make plans that INCLUDE them possibly staying at someone's house. I mean really?
Would the compensation really make a difference? Personally, no amount of money would make me say, sure.
Saying NO is fine. You shouldn't feel bad for that at all. If she is a close friend then maybe it's not so weird of her asking. Nothing ventured,nothing gained, right?
I'd just let this one go. Stick to your boundaries.
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