A
female
age
30-35,
*zhopelesslove
writes:I'm dating a guy that is a 100% gentleman, is God-fearing, has a great job, is goal-driven and has committed to being celibate with me..But, he is divorced (for 5 years now), and has two children (10 years old and 7 years old). He's 33, so I can understand he got alot more done in his life already than I have, at 26 years old (with no kids). I haven't felt so protected, so happy, and so willing to commit to any other man in years. Does he have too much baggage? Is it something that could work?
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celibate, divorce Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (19 November 2016):
I wonder how you long been seeing him. Have you met his ex wife and his kid? I know it can be a handful to you if you're dating him while he is a full-time father. Try taking the relationship slow and see where it leads you with him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 November 2016):
 Nothing wrong in going slow. Actually, I think going slow (no matter the guy) is the smartest thing you (or anyone) can do.
I think people so often don't take the time to build a relationship, getting to know the other person on a deeper level - because they want a relationship so bad. And in turn, they don't pay attention to the inconsistencies or red flags. I know I have done that in the past and it wasn't a good thing.
There should be no hurry.
Waiting to introduce you the ex-wife and kids till 9-12 months I think is also smart. Though the wife you could definitely meet sooner depending on how things go.
DO listen to your gut. And go at a speed YOU are comfortable with.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, mzhopelesslove +, writes (14 November 2016):
mzhopelesslove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! Thank you to everyone who responded in a respectful, nonjudgmental way..I have some thinking to do, and I think my heart will be content in the long run. I'm going to continue to see him. I do know many of the questions that were listed, (which helps). I have not met the kids nor the wife, but I am taking my time with some a big step.
Thank you so much everyone :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 November 2016):
 Well, you asked a lot of questions and had some answers. I’d say it could work, depending on your compatibility. The resume you presented seems fine so what is your hesitation?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 November 2016):
 At 26 it can be a lot to take on in a relationship especially if you are wanting to be celibate. However this is your decision to make and nobody else's. Yes am sure it is scary, but you also seem to like him, therefore I would say give it a chance. As long as you are prepared to accept that he has an ex in the picture and also two children then there is nothing else to worry about.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 November 2016):
My guess is some of your peers or family has brought up the subject of "baggage" in regards to this guy, am I correct?
Whether or not it would/could work is entirely up to you and him.
But I would mention a few things for you to reflect on:
(depending on how long you have known him)
Do you know why they divorced?
Do they ( him and his ex-wife) have a cordial relationship?
Does he spend a lot of time having his kids?
Are you included in the time with his kids?
Have you met the ex-wife?
Is he looking for a wife/life partner?
Do you want kids? Does he want more kids?
Do have share things in common? things that you can bond over and do together?
How is his relationship with his family? His mom especially?
Can YOU see yourself with him as part of HIS family in 2 years? 5?
Dating someone with kids (when you don't have any yourself) CAN be problematic. There can be lingering animosity from the ex-wife, there can be drama over money, visitation, family etc. Something that you MIGHT not want to get in the middle off. Because you WILL get in the middle if you keep seeing him. Eventually.
I'd say the kids aren't the baggage, but the whole "failed" marriage and making it work AFTER the divorce CAN be some scary baggage. Emotional baggage which can spill over into the kids and how they act around you, treat you. Not the kids' fault but it can still create "speed bumps".
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (10 November 2016):
 LOL did you just his 'kids' baggage?
If Im a divorced mother, with 2 kids, great job, great personality and a man Im dating who is single with no kids ...called my kids 'baggage'---Id kick him to the curb so fast he didnt see it coming =)
I think because of how you see him already, Leave him =). Hes probably very happy to get rid of a woman like you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 November 2016):
 Sure it could work. Why not. It just depends about how you feel personally about certain things: like, how would you feel about being a stepmom ? Would you resent sharing his love, time, and financial resources with his childcren, or that would not be a problem at all ? do you want your own child /children, amd in this case, what does he say about becoming a dad again ?...
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 November 2016):
 Sure it could work. Have you met the ex wife?
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