A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enjoy his company. We communicate non stop between our short dates and we both agree that there is click and chemistry between us.For a various reasons we will never be in a serious relationship. I never thought of it before but this trip it became to bother me a bit. I saw him 2 weeks ago for a day and again it was wonderful.Now I have to see him again in 10 days on my way back. It's only 10 hours layover but we still will have 7 hours together. 2 things bother me:1. How come he never offers to pay for hotel? I understand it's my trip not his and I would have hotel anyway but he is an active participant in all of this. He only asks me which hotel but never offers to book one. He always brings something or orders food though.2. This time I wanted to change tickets for longer layover so we could spend more time together and also for me too so I could have rest before long travel. I was running it by him and said if it's not going to be too expensive I would change it. His answer was: if its too expensive don't change it, let's enjoy the time we have together. Honestly I kind of expected him to at least offer to pay half of change fees so we could make it happen. He is making good money, it's not like he is tight in his finances. Is it silly of me to even think of it? I really like the guy and enormously enjoy every second of our time together. I wish I did not have these thoughts as it's kind of ruining my experience .
View related questions:
money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 November 2016):
 .. But free does not only mean " free of costs "
( although, personally ,I believe that this is a factor too- because if your encounter should cost him any " real " money, i.e. more than the occasional snack , you'd see him lose interest... ) but most of all free of expectations from your side, free of obligations, free of attachments, free of the implied rules of conduct existing between partners- like: doing anything possible to help a visiting gf to extend her stay- which does even not cross his mind. It does not cross his mind because he is a fuck buddy , ( although , luckily, one eager enough to get up very early once in a rare while to come and get you ) , not a boyfriend. If you keep your expectations limited to what reasonably pertains the fuck buddy category, you won't be risk any let downs or any confusion.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 I think when people are saying free sex they mean he does not need to make a commitment to you, he gets a free room for the night buys some food and has sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (13 November 2016):
 "Free sex" because men often can't get what you're offering this guy (true no-strings hookups, at his convenience, in a place where he doesn't have to host the encounter) without paying for the privilege.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (11 November 2016):
I think YouWish hit the nail on the head. If you're only seeing this guy a few days a year, you're almost certainly not the only woman he sees. Right now he's getting a cheater's dream scenario - free, no-strings sex, without the paper trail of restaurant meals or hotel charges showing up on his bank statements for his regular partner to inquire about. I'd guess it's highly unlikely that he will ever volunteer to change the current arrangement.
If you're not enjoying the arrangement like you used to, please don't feel pressured to continue it. You don't owe this guy anything; after all, he hasn't done anything for you.
Good luck and best wishes!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2016): Given how little you see each other if he isn't interested in extending the time he can spend with you then this guy has no interest apart from a quick sh*g.
Even if you communicate otherwise your relationship with him is purely about sex from his point of view, 3-4 times a year then he goes back to his real life, whatever that is (wife, girlfriend?).
If it's ruining your experience then you are WAY more keen on him than he is you so I suggest you think about how long you want to continue, as you might get hurt in the long run.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2016): This is OP.
He lives 1.5 hour away from airport i arrive to.
He rearranges hisweek schedule to come up there because it's during the day and he has to skip a day of work. This time it's 6:30 am when he picks me up.
Everyone keep on saying " free sex". Isn't it supposed to be just that : " free??
Or else it calls prostitution.
I guess I was a bit bothered by the fact that it does not occurs to him to at least ask me if he can pay but I think I agree to just enjoy the moment and don't think too much. Anyway it's not like I am going out of my way to see him
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (11 November 2016):
You are giving him sex for free, why would he offer to pay for anything else??
Free food...but it will cost you $20.00...Then I don't want it. Free sex, room paid for to have said sex...now it should cost him half the room rate?
NEVER give sex to someone who is not committed to you.
Especially if you know the relationship is going nowhere.
If you are just there for sex and company, then fine. Pay for the room, get what you came for, and leave it at that. Men are very practical. We will not pay for something that has been offered to us for free. You come, you get, you leave, done.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 November 2016):
Because it's just sex !, and it is only valuable and amazing etc. as long as it costs him no money and no effort. If he has to shell out cash for this form of entertainment, it's not Worth it for him, - after all, I guess he does not have to wait for your arrival 3 or 4 times a year to get laid ?...
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (11 November 2016):
 Why would he need to? You've set the precedent of always doing it so why would it change now?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2016): You've spoiled him from the beginning. He feels entitled to all these things you offer. It will never cross his mind to put in any effort. Some men are like that. If you want a change, you need to ask for it. Ask to stay at his place or say next time, it's your turn to book the hotel.
My BF and I are in a LDR, when we visit each other, we stay part at the house and part at the hotel. Staying at the house allows us to spend time with each other's family, but the sex kinda is not as good. Staying at the Hotel allows us to roam naked around the room, and sex is amazing.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2016): I think I understand you. Probably you are a successful career driven lady who doesnt want to complicate her life with demands of marriage and babies so you have come to this arrangement.This is understandable but it seems that you have come to a stage where you want more commitment from him but it seems to me that this guy also have other commitments. He could be married or has a gf but he doesnt mind the change once in a while. Why not take the plunge and commit yourself to someone who can be yours exclusively before it is too late?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2016): This is OP. Thank you for your answers. He does not offer to stay at his place because he lives 1.5 hour from airport. Even if I have 24 hour layover it's still 3 hours for commute only.
This time I am arriving at 6:30 am. He wakes up at 4 am that day to meet me there. And he takes day of work.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2016): Though you have here some cynical answers about him getting agree rude but I have a different opinion.
People with money don't count every penny. He just simply does not think that hotel is such an expense and he does not know it bothers you.
Him not offering to extend the stay means very little. He just thought it's your part of arrangement . I think you need to concentrate on how great you guys together but not on negative things. Life is short, enjoy it while you can
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2016):
 I agree with YouWish, why not stay at his place? That sounds really iffy. Why isn't he offering THAT? Have you even been to his place?
My guess is he ENJOYS the stays (short or long) at a hotel over his own place. It's like a day or a few days of pampering. OTHER people pick up after you, give you clean towels and linen. Lovely.
But why doesn't he offer? Because he presumes that 1. you are either wealthy enough or 2. your company picks up the bill.
He gets sex on tap, to spend the night in a hotel ALL for free. He REALLY doesn't have to do anything but show up and have a hard on.
No skin of his nose.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 November 2016):
 Why do you need a hotel room? If this isn't a business thing and the travel is for leisure, why can't you stay at his place as a "layover" instead of a hotel room? It's possible he doesn't pay because to him, it's not needed? He lives there, doesn't he? Why not go to his place? It would save both of you money!
If the guy is married or involved with someone else, and you're flying into town and ordering a hotel room is so that he can cheat on someone with you, then not paying for the hotel room becomes even more obvious, as such charges or even a larger ATM withdrawal raises questions at home. Not saying it's right (it's actually really wrong!), but it would be a very good reason. I kinda suspect this if he wasn't over the moon at you extending your stay where he is.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 November 2016):
This guy has it all, sex on tap, a free hotel room, no commitments. He has it good. Why does he not offer? Simply because you pay for it so now he takes it for granted. It shows how much he values your time together really, because he would have offered to pay if he wanted to spend more time with you. It sounds like he is in it for the sex. Maybe you are as well. I wouldn't expect to much from him. At least he buys some food.
...............................
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (10 November 2016):
 Why buy cow when you can get the milk for free?
Essentially youve been offering and just paying so hes going along with it. Hes an active participant but he also orders food. AND on top of that, he prob assumes you want this as much as he does so you dont mind getting the hotel room everytime. Plus you are the one flying over.
Look hun, sounds like its a great arrangement but youre prob getting attached to him by wanting him to start paying. It sounds like youre keeping score now. He is getting all the freebies for fun, sure. He is getting free sex, free hotel, no attachment, no commitment, all he does is show up and maybe order food later lol.
He is def scoring a lot of points but if you see yourself as victim here, time to ask yourself if this is something you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2016): Maybe he does not want it showing on his statement.
...............................
|
