A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been seeing a married man(ex), for 3 years now. I finally got the guts to say "I can't do this anymore, I need more". It was really hard to say this to him since I still love him. He just said to me "ok". nothing else. not why, are you seeing someone?, nothing. So my question is, does he just think I'll change my mind? he seemed very light hearted about it. thx.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 November 2016):
 You seem to be complaining about this ; why ? shouldn't you be happy ?
Once you have decided to terminate a relationship, doing it with the least fuss, the least opposition, the least arguments that's possible, should be a positive result !
Unless.. unless you did not really mean it, and you just wanted to "scare " him, to threten him into taking action and showing appreciation.
It did not work ( it rarely does ). Either he saw your bluff, knows that you did not mean business, and he has only to sit tight a little while for you to change your mind and ask him back. Or, more simply, he was prepared to that. He is a married man ( I suppose with no intention whatsoever to change his status ) , you were having an affair, and generally affairs come with an implied expiry date. The unattached party in time comes to want more, just like you did , and the married party can't/ does not want to give more. This is so predictable that it never comes as a big shock. He knew you were on borrowed time and that at some point , sooner or later, you were going to have to part ways. He was prepared to this, and accepting it, since the beginning.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (10 November 2016):
 It's an affair, there's nothing to it so what were you expecting him to say?
You obviously don't mean anything more to him than sex so I wouldn't waste your time moping over him. Find someone who actually values you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 November 2016):
 Sounds to me like he is relieved you have called it a day because he didn't have the guts to do it in case you told his wife.
You are worth so much more. Find someone who will fight to keep you, not who allows you to walk away without question.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (10 November 2016):
 He's not going to change his mind. Either he's just not that into you or, he thinks that it's just a tactic of yours to gain his attention; you'll come right back to him like you always have. If he really believes that you've broken with him and still not pursued you then he's probably relieved that there was not much drama and he can move on to greener pastures. Your affair meant nothing to him.
I hope you know better now than you start am affair with a married man and expect love and fidelity from him. If he couldn't be true to his wife, did you really think he'd be true to you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2016): thank you all for your insight! i'm not a bad person. we had a history. 13 years in all. he broke it off and married a year after. I thought he realized he made a mistake. my mistake. I have learned alot through this. men say what you want to hear. I won't be fooled again! thx again.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2016):
 He is probably glad that you have ended it as soon as he heard you saying you wanted more. You see this guy is married, so he already has a wife, he does not need another one. You where someone he met with to have fun and forget about life. But now you want more well he cannot give you more. If he loved you he would have left his wife long before now. Maybe he doesn't care if there is anybody else because he also has someone else, his wife! He probably knows you are not his to care about. I think you just need to stick to your guns now and realize you have done the right thing, you have made the right decision now, even if it is three years to late.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2016): thank you all for your insight! this was not easy for me. I am not a bad person. we have a history, long story. but i knew in my heart, he wasn't going to leave his wife for me. I NEVER wanted to hurt his wife, i just thought MAYBE he realized he made a mistake. like so many other women, i believed his every word! thank you again.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (9 November 2016):
 Perhaps you groaned about needing more from this relationship before and he's aware of your restlessness, yet you still continued on with him despite the fact he cannot or will not give you total devotion... so when you finally say enough is enough he's like OK he's heard this grumbling before or it's been building up to this, so let's see if you really mean business or there's always the wife to fall back on?
In any case he knows and you know he has a wife he can return home to while you're left scratching your head about the 3 years you emotionally invested in someone who evidently is gutless to end his marriage, but rather be deceitful in his marriage and drag you along for the ride that goes nowhere.
I suggest wiping whatever tears you have for this married man, he was never truly available for you, be done with him as it's finally run its course!
Take Care - CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2016): He either doesn't care, or has someone else, or is so arrogant he thinks "she'll be back for more". Do any of these possibilities appeal to you? I didn't think so. You just gave yourself a pass to freedom to find a guy who will respect you and you him. Don't trap yourself a moment longer. Move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2016):
 I don't think he believes you are seeing someone else, he just doesn't care deeply what you do. He knew it would happen, HE knows he can find a replacement or he knows you will come crawling back.
I hope, for YOUR sake, that you stick to your guns and cut him out of your life. IF you want more than an affair, don't DO married men. Find someone single who can GIVE you what you need/want and who can fully commit to you and vice verse.
Try not to analyze the ex and his words/actions. It's not going to make you feel better.
Keep moving forward, don't dwell on him OR the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2016): Well, could be a few things.Yes, he might be calling your bluff. Thinking you will change your mind. Especially if you have called it off before and did not stick to your guns. So, he is used to you crying wolf. Or he does not think you are serious and is using reverse psychology to let you think he does not care, so that you will chase him back, retract what you said and tell him you made a mistake and want to be with him. He is using your feelings to manipulate you. He knows you love him so he is pulling the "I don't care" card purposely in order to make you come crawling back. It is deliberate if this is his strategy.It could also be that after all this time you might actually be seeing his true colours. It could have been all about the sex after all, no matter what he tried to sell you. Sorry. But a man who loves a woman will fight for her. Or at least try to initiate a conversation and find out what is wrong and do all he can to make it better. To fix it so that she will stay with him. So, he would change his behaviour. Pick up the ball. Step it up. Compromise. Be the man she wants him to be. Essentially, he would do anything to keep you happy. Except of course leave his wife. He may have been preparing all along for this moment because he knew it was inevitable. And he has kept himself emotionally distant in order to be able to deal with this moment when it came and move on from it without being broken hearted. After all, he can't be. He has a wife and a whole other life.So, I would stay with my decision. As hard as it is. You have already made it. Now, hang back. Do not chase him. You will continue to be his doormat and continue to give him your power. Stand your ground. And wait. If he does not come looking for you, you will know there is no love there. I know it's a hard way to find out but if you go back to him, he will happily keep using you for as long as you let him. Years and years more if you allow it. The bottom line is, even if he did come back or did profess his love, he is not leaving his wife and you will never have him. Is this the way you want to live your life? It only gets harder and I suspect it's at the breaking point now for you since you have ended it. I believe you made the right choice. The right choice is not always easy. But in the long run once you come out of the fog, you are going to be much healthier emotionally and happier. And have an open heart for the man who is right for you. And can love you with all his heart and soul. You and only you. That is the way love should be.I wish you well.
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