A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am not going to lie and say I regret this or that this is anything serious.He works at my university as a professor, and yes i am a student there. However, he is in a completely different department to me.He is 38 I am 22 and our university doesn't have any issue with "relationships" between student/professor s long as they are disclosed and that member of staff isn't involved academically with that student. This is where I know things coud go wrong for both of us and mainly him. We aren't in a relationship, I mean we are "exclusive" so both of us are technically off the market, but at the same time we know this wouldn't work for a lifetime.We are both adults and we both know that one the excitement and thrill runs out, although the sex is great that will be it we will be over.Questions:Are we *bad* people for having a little sexy fun?We are both private people so it's not like this is getting posted all over the place, and that is one thing that makes it more thrilling for us.We both feel like naughty school kidsshould he inform his boss that we are having sex or not as we know it isn't going to last long?IF.....IFFFF, ( which we won't, but if we do) we do decide to give a relationship a go, mot much will change, I mean the secret will still be there as he works where i am getting educated.But when we are together I feel like I gain so much from his knowledge and his presence.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2016):
 Tricky one, be honest with yourself is it just fun to you? Really? If it was you would not be writing on here about it, neither would you be worrying about what your parents thought, if it was just a private bit of sex.
If I had to guess you have agreed to this as you think you can handle it. He probably likes hooking up with young girls from the Uni because he can tell them it is frowned upon so keep it a secret. Is it him that does not want people knowing? I wonder why, probably because he knows peoples opinions will change off him. But no you are not a bad person and yes you can make your own decisions so go with what you want to do, but don't pretend you want casual if you don't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2016): Your fun has no real meaning if by merely mentioning it to your bf's Head of Department would kill the frisson between you. As it's explicitly stated that the HOD should know then it's wise you let him/her know for the sake of your bf's job. If you think that he'll get a little telling off if they find out otherwise then think again. I work in a college in the UK (in admin) and have had to attend disciplinary hearings. Believe me they're no laughing matter.Your bf sounds quite immature (a naughty school kid at 38?) and irresponsible. As others have mentioned you probably aren't the first or will indeed be the last. Be mindful that if your feelings get involved and you're relationship is found out he's likely to drop you like a hot potato to protect his career. If he didn't I wonder how attractive an unemployed professor would be to you once he's working in a supermarket.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 November 2016):
 Interesting. So in such a short time he has been downgraded from " meet the parents " to " naughty sexual fun " ?..
You've posted already a couple of times, one quite recently. And your problem was that, although your parents know that you generally date / have relationships with much older guys, and your parent are fine with that,- you did not know how , and when, to tell them that this time the older guy is also your teacher ( because they might be not fine with that ).
Well, at least this problem is solved. If it's just naughty fun, you don't have to tell them. I mean, even if you are close to your parents , they do not need to know the details of your SEX life, there's neither a moral obligation nor any practical advantage in telling your dad " Hey Dad, did I mention that I am bonking my professor ?( AND personal tutor too !, btw. ).
I am very skeptical about the fact that your university may not have any problem with a teacher / student intimate extraprofessional relationship. He is your tutor - this is so inappropriate on so many levels, even if he does not grade any of your tests, as detailedly explained by Celtic Tiger.
Heck, forget about my "regular " University where he would have been kicked out instantly,- I also went to acting school- I mean, it's ACTING school. In New York. In the Village. Half of the teaching staff were the stage equivalent of Keith Richards as for morals and lifestyle. And STILL- there too, if you want to bed your students- do it at your own risk and peril, and , forget about disclosure, at least be smart and do not ever get caught- otherwise the s..t hits the fan big time.
I am not saying that you lied to us,- but , maybe you are misinformed. ? Maybe you did not read the fine print in your school's conduct code book. Or you misinterpred something that you read or heard. Or, perhaps,.... this is what your professor told you, and it's not necessarily accurate.
Anyway, supposing that your school is really so unusual - and meddlesome- that their teachers can behave dishonourably, as long as the Dean knows - well, does he know, or does he not ?
Apparently he does not - otherwise where the excitement, the thrill of the secret would come from. But if he does not , you are clrearly breaking the rule of " disclosure " and Professor Lothario is really asking for trouble.
Are you two "bad " for having a secret sexual tryst ? Well, "bad " is such a tall order. Maybe I'd say that you both are weak and have objectionable ethical codes. Consenting adults and all, yes- but there are things that a person with some integrity ( and I am saying this much more for your ptofessor than for you, because he is the one in position of power and authority , even if it does not feel so to you ) would NEVER consent anyway- whether it can cost him his job, or not at all.
So yeah, personally I think that your professor is a very shady character ( and I've got this hunch that he is not new to this kind of escapades.... )- then again ... maybe it's exactly the sleaze factor that makes this tryst appealing...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2016): One word "caution". Yes most, if not all, Universities do not condone sexual relationships with student. However, it happens. So if you both are clear with your intention and know the consequences if he decides to let someone known then enjoy the experience. Yet, make sure your feelings are not more than you are acknowledging. Sometimes we are our greatest fool becasue our heart ties strings when we think we are keeping this casual. If it moves into a deeper commitment then I may consider letting people know, but if it's just sex. What's the point?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2016): There must be some rule against professor/student fraternizing; or you wouldn't be writing a post about it.
By no means do you disclose something as personal as your sexual activity with a faculty member. If he's not tenured, he could be fired. No rule calls for you to detail your sex-life; but there must be some professional-guidelines for the professor's conduct. That is because there is a high legal liability on the institution when things go wrong.
I have some doubt about your statement that it's okay; and seriously suggest you check that out according to the university by-laws and code of ethics. For both students and faculty. Loose interpretations or misrepresentations could cost him his job, and more.
If everything is okay as you say, why is it a secret?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 November 2016):
 No, you're not bad people.
If the rules say it has to be disclosed, follow them or don't go against them.
Personally, I think this is a really bad decision, but hey - consenting adults can make their own choices/mistakes.
Good luck.
P.S - you probably aren't the first student he's had this type of relationship with, even if he says you are.
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