A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I could use some help. Recently I've just started to doubt a lot of things regarding myself and my future, but this one's going to be about a guy. So there's this guy that im really interested in at work. Infact, I'm possibly falling in love with him and I don't know what to do. He's the context behind the situation:I'm 17 he's just a few years older and we spend a lot of time together at work, sometimes coincidental sometimes intentionally. We get along so well, we have similar interests, sense of humour, and just alot of other similarities. Please don't let the age thing influence your answer, I've gotten over that and it's only slight. Thing is, we flirt like hell but it seems to go deeper than typical flirting, and I haven't ever seen him like this with any other girl at work. I guess I can't speak for outside of work but hey ho. We hug alot, like sometimes just randomly or a quick snuggle and he always appears to look for excuses to make contact and to talk to me. He's also made an attempt to kiss me which I'm still trying to figure out several days later. Can't tell if he just wants a kid or if he wants to kiss me, so I sort of swerved his first and second attempt to lock lips. But anyway my question ISN'T about whether he likes me, my question is what I should do of he does.Basically, this time last year I almost hooked up with a total imbecile. Well he wasn't all bad, but I knew him barely and his only incentive/motive was sex. Luckily I regained common sense during the experience (my first and last experience so far) and did not go as far to sleep with him.i chose to delete this guy from my life and forget that I nearly screwed up big time, but I'll never forget. With this new guy, my friends say I should just go for it, respond to his kiss and whatever else. One said "it's just a kiss". But for me it's not - of course I never told them about the existence of this guy for several reasons. They think I'm totally innocent . Is it weird to want my next kiss and next sexual experience to mean something? I mean the only reason I "hooked up" with that other guy was for a sort of experiment, I was just curious and eager to be intimate with a guy, despite barely knowing him. I'm kind of hoping my next experience, or just next kiss, will overwrite that one. I really am falling for this new guy but I don't want it to just be a random bit of fun if we did kiss or I did date him. I want this time to be something more. Should I give it a go and just see what happens? Am I stupid for turning down his kiss even though I really want him and wanted it?
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986  +, writes (19 November 2016):
I agree with N91 on that comment he just said to you. Why don't you ask your co-worker out or is it forbidden to date since you both work together? How long have you both been working together? I think you might love him but I don't think you should do anything else with him while working with him. Try to go out on a date with him first and see how it goes also. If you kiss him that is sweet but keep it at that level.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 November 2016):
 ... I knew you were not going to listen :)
Anyway, FWIW :
You KNOW what he wants from you. Deep down you know. Based on the things he does and, even more, on those he omits to do , like taking you out on dates.
You just do not want to know what you know .Because you want him to want other things from what he is wanting.
Mind you, not that if you kiss him is such a tragedy.
" It is just a kiss ". And if you don't want to do more than kissing, you can state your boundaries and have him respect them. ( Well, that's not always literally true, unluckily, but of course we have no reason to think that he is a wanna-be rapist ).
But since you just said that ideally you do not want to
" throw away " your next kisses...
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 November 2016):
 Why don't you ask him out then? He's had plenty of time to offer a date to you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 November 2016):
 I wouldn't advise it, but I don't think you're going to listen because you seem set on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMe again. Thanks for the advice it does make sense. I mean I do wonder what he actually wants. But the thing is with the flirting, it's my call. Like it has only been recent, we only stared getting to know eachother over the past few months, before that it was just casual conversation. I remember, one day we stared talking and he said something cute and a little flirty. He was sort of reluctant to be flirty at all, but then I responded and it sort of carried on from there. The thing I like about him is that it's not always completely flirty, when its quiet at work we actually talk and get to know eachother, he asks me questions and i ask him. I'm guilty of always thinking the worst in guys and assuming they only want sex or company. I really dont know if this is him or not, but isn't it worth going for anyway? I sound like an idiot right now considering I said I want my next experience to mean something. Which is still true. But shouldnt I atleast give it a chance, well if he does like me I dont know. I dont know but if I dont do anything I'll just be hung up on him wondering what if. Ive reached a point where id rather be rejected than be asking myself what if. And even if he did tuen out to just want sex, that doesn't mean I'll give in.With that other guy, it was a really compromising situation. He was, not pushy or forceful, but trying to pressure me to actually have sex with him. I dont blame him for trying, i mean it's me who almost hooked up with a guy who I only really knew through when we were texting. I remember he kept saying, well we've come this far why stop? I'm an idiot but I'm proud of myself for not being a complete and utter fool. I'm still a virgin and on of the few I know. I use to think having sex was something I just had to do but I'm over that feeling. It'll happen when it happens, hopefully it'll be with someone I love who loves me but let's be realistic, thats a rare thing.Also, I think him not asking me on a date has something to do with me flashing hot and cold at times. I like flirting and I really like him but I never want to get too close incase he doesn't want me or he only wants me physically, so I stop flirting after so long. Im a pretty reserved person who would rather shut down rather than get hurt so I never let much off. He's actually told me that he finds me confusing. I dont know but isn't it worth giving him a chance and just see what happens?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 November 2016):
No I think it's good that you don't want a random hook up and you know what you want from your next love interest.
However, I don't think this guy at work is going to be that special person you're looking for. Why you ask? Because like you said you see each every day, you think he's interested in you, yet he's never asked you out on a date and all he tries to do is hug and kiss you at work? Not only is that very inappropriate workplace behaviour, that's definitely not the tactic I'd be using if I was truly interested in someone.
I'd use being workmates as a chance to get to know the person better and find some inforation out about them and then ask them on a date. That's why I don't think this guy wants anything more than a hook up.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 November 2016):
I think you have a good idea about it. I'm all for people making their own choices, but I don't think teens should hook up with people without being in a strong relationship first.
If he's 20 or older, it's not a good idea. I know you said not to mention it, but it needs to be said that he will be too far ahead and it is a big gap at your ages.
Cindy is right, he knows you have a crush ("falling in love" is mutual, this is "falling for") and he's not interested in a relationship, just flirting and touching. He's old enough to know this will be charming you and you won't put your foot down. I'm afraid to say that, even if he agreed to go out with you, it's very unlikely he'd be doing it seriously - it would be to keep the touching going and maybe take it further.
I'm so glad you want kissing and sex to mean something; not enough teenagers do, but it will only mean something for you, with this guy. I know most people don't listen to this, but I really think teens should wait 8+ months of an exclusive relationship before having sex because they can end really quickly and it's easy to regret it. If a guy won't wait that long, he's not as interested in you - I really mean that.
I'd draw some boundaries for yourself with this guy - if you want to continue the flirting, you can, but you'll need to stop your feelings because you'll get hurt.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 November 2016):
No, you are very wise and clear minded.
While there's nothing wrong ,IMO, in being curious or adventurous or fun-loving with no strings, if this works for you, makes you happy , and reflects your tastes and personality- why the heck one has to be all casual and superficial aboit love , against her own's inclinations, to please other people ??
You want your next kiss and / or sexual experience to be romantic, to be meaningful, to be memorable. You want something more than a quick rushed making out session in the broom closet or behind the Xerox machine at work.
Perfect. You know what you want, you have any right to get it, and you have the responsibility to make sure things will go this way. So act consequently.
... And this is the part where you stop listening and paying attention, I am sure.... lol- but I'll try anyway.
This guy you are crushing on, is not the one. I'd bet he'd be a repetition of your last kiss with the ( almost ) total imbecile.
Why ? because, regardless of the many things you have in common, so far he seems only interested in grabbing you and pawing you on the sly. You see each other every day, he likes you, know you like him... still it never occurred him to ask you out on a date, or , at least, for a quick cup of coffee after work. He has not even vaguely said " Sunday U am going to X place or X party,.. why don't you AND your friends come along too ? "..... which is a near zero level of " committment " and very manageable even for a shy guy in case he were ( but obviously he is not ). Moral, he finds you attractive and kisseable- he probably would love to get into your pants if you 'd let him- and, that's it. Not a candidate you can build on many expectations.
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