A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and UnclesI met a guy a couple of months ago. We hit it off quite quickly and there is obvious chemistry between us. However, he is very hesitate to allow me to get close to him. I know there is not any one else. I know he has only been in the country nearly two years and is trying to sort out his career etc but I want to be a friend and I feel he wants that too but is keeping me at arms length.This is really starting to hurt. Most guys I have been out with would have moved the relationship on a few noches but he is taking things really slowly.I recently sent him a message stating that if he does not want me to be his friend could he please delete my number and I wish him all the best. Normally when I text he responses within an hour. A few days have passed and I get the feeling I have upset him.I don't want to text him again. I want to leave it and see what he comes back with the wait is really painful for me and is hurting me more.I really care about this guy and just want to get too know more about his.Any advice as to why he may be behaving like this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2016): Original Poster
Four days later and he has texted back. He will be leaving his job and starting a new one next wk as he was not happy. He has invited me to follow him.
He was a little baffled when I suggested that he delete my number. He said he would if that is what I really want and would honour my request He said he thought we had sorted out our misunderstandings.
He is unaware of how I feel and I think I am confusing him. Maybe I need to just be blunt and clear .
Thank you all hid your time. I know it's hard to advise when you can't see the full picture.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 Sweetie my guess is that he is not interested in friendship from you, he probably done what you asked him to do and deleted your number. Therefore the best thing that you can do is just move on. Delete his number as well. Am sorry that he is not interested but sometimes for whatever reasons that happens in life. We just need to take the good with the bad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2016): Receiving a text like that could certainly have put him off. You sent it, I suspect, in the hope he would respond with 'of course I want your friendship!' and reassure you. Maybe even an exclamation of something more. You didn't mean what you wrote I don't really think.What you were feeling is 'I haven't heard from you in three days. Does this mean you don't even want to be my friend?' Instead of putting it like this, you sent a very passive/aggressive text. Lips pursed, annoyed. Why do you imagine that would make him any more interested. He can hear drama, annoyance and passive/aggressive childish behaviour. I understand you're hurting and I've had the same feeling, waiting to hear from someone is awful. But you really won't get anywhere with this type of communication. Even if you feel upset, try to be upbeat, fun, flirty, etc. This will maybe get you a response and maybe a little later into the conversation, ask what's going on, or whatever it is you want to know. Turn it around and ask yourself if you received an annoyed text, like the one you sent, from a man you were unsure about, what would it make you feel for him? I suspect it would lessen any feelings you had for him, because people don't enjoy being told off like this.I'm only saying this so you will maybe react differently in future and not send a petulant text, but one that's friendly and fun and then when you've got their attention, ask them in a nice way, 'what's happening?'This guy didn't owe you his emotions, he never signed on to make you happy, so I don't think he would have appreciated you giving him a hard time.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (15 November 2016):
Well you did tell him to delete your number so he's probably gone and done it. Maybe you should have made it clear to him that you were expecting a response before he went ahead and did it.
My guess is that he doesn't feel the same "chemistry" that you do and he doesn't want a relationship with you and because he's aware that you DO want a relationship he feels he needs to back off from the friendship as well so you don't keep hoping.
And you need to be honest with yourself too. You DON'T just want to be friends with this guy - you're sexually and romantically attracted to him and you want a relationship with him. I don't think he can give you that so you need to look elsewhere.
Sorry
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 Maybe he actually does not want to be your friend so he did what you asked : he deleted your number , and moved on.
Friendship and " chemistry " are two very different things. Chemistry relates to the physical- he may have found you attractive, looked at you as an attractive woman, given out, voluntarily or involuntarily , signs indicating that he noticed and appreciated your having a great body , a pretty face etc....
But friendship is on all another level and implies the readiness to spend time with a person, to give her attention, to feel curiosity about knowing her/him better, to appreciate the mental / emotional / social world of that person , beyond the pleasant looks.
" You look good " and " I am interested in you as a person " are two different messages, he may perhaps have given out the first without necessarily thinking the second too.
I thonk his silence IS the answer; if he had had any interest to keep things at an even minimally closer level between you , he would have said something- maybe even just a polite banality, or a white lie ( ... busy with work... sorting out his career etc. etc. ) to explain his coldness. But total silence IMO means : game over .
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 November 2016):
 I'm not sure how you can really care about him if he shows no interest back? It doesn't make a great deal of sense how you have a great chemistry but he keeps you at arms length.
If you sent that message and received no response then it's pretty clear that he's not even interested in a friendship.
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 For whatever reason he either has little or had lost interest in you. I think him leaving that kind of question out there and getting no response is a sign that he doesn't want to pursue even a friendship. I think even if he were hurt, he would be willing to engage and assert his intentions. Sorry, but it's time to move forward without him.
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